


Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

by MyDirtyLittleSecret



Series: Umeda/Shizuki [1]
Category: Hanazakari no Kimitachi e | Hana-Kimi (Manga)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-06
Updated: 2011-03-06
Packaged: 2017-10-16 03:52:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/168124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyDirtyLittleSecret/pseuds/MyDirtyLittleSecret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Umeda never can seem to fall in love honestly or with the right person. Why does his stupid heart have to keep picking guys who are completely unattainable?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. See the Signs

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, orginial idea, rights, or anything else having to do with Hana Kimi. This is a general cover statement. I will not make it again.

A/N: I just recently started re-reading all the Hana Kimi manga and so of course my brain immediately started cooking up new ideas. This one has always been kinda sitting in the back of my mind. Thankfully it caught some inspiration and formed into a real story. I don't claim to have any real plot to this story. It's just a shameless smut and love story. For some reason, these seem to be the only ones I can finish lately. Maybe, because writing smut is great stress relief for me. So if you're looking for something fun to read with out to much brain struggle in following a complicated plot: this is it. Enjoy. And as always please leave some feedback.

P.S.- This story begins right after the point in the manga where Shizuki gets kissed by Umeda.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

By: MyDirtyLittleSecret

Now I was sitting waiting wishing  
That you believed in superstitions  
Then maybe you'd see the signs  
But Lord knows that this world is cruel  
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool  
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you

-Jack Johnson

Chapter One

Shizuki rubbed his eyes and shifted on his barstool. It had been the last day of his doctor conference in Japan. He was actually glad it was over. Usually, he enjoyed these kinds of functions, because he got to travel all over the world for them. However, after all the mess with his sister and other more disturbing events his interest in the conference had been lost. He had done his best to pay attention to the lectures and discussions, but despite his best efforts he just couldn't concentrate. His mind was miles away on a homo doctor, Umeda, who had kissed him earlier that morning. He broke out in shivers all over again just thinking about it. The more he thought about it the worse his reaction got. God, what the fuck? Why had that asshole kissed him? Who the hell just does that? Despite what these Japanese thought of Americans, they didn't run around kissing each other every time they got the urge or for a greeting. Why'd they get Americans mixed up with the French?

These horrifying thoughts had driven him to drink. As soon as the conference was over he had found the nearest bar to his hotel. He had taken up his position at the bar about an hour ago. So far he'd gone through two beers, with no end in sight and no plans to leave until he was to drunk to walk. He took another drag off the cigarette dangling between his fingers then downed another swig of beer. He was not a regular smoker by nature. He was a social smoker, which meant he usually killed almost a pack when at parties, bars, or any other place where there was a large enough group of people to entice the urge. He was thankful no one was hitting on him for once. Apparently, his sullen look and stand offish attitude was doing the trick in keeping people away from him. He didn't like to be bothered when he was drowning his thoughts in alcohol. It ruined his concentration. He was so focused on his thoughts and his drink that he failed to notice his newest antagonist enter the bar. He did however get a sudden chill down his spin. He should have gotten the clue from that.

Umeda pulled his hands out of his pockets before shrugging off his coat as he stepped further into the dimly light bar. He took a deep breath, enjoying the thick scent of cigarette smoke. He loved this bar. It was swanky and unique, but most of all it was where he met up with Ryoichi–and he loved any place where that happened. He glanced around, as he draped his coat over his arm, looking for the darkly handsome man that was both his bane and his best friend. He wasn't surprised when he didn't see him. Ryoichi was always late, or on many occasions, choose not to show up at all. Arrogant bastard.

He stopped mid-stride when he caught sight of a blond man hunched over the bar. He smirked. "I'll be damned," he murmured, taking in the exotic American. Shizuki Ashiya. He wasn't sure whether to laugh at the irony of finding him here or not. He quirked up an eyebrow in surprise when he saw the blond take a drag from a smoldering cigarette. He would have never suspected such an uptight, know it all to smoke. People like that usually frowned heavily on such an addicting, disgusting habit. His smirk widened into an evil grin. He couldn't resist the urge to go harass the blond more. It wasn't like there was anything else to do until Ryoichi arrived.

He sauntered over, to stand just beside Shizuki's elbow, just a little to close for comfort. And he waited. He didn't have to wait long for a reaction.

Shizuki felt, more than saw, the presence that had suddenly appeared by his arm. Before he could even look up, he began to break out in shivers. He had an ugly premonition that he knew exactly who was standing beside him. He looked up with a scowl already fixed on his face.

"Hello, Ashiya-san!"

Shizuki yelped as a face suddenly leaned down close to his faster than he could get away. "You!" he gasped in shock, nearly falling off his seat.

Umeda grinned in amusement, rocking back on his heels and giving Shizuki his personal space back. To hard to resist irritating, he thought. "Yes, me. Is this seat taken?" He was already sitting before Shizuki could even open his mouth. He dug in his coat to find his cigarettes. A moment later, he had the pack in his hands and was shaking one out. He signaled for the bartender as he placed the nicotine stick between his lips, then lighted up.

"What the hell?" Shizuki barked. "Go sit somewhere else!"

Umeda glanced over at him as he took his first hit off the cigarette. He smirked. "I'm comfortable right here. Besides, you looked lonely." He smiled charmingly at the bartender. The bartender smiled back knowingly. He was a guy Umeda had already fucked a few times on a whim. "My usual," he ordered.

"Of course, Umeda-san," the bartender replied, giving him a lingering look.

Shizuki glared at the doctor sullenly. Why the hell was this guy in here? Apparently, he was familiar enough with the staff. He thought he was far enough away from the high school so that he wouldn't have to worry about ever seeing this guy again. He certainly didn't want any repeats of that kiss. He didn't want to be anywhere near this homo. Why the fuck couldn't he go away? It was because of him, that Shizuki was even in here to begin with. He grabbed his glass of beer and downed half of it as he remembered that last bit.

"Something bothering you?" Umeda asked, curiously as he watched the American down his beer.

"Yeah, you. Go away," Shizuki snapped rudely.

Umeda gestured expansively. "It's a bar, Shizuki-kun. I'm welcome to sit where ever I want to. If you don't wanna sit with me then feel free to move."

"I was here first!" the blond pointed out. Something about this guy made him act like a childish asshole. He hated it.

The older man shrugged and accepted his mixed drink from the bartender. He downed it in an instant then ordered another. He tapped off the ash on his cigarette before taking another drag. He looked perfectly content where he was. He had no intentions of moving. Shizuki gritted his teeth.

"Why'd you kiss me?" Shizuki finally burst out. He don't know why he asked it. He didn't really wanna know the answer. The beer must be getting to him faster than he thought.

Umeda smirked like he'd been waiting for that question. "Just to piss you off." He wrapped his hand around the glass that had just been pushed his way.

"Oh."

The older man laughed. The ice in his glass rattled as he lifted it, like it to was mocking Shizuki. "You almost sound disappointed. Did I get you over your homophobia?" He leaned in close, expression taking on a pretend seductive glance.

Shizuki swallowed hard and jerked away. He nearly tipped off the stool in his haste. That was the second time he'd nearly been dumped off his seat. "N-No!" Those beautiful eyes seemed to see right through him. Shizuki grabbed at the edge of the bar to hold himself up.

Umeda stayed where he was for a moment before settling back on his seat. "I lied you know."

The blond blinked in confusion. "What?"

"You are my type. Your looks anyways. I like pretty boys." Umeda smiled teasingly. Clearly, the alcohol was starting to get to him too.

"You still hate my personality?" Shizuki didn't know why he cared or even asked, but the question was out of his mouth before he could think to stop it. Damned alcohol. He should call it quits and get out of here before his mouth ran away with his brain any further.

"Yes. I don't like 'holier than thou' type guys who think their ideas are always the right ones," the older man stated frankly, before sipping at his drink.

Shizuki flushed angrily. "I don't act–."

"Yes, you do," Umeda cut him off before he could finish.

"I was only trying to protect my sister!" the blond snapped, scowling at the other man.

The older man waved away his remark. "By being an overbearing prick. There were better ways to handle that whole scenario."

Shizuki was quiet for a moment. He had to concede the point. He wasn't about to admit that to this asshole though. He decided a change of topic would be better in order to save his pride. "So why are you in here?"

"Waiting for my best friend, who regularly blows me off for no fucking reason," Umeda replied somewhat bitterly.

"Why would he do that?" the blond asked curiously.

Umeda sighed. "Just to upset me. He knows I'm in love with him and it makes him nervous." The older man smiled sadly. "Yet, I haven't given up on the bastard." Why the hell was he telling this stuck up American such personal information?

"Is that why you sympathize with Mizuki?"

"That has nothing to do with it." The doctor said curtly. He was irritated at himself for letting to much slip already.

Shizuki smirked. "Right." It had everything to do with it. "So what's the name of this guy you like?" He grimaced after saying it like that. Ugh gays!

"Why do you care?" Umeda gave a leery sideways look.

"Curiosity."

"His name is–," they both looked up as a tall, darkly handsome man stopped by Umeda's elbow. "Ryoichi."

The man nodded. "Hokuto."

"You're very late," the doctor scowled.

"You seem like you found decent company to pass the time. I'll just go." Ryoichi shrugged indifferently. Shizuki nearly flinched when those deep, dark eyes passed over him scrutinizing. He could have sworn he felt the temperature drop a few degrees from that look.

"No!" Umeda snagged his friend's coat sleeve as he turned away. "Shizuki is the brother of an exchange student at Osaka. He's here for a conference. I was chatting with him while I waited."

Shizuki could already tell the guy was a jerk. Ryoichi seemed to be contemplating whether to leave anyways, just because. Apparently, even gays were attracted to asshole guys too. How ironic. "I'm Ashiya Shizuki from California." He introduced himself crisply. He was pleased by the surprise he saw in those eyes at his fluent use of Japanese. "I was just about to leave. I have an early morning tomorrow."

"Alright," Umeda looked relieved. "Thanks for sitting with me." Ryoichi sat down on Umeda's opposite side. He glanced suspiciously at Shizuki once more before ordering a drink and lighting his own cigarette. He studiously ignored the blond after that.

Shizuki resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Really? What had the guy ever done to earn such love from Umeda. Why the hell did he care anyways?

/

Shizuki eyed the doctor nervously as Umeda helped him down the hall to his hotel room. He really shouldn't have had so much to drink. His nerves had not calmed down despite trying to drown them in alcohol. He didn't know why he hadn't just run out as soon as Umeda came into the bar. His gaydar had kicked in hard soon as the man walked in, but over that had been the gut wrenching remembering of the earlier kiss. He hadn't been able to escape before Umeda trapped him with those gorgeous amber eyes that seemed to dissect him. Drunkenly, he could admit those eyes were bewitching. They was so piercing in a way that had kept him pinned in his seat. Even after meeting, Ryoichi (whom he still thought was a sullen and reticent asshole) with Umeda's attention drawn away he hadn't left. It was almost fascinating to watch the interplay between the clearly infatuated Umeda and the obviously straight Ryoichi. In this manner, what had been only one more drink had become several, until he had accidentally drunk himself into near stupor. He had been both a part of their little ritual meeting as well as an outsider. The interaction, though interesting, had only grated on his nerves worse than ever. He couldn't wait to get out of there, but he hadn't left. By the end of the night he was so intoxicated he could barely keep his feet under him. Somehow, Umeda had talked his way into helping Shizuki back to his hotel room after Ryoichi had left. The prospect of which made his guts twist in anxiety and his heart seem to jump into his throat. He had tried to brush Umeda aside, but after being saved from face planting thanks to the doctor, he couldn't refuse the help.

So now, here he was with one arm wrapped around the surprisingly strong shoulders of Umeda, while the doctor steadied him with an arm around his waist. Although the contact was casual and merely helpful it made Shizuki's skin hot and cold by turns where they touched. It seemed like a long time before they stood in front of Shizuki's hotel room door. Umeda held him steady while he hunted shakily for his elusive key card. He found it and after a third attempt managed to get the door open. Soon as the door opened, Umeda let go of him before taking a step away. Shizuki half turned to face him.

"Well, uh...thank you," he managed to say, somehow feeling uneasy. The scenario was way to reminiscent of when he would drop off girlfriends at the end of a date. There had been the exchange of pleasantries and then the good night kiss before they parted ways. Which brought his thoughts back around full circle to that kiss earlier in the morning. Dammit!

Umeda grinned as he sensed the direction Shizuki's thoughts had taken. The boy was transparent. He was only a few years younger than Umeda, but to him he seemed like only a boy. He had not quite grown up all the way yet. His irrational fear of Umeda confirmed it. His attitude made the doctor want to tease him relentlessly.

"Relax. I wasn't planning on accosting you," Umeda's smile widened. "If this were a date I'd have you inside already with hopefully your pants off." Shizuki flushed, a horrified look stealing across his pretty features, as he shrank back against the door. Umeda laughed before settling down once more. "You're welcome," he finally said.

"Right...well, good night," Shizuki said, struggling to be polite through his alcohol related fuzziness and nervousness. Umeda's teasing had twisted his insides into knots once more- just when it was beginning to unwind a little. He began to back into his room slowly like he was a small animal trying to hide from the hunting tiger.

Umeda reached out impulsively and grabbed his wrist. Before Shizuki could get his drunk laden limbs to resist, the doctor had pulled him back forward. The blond could see what was about to happen and froze. He later wondered if it had been out of fear or the very buried sense of wanting that kept him from running away. Umeda's mouth captured his again in a quick strike. Shizuki went completely rigid with shock. His sluggish brain screeched to a halt as the doctor's mouth settled over his. Then his brain kicked back in with a lurch; only it seemed to be recording the wrong information. It taking in things like how impossibly soft and warm those lips felt against his own or how those brown flecks enriched the deep gold of Umeda's eyes. His own eyes widened comically as he tried to jerk away. Umeda moved with him and caught his jaw in a long fingered grip. Umeda tilted the blond's chin firmly upward to deepen the kiss. His other hand found Shizuki's hip and tugged him in to fit tightly against his body.

A shudder swept through Shizuki, making his hair stand on end and skin break out in goosebumps. To his utter dismay his body began to respond positively to these advances. Obviously, the alcohol had confused it into not caring about the exact gender of the person touching him. A bolt of molten heat swept through him leaving him weak kneed and his cock growing hard. The flush grew brighter on his cheeks. He slowly began to slid down the door since his legs refused to no longer hold him. He probably would have fallen if he wasn't being held up by Umeda.

Umeda felt the blond's dick growing hard against his with surprise. He let go abruptly. He stepped back quickly as though he'd been burned. The two eyed each other in equal measures of surprise, unexpected lust, and awkwardness.

"Well good night," Umeda recovered first, smiling disarmingly, as he stamped down the strong lust that had sprung out of what had only been meant as a teasing joke.

Shizuki's hand groped for he door knob, wrenched it further open, and disappeared inside quickly. The door slammed shut behind him. Umeda turned away just as fast and hurried down the hall. Somewhere, a security guard witnessed the whole strange exchange as though it were a soap opera in reality and smiled knowingly at the two young men.

/

Shizuki stood with his back pressed against the hotel door. His breath rasped in his throat as he pressed one trembling hand against his lips. His whole body began to shake in delayed reaction. "Oh God. Oh fuck," he whimpered as his stomach flipped over. His mind was stuck in a rut, fixated on every detail of that kiss. "Oh fuck," he continued to whisper as his brain struggled to comprehend why his body had-and still was– betraying him so horribly.

His cock throbbed, hot and hard in his pants. The flesh of his hip felt like it was on fire from the touch of those graceful fingers. Lust still coiled heavy in his gut and the base of his cock. Little shivers of after effects of pleasure kept tingling down his spin. For a kiss, it had been fairly chaste. There had been no tongue involved (thank God!), just the rough press of lips. But, oh shit, that kiss. Even without tongue it was the best kiss he'd ever had. That was even over all the girls he'd ever kissed, which was quite a few. Any guy with his good looks would be stupid not to use them to his advantage. Well, he most certainly had, but none of those girls came anywhere close to being as good at giving the kind of kiss he just received. He didn't know why. The feel of Umeda's lips had been different. Instead of dainty and sweet, the older man's lips had been strong and spicy. There was no soft perfume, only the unique masculine scent that clung to Umeda's skin. The press of their bodies together and the long fingered hand on his jaw...

His mind began to shriek in dismay as he remembered it all once more.

The hard press and friction of another erect cock against his own.

He sucked in a deep, shuddering breath. He felt sick to his stomach. His erection still throbbed heavily, he realized in disgust. Without another thought, he began to strip off his clothes as he raced for the bathroom. He threw back the shower curtain and switched on the cold water. He dived under the icy water barely managing to keep from falling over on the water slick floor. His only thought was to get rid of the terrible result of what that kiss had done to him. He leaned against the shower wall and made himself not think of anything as the freezing water shriveled up any evidence of arousal. He stayed in there for a long time trying to block it all out.

/

Umeda was having a freak out moment of his own. He sat in his car gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white. His breath was still coming fast while the feel of Shizuki's lips seemed branded onto his own. Really though, it had been the perfect fit of their bodies that had gotten to him. It was the way the boy's hips had molded so unwillingly against him and the feel of his erection growing impossibly against his own. He certainly hadn't expected that kind of reaction. Nor the exact same way Shizuki's knees had buckled like his had so long ago under Ryoichi's kiss. It was the weirdest sort of deja vu. Worse, it had felt so unexpectedly, unbelievably good. His dick twitched in agreement.

"Shit," he groaned, rubbing his hand over it.

He'd been attracted to some very strange guys in the past. For fuck's sake he was in love with Ryoichi. The one question that kept surfacing after all these years was why did his body respond best to straight, unobtainable guys? At first, he'd thought only of Ryoichi. Then they'd gone their separate ways out of high school, though they still met up. Umeda had met another straight guy, an exchange student from England, in college who had captured his attention and attraction. He never wavered in his love for Ryoichi, but he'd be celibate for the rest of his life if he tried to save himself for the darkly handsome man.

This new guy, Rylan, had figured out easily what Umeda's interest was in him, but he hadn't freaked out. He said he was very accepting of gays, but had no interest in being one himself. Better yet, he had still hung out with Umeda. They got to be very good friends. One night, a year after they had met, they had both gotten rather drunk in Umeda's dorm room. To the surprise of the then aspiring to be doctor, the conversation had turned to gay sex. Rylan had been very curious about the whole mechanics of the act and if it really felt as good as the gays claimed. Umeda had found it funny at the time and willingly answered all his questions with frank honesty. The doctor remembered fondly how big Rylan's eyes had gotten when he explained how much he loved being penetrated. He'd never forget the surprise he'd felt when he'd looked down to see the other young man's erection straining against his pants.

"If you're so interested how about you do me?" Umeda had asked with a smirk. Alcohol always made him bold and horny. To his shock, the guy had agreed as long as he wasn't made to play bitch. Umeda had acquiesced; more than willing to take it if it meant getting sex. He had stood up and moved over to where Rylan was lounging on his bed. He had dropped to his knees, slid his hands up the guy's thighs, unzipped his pants, and proceeded to blow Rylan's mind into oblivion. He had gotten very good at that particular skill. His lover of the night had come more quickly than he'd meant to much to his embarrassment. Umeda had soothed his worries with deep kisses and had gotten Rylan hard again in minutes.

He remembered reaching out blindly for the bedside table while Rylan explored the new territory of male body that was straddling him. His hand had yanked ruthlessly at the little drawer that held his lube. A gay sex fiend always had lube stashed near by. Condoms were not something he cared for, despite the risks involved. He was to buzzed on alcohol to care about preparing himself. He rubbed a generous amount of lube on the guy's cock (probably one of the biggest he'd ever seen) and trembled with excitement. He'd stood up, stripped off his pants, and climbed back on to the bed. He turned himself to face away from Rylan before dropping to his stomach and presenting his ass for the taking. He looked back to see the guy licking his lips as he hesitated, while his cock drooled pre-cum onto the sheets.

"Come on," he'd urged. "Do me."

Rylan had dry swallowed, getting to his knees with his cock in his hand, staring at that inviting gorgeous ass in front of him. Then he grabbed Umeda's hip, angling himself just right. Umeda would never forget the feel of that huge, blunt head snuggling against his hole a moment before penetration. He briefly regretted not taking the time to stretch as Rylan began to push in. The first few moments for him were agonizing as he was forcefully stretched more than he'd ever been in his life. The guy's cock felt like it was cleaving him open, but in a deep, perverse way Umeda loved it. Rylan had fucked him out of his mind that night. The guy had pounded into him almost brutally, not even needing to aim for his prostate. His cock struck it every time. He was seeing stars. He'd come twice in the course of half an hour without even a touch to his dick. He'd sobbed in glorious rapture. The pain and gratification had morphed into one blur of ecstasy. He'd never felt that full before or ever since.

He had enjoyed a short, but intense purely sexual relationship with Rylan. When they parted, Rylan went back to dating women while Umeda looked for his next sex buddy. In his mind, straight guys made the best gay guys. Maybe that had really been the start of his obsession with hooking straight men. Maybe it was the thrill of trying to turn their tastes towards him even if only for a little while. Maybe subconsciously he was acting out what he wanted to happen with Ryoichi. Either way they had become his sexual prey of choice. He didn't go after them often. Only when one really caught his eye.

Ashiya Shizuki had indeed caught his interest, but that homophobic attitude grated on his nerves. His personality was so not his type. In fact, he reminded Umeda of Akiha with that pushy attitude. Thinking of that blond made him cringe and think of how narrowly he'd escaped getting involved with him in college. And really if he was smart he'd stay the hell away from Shizuki too from now on. Which wouldn't be hard since the boy doctor was leaving tomorrow back for America. Hopefully, Umeda would never see him again. Better yet, he'd forget how good the blond had felt in his arms and against his body. Or the charged, heated lust that crackled between them in almost palpable waves.

And of course he was wrong.

//////////Hana Kimi///////////

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	2. Playing Your Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Must I always be waiting, waiting on you  
> Must I always be playing, playing your fool- Jack Johnson

CHAPTER TWO

Ashiya Shizuki sometimes had moments of genius. However, on most occasions these moments tended to backfire. This was one of those moments. He stared at Mizuki, her suitcase in hand, as she waited to be called to board her plane. He suddenly felt very silly and childishly betrayed. He had transferred his medical internship here to Japan in order to be close to Mizuki and watch over her until she graduated. He wanted to be here to support her in case she needed him. It appeared he had transferred here to late.

"What happened?" he asked her, trying to keep the hurt and bitter edge out of his voice. What was he supposed to do now? He didn't know anyone here. He would be stuck alone thousands of miles from home with no one to turn to. Worst of all, he had done this to himself. If he had kept his damned nose out of Mizuki's business he wouldn't be in this shitty situation.

She shrugged and smiled ruefully. "I was found out. They let me stay as long as they were able, but now it's over."

"Do you have to go home?" It was a foolish question. He knew that, but he felt like the fool.

"I can't stay, Shizuki," she pointed out.

"But what am I supposed to do?" he whispered. He was so stupid. He felt like he was being abandoned. This was ridiculous. He was way to old to feel this way. He'd gone off to college on his own just fine. He'd survived there by himself–granted it had been rocky and scary at the start– but he'd made it dammit! This situation was different though. He felt like the rug was being yanked out from under his feet.

She grinned at him brightly. "You have to finish your internship! You can do it, Shizuki!"

But I only came to Japan for you! He wanted to yell at her. He controlled the urge. It wasn't her fault this was happening. He was once again trying to play the protective older brother and it had backfired in his face. He had transferred his internship to the hospital closest to Osaka High. He had figured that by the time Mizuki was ready to graduate, his internship would be finished. They could have gone home together—but not now. Now he was stuck here. It was to late to transfer his internship back to the states. He was alone.

Completely alone.

There wasn't much to say after that. He wished Mizuki good luck and good bye. He gave her a hug and a kiss before she walked away. All the while his stomach was churning. It was really ridiculous. Somehow this felt worse than his first day of college. He waved at her back until she was out of sight, before shoving his hands in his pockets; feeling adrift.

"You looked like a kicked puppy," a familiar male voice sent a cold shiver racing up his spin.

He spun around and jumped back a step. "Ahh!" He couldn't stifle the yelp of astonishment. He raised his arms as if to ward off the person he was now staring at wide eyed.

Doctor Umeda...

Who was wearing a sarcastic, knowing smirk.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked in horror.

"I drove Mizuki here."

"Oh."

Umeda grinned, rocking back on his heels. "I'm not going to attack you. We are in a crowded airport."

"Right." Shizuki's arms lowered slowly. "I wasn't expecting to see you–."

"Ever again?" Umeda's grin broadened. "The feeling's mutual. In fact, I was really hoping not to."

"Yeah well...same here!" Shizuki snapped defensively, refusing to let his brain remember what had happened between them last time.

Umeda laughed. "C'mon. I'll buy you a drink." He turned and walked away, without looking back.

Shizuki, much to his shame, didn't even hesitate.

/

It was the same bar as last time. Shizuki was getting just as shit faced as last time. Umeda was smoking, drinking, and chatting casual just like last time. It was driving Shizuki crazy. It was like reliving the past. It was creeping him out. So he drank heavily to try to dispel the feeling. It refused to leave though. Instead, he decided what they needed was a change of subject. Something radically different. Once again, his moment of genius planted a giant foot in his mouth before he could think to stop it.

"Have you ever slept with a woman?" Shizuki blurted.

Umeda blinked in surprise before smiling derisively. "No. I've had no interest what so ever."

"So you've always been gay?" he experienced a brief moment where he wished someone would shut him up. Umeda certainly wasn't about to. He seemed to be enjoying these awkward questions.

"As far as I can remember since I matured sexually," the doctor replied evenly, before taking a drag from his cigarette.

Shizuki's curiosity won over his brain's warning of caution. "But why?"

Umeda quirked an eyebrow up, then leaned forward, pinning the blond in place with a piercing stare. "Why are you so interested? Are you trying to convert me over to your heterosexual ways?" He sat back with an amused smirk on his face.

The blond flushed in embarrassment. "I'm just curious. Men are supposed to be straight by nature anyways."

"Hmmm," the older man hummed differentially. He ashed out his cigarette. "My sister was an overbearing bitch, who used to dress me up as a girl for fun. My little sister hides her manipulative ways behind a mask of sweetness. My mother was smothering despite her love and best intentions. My father worked a lot so I rarely saw him when I needed him for such things as 'man talks.' He wasn't much of an alpha male influence anyways. He was, and still is, wrapped around my mother's finger. After living with practically nothing, but women and learning how their minds work, it just turned me off to ever wanting to date one."

"So you don't even find their bodies attractive?" the blond inquired.

"I find them beautiful in an aesthetically pleasing sort of way. Otherwise, no. I prefer hard bodies with long, lean lines and hard cocks," the doctor grinned disarmingly.

Shizuki blushed, as those gold eyes swept over him appraisingly. The two stared at each other–remembering. Umeda leaned forward unconsciously while Shizuki sat frozen in place. The blond thought his heart was going to pound out of his chest. Then abruptly Umeda sat back and grabbed his drink. Shizuki felt a flutter of some unnamed emotion in his chest, but he refused to analyze it.

"You almost look disappointed," Umeda remarked, after taking a gulp of his drink. Damned déjà vu!

The blond's hands clenched convulsively around his glass. "I think you're imagining things."

"Hmm...maybe."

There was a long moment of awkward silence.

"So if women are so great, why don't you have a girlfriend?" Umeda asked, turning the questions away from him for a change.

"How do you know I don't?" Shizuki snapped irritably.

The doctor gave him a 'you must be joking' look.

"Alright fine, I don't," the blond huffed indignantly. "We broke up a few months ago. We were even engaged."

"What happened?"

"She fell in love with someone else."

Umeda smiled smugly. The 'I told you so' was clear without even needing to say a word. All women were exactly the same when it came to love.

"Well, why don't you have a b-b-?" Shizuki stammered over the distasteful word.

"Boyfriend?" Umeda supplied with a sideways look of amusement.

"Yeah, that," Shizuki's ears were even flushed red from his embarrassment. "What happened to Ryoichi?"

Umeda's mouth twisted as if he'd bit into a lemon. "He got married. " He sounded more bitter than he'd meant to. "I don't want a boyfriend. I'm better off with fuck buddies."

Shizuki stared in shock.

"What? You don't do casual sex?" the doctor asked, interest piqued.

"N-No!"

Umeda smiled mockingly. "How sweet. How old were you when you go laid?" He wondered if the blond was gonna burst a blood vessel from the sheer pressure of blushing so hard.

"None of your business!" was the quick, indignant reply.

The doctor laughed before finishing his drink and lighting up another cigarette. "I was 15. I gave it up to the school doctor at the time. We did it right on the bed for sick patients." He took a deep drag, held it, and blew it out in a long breath.

"B-but that's–!"

"Sick? Wrong?" Umeda tapped the ash into a tray. "It was incredible."

Shizuki was still to astonished to speak. This guy was so open about sex. He was so casual about it, like it meant nothing beyond the physical nature of it. He'd waited until he found the 'right' girl and the right moment. He'd wanted his first time to be special. It had been. It was amazing, because he had been so in love. So what if they'd split up a year later. He'd never forget how wonderful that first time had been.

"So spill. Who and when," Umeda interrupted the blond's thoughts.

"I was 19–," he glared when the older man covered his laugh with a cough. "And she was my first long term girlfriend in college. She snuck me into her dorm when her roommate was out for the night. It was probably one of the best nights of my life."

Umeda smiled despite himself. This kid was such a naive sap. The urge to fuck the idealism out of him suddenly reared its ugly head inside him. He crushed down the wave of lust with difficulty.

God, why did it have to always be straight guys? He sighed to himself. He glanced over at Shizuki. He really looked at him for the first time since he'd seen him in the airport. Under the lights of the bar, the blond's hair reflected the deeper yellow color of the bulbs. The color was more dark honey now, then its nature cornflower yellow. His blue eyes seemed to shine brighter. His delicate, handsome foreign features were etched with shadows. He really did stand out. The hair and eyes were beacons of attention in Japan. He really was very hot, maybe too much for his own good.

He glanced around taking in the looks from both the men and women the blond was attracting. A few guys were eyeballing Shizuki like most men eyed steak. Umeda scooted his chair a little closer to the blond, glaring at them. His look was possessive and fierce. None of them could withstand it for very long before they turned away hastily. Umeda didn't let his guard lax as he turned back to his drinking partner.

The two of them chatted for a while longer, ignoring the passage of time, and enjoying the booze. The more they talked the more Umeda realized how much of a naive guy Shizuki really was. He had begun slurring his words and being more friendly to everyone. Umeda to actively start thwarting attempts from men and women who were trying to get to close to him. Shizuki didn't even seem to realize it. Umeda was getting exasperated. This kid was going to need watching. Turning him loose in Japan was a bad idea. He'd end up in a back alley somewhere getting gang raped before he realized what was happening. He didn't, however, want to get himself any further involved with the man. He was trying not to get to hung up on Shizuki. If he started spending all his spare time protecting the kid, he might as well write off any intentions he had of staying emotionally detached. But, someone needed to look after Shizuki.

Another blond man (albeit a bleached one) popped into his head. He began to smile wickedly. It was perfect. It would kill two birds with one stone. They would be so busy together they would stay out of his hair. In fact, those two would be perfect together. Finally, he'd found a use for the annoying photographer that was constantly dogging him.

Akiha Hara, look out.

The photographer would have no interest in Shizuki. He'd certainly be more than willing to help if he thought he'd be pleasing Umeda. What a great idea! He really was a conniving genius sometimes. He'd call Akiha tomorrow about it. For now though...

He looked over and sighed at the obviously drunk blond, who was now hitting on the female bartender. For now, he needed to get this kid back to where ever he was staying for the night.

/

Shizuki led the way around the corner and down the hall to his apartment with Umeda trailing behind him. The blond was already beginning to sober up. Being alone with Umeda was making his guard come back up and forcing him to be more aware. Being in a crowded bar with the gay man was entirely different than being alone with him in an empty hallway. Especially with Umeda's history of kissing him. He'd tried to tell Umeda that it wasn't necessary to walk him back up to his apartment. The older man acted like he was some teenager who didn't have enough sense to find his way home.

Shizuki reached his apartment door before he realized it. He stared at it in vague surprise. He glanced back at Umeda warily as he dug in his bag for his keys. The doctor smiled disarmingly, sensing his uneasy. He finally managed to find his key and get it in the lock then wrestled the door open. The damned bolt was to sticky. He made a mental note to tell the building manager. This had been so easy earlier in the day when he'd been sober and unaccompanied by a gay guy. Finally, he jerked the door open. He sighed in relief. Now, he could say the polite good night pleasantries before escaping into his apartment to put a locked door between him and Umeda.

"Well...um...good night. Thanks for helping me back to my place," he managed to get out as he edged around the door.

Umeda shrugged and nodded. "No problem. Thank you for drinking with me."

They both stood there for a moment, eyeballing the other.

"Listen," the doctor finally said. "I have a friend who I'd like to introduce you too." He tried not to cringe when he said friend.

"Why?" Shizuki asked suspiciously.

Umeda shifted uncomfortably. "He can be your guide while you're here. You don't know anyone right? And I don't feel right about letting your roam around the city, basically, defenseless."

"I'm an adult! I can take care of myself," Shizuki glared at him balefully.

"Sure, which is why I kept you from getting picked up so many times tonight while you were getting smashed," the doctor shot back vindictively.

Shizuki scowled. "I was aware of that." No, he hadn't been.

"Riiight. Well, anyways, Akiha will look after you. He won't hit on you. He's only gay for me. He used to be married though," Umeda explained, though maybe not as clearly as he could have. Akiha actually liked anyone who was beautiful, so there was a chance he might hit on Shizuki. He was half wasted too so he sorta forgot that fact.

"So he likes girls?"

"And guys. He's bi, but don't worry he won't hit on you. You're not his type at all," the doctor waved aside his concerns.

Shizuki looked mulish for a moment. Frankly, though, he'd be happy to have someone who could show him around. He didn't wanna be alone here either. Apparently, Umeda had noticed. "Oh, fine. I guess."

"Ok. Well, good night. I'll see you around."

They both stood there again, unable to think of anything else to say. The moment stretched out as both of their minds were drawn to remember previous endings.

"I think I need to stop dropping you off drunk at your door," Umeda remarked.

"Yeah."

"Well, good bye."

"Right, good bye."

Umeda turned and hurried away before he could give into the urge to kiss the blond again.

/

Umeda had chosen to have Akiha meet he and Shizuki at one of his favorite casual restaurants. He had half expected Shizuki not to show up either due to a sudden change of mind or a violent hang over. He was pleased to find the blond foreigner had already found a table for three when he walked through the door. He was mildly irritated, but mostly amused when Shizuki cringed and sunk a little further into his chair as Umeda took a seat to the American's right. They had barely exchanged greetings when the relative peace of the restaurant was shattered in less than a second.

"Umeda-sempai!" Akiha launched himself at Umeda with hardly a glance at the other person at the table. The doctor was ready though. He kicked a chair at the rampaging blond. He smirked in satisfaction as Akiha ran right into it and nearly fell over it. The photographer got his feet back under him and straightened his shirt. "That was mean, Sempai," he whined.

The doctor rolled his eyes. "Just sit down, would you? Can't you just say hello like a normal person?"

"So Umeda, did you invite me here to finally confess your undying love to me?" Akiha asked, giving him a guileless grin. He completely ignored the doctor's scolding.

The doctor rolled his eyes before answering curtly. "No. I asked you to come to meet him." He gestured at the blond next to him.

Akiha's gaze shifted to the handsome foreigner. His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Is he your new lover?"

Shizuki spluttered angrily, turning bright red with humiliation and anger. "W-what! No!"

Akiha's eyebrows shot up in surprise at the vehement denial.

"Akiha Hara, this is Ashiya Shizuki, Mizuki's older brother," Umeda looked at the photographer pointedly.

"Oh my God! You're Mizuki-chan's brother! It's so great to finally meet you!" Akiha exclaimed excitedly, reaching across the table to grab Shizuki's hand and shake it vigorously.

Shizuki blinked in shock at the abrupt change in attitude towards his person. "Uh…nice to meet you too." He was starting to get an unpleasant chill down his spin. His 'gaydar' was starting to go off. He failed to notice that it had not gone off when Umeda had shown up earlier.

"Stop it, Akiha. You're scaring him. He's homophobic," the doctor remarked casually.

Akiha let go of the American's hand and sat back. "Oh, sorry. Why are you with Umeda-sempai then?"

"He's the only person I know in Japan, besides my grandparents," Shizuki admitted, flushing in embarrassment.

Umeda smirked in amusement. "That's what I need you for, Akiha."

"Oh?"

"He'll be here for several months for a medical internship. Since he doesn't know the area or anyone, and he's clearly uncomfortable around me, he needs a guide."

"I really don't-," Shizuki started to protest.

Umeda cut him off. "I had to keep him from getting picked up three times last night at the bar…by guys." Akiha couldn't smother his smile. The doctor actually smiled back at the photographer as he finished what he was saying. "He needs looking after."

"Apparently so. I would love to show you the town, Shizuki!" Akiha proclaimed, more than a little breathless that Umeda had smiled at HIM.

"Er, thanks," Shizuki did not look soothed by this exclamation.

"I'm sure Umeda-san's told you that I'm bi. Don't worry. I won't hit on you. You're not my type. Though you are beautiful and I'd love to take your picture! But really, I'm in love with Umeda-sempai. I would never hit on any other man," Akiha's eyes looked almost wild when he gazed over at Umeda.

Umeda shifted towards Shizuki like he might use him as a human shield if the photographer launched himself across the table. Shizuki in turn cringed away from the doctor like he had cooties. Akiha smiled at them in bemusement. The American clearly didn't like the doctor at all. That was perfect. He had nothing to worry about competition-wise from him.

"I'll take you to meet some of my female models some time. There's a lot of beautiful women I shoot pictures for that you might be interested in," Akiha broke the awkward moment.

"Models?" Shizuki cleared his throat and straightened up in his seat.

Akiha nodded enthusiastically. "Oh yes! I'm a professional photographer. I even had your sister model for me, though she was dressed as a boy at the time."

"Ah, well, thank you for the offer of meeting some of your…clients, but I'm really not interested," Shizuki said politely. Both men were suddenly looking at him with equally intense looks. What healthy straight male didn't want to meet beautiful women? Shizuki flushed. The unpleasant chill turned into a full shudder. "I recently broke up with my fiancé. She left me for someone else. I'm just not ready to meet other women yet."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Akiha apologized, looking relieved.

"Don't be. You didn't know. She was a bitch anyways. Good thing I realized that before it was to late," Shizuki smiled bitterly.

Umeda rolled his eyes. "Well that sob story deserves a drink to wash it down." Umeda signaled the bartender.

"It's to early to start drinking." Shizuki scolded.

"It's never to early," the doctor gave him an irritated look.

Akiha shook his head. "Don't you have to go back to work?"

"No, I took the rest of the day off. Those little teenage brats drive me crazy. None of them seem to understand that I have no interest in school kids," Umeda sighed and reached for his glass of scotch that the bartender brought over.

Akiha laughed. "Another love confession today?'

"You really get love declarations from the students?" Shizuki asked in shock.

"Yes, about three times a week or so. A few are rather persistent, but most give up after I turn them away. It's still very annoying," Umeda sighed, knocking back his drink.

Akiha shook his head. "Is that why you bring you're 'boyfriends' there? To scare off those love struck adolescents?"

"Yes."

"They see you with guys?" Shizuki asked. He was horrified by the very idea.

"Of course they do. It's probably why some of them take an unhealthy interest in him too," Akiha laughed.

Umeda shook his head. "You're making Shizuki uncomfortable."

"Oh, right. Sorry, sorry."

"So, when do I start this job of being Shizuki's tour guide?" Akiha asked, getting back to the intended subject.

The doctor rolled his eyes. "Right now. You don't have to take him anywhere today, but I would like you to at least look after him starting today."

"You make me sound like a misbehaving child," Shizuki scowled at the older man.

"With the way you drink I would have to say that you fit in that category," Umeda replied airily.

Akiha grinned. "I will start today then. What is your schedule like, Shizuki? Oh, and I'll need you phone number and address of course, so I can come pick you up."

Shizuki was to stunned to answer for a minute. Was this guy always so forward and annoying?

"I'll need you phone number too," Umeda sighed.

"What? Why?" the blond American's head snapped towards the doctor.

"In case of emergencies, of course," the older man replied.

Shizuki sighed. "Fine." He resigned himself to his fate. Umeda had already made up his mind that he wanted Shizuki looked after. What harm would it do to go along with it anyways? He did need to get to know the town. It would be nice to meet some new people. It would definitely be interesting to get a peek at what kind of work Akiha did. So he gave up fighting…at least for now, and gave them his information. He wished he'd known then what a mistake that would turn into.

/

Be a responsible reader and review!


	3. Steal My Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now I've been hangin around you for days, but when I lean in you just turn your head away  
> Oh no, you didn't mean that  
> She said I love the way you think, but I hate the way you act
> 
> 'Cause I always have to steal my kisses from you  
> Always have to steal my kisses from you
> 
> -Steal My Kisses By Ben Harper

Chapter Three

It had been a month since Shizuki had begun living in Japan for his internship. He was mildly surprised at how much of a good time he was having despite Mizuki having left him here alone (not that she had done it on purpose). Akiha had taken him out every day on his days off from the hospital. The photographer had brought Shizuki on a tour of his shooting studio. He'd gotten to stay for a photo shoot and meet several beautiful models. Though a few of the girls had flirted with him rather shamelessly, he had not been interested. He'd been polite, kind, and social, but otherwise unresponsive to any of their requests to get him to go out drinking with them.

Akiha was working on bringing him around to all the big tourists' spots. They picked one to go to every week. They went to different restaurants, movies, and all kinds of other things. Akiha joked at one time that it almost felt like Umeda was trying to set them up together, because it felt like they were going on dates. Shizuki had gotten a little freaked out which made Akiha laugh and quickly apologize. They were alone most of the time on these excursions, except when Akiha invited other people along. Overall, though, Shizuki was having a great time. He enjoyed every where Akiha brought him as well as all the people he got to meet. The photographer really knew a lot of fun and interesting people. Shizuki had made a lot of friends in a short amount of time that he never thought possible before now.

However, despite Shizuki's busy schedule between running around with Akiha and his internship, he still ran into Umeda. It was so weird. Shizuki tried to deliberately go to a bar at the end of the day when he got off work that he hoped Umeda wouldn't go to. Sometimes it worked out and he was able to enjoy a quiet evening unwinding with a few drinks alone. However, more than a few times he had run into Umeda. It wasn't exactly a bad experience when they drank together, but Shizuki could never fully relax his guard in the doctor's presence. He kept thinking of those kisses Umeda had given him. Oddly, he enjoyed Umeda's company. They had good conversations, though usually kind of awkward or uncomfortable on the blond's part at some points.

It was the weird moments when they parted that put Shizuki on edge and made him try to avoid the doctor. There was always a moment where either Umeda would reach for him or the look in his eyes gave away the fact that he wanted to. It seemed like, because their first couple of times out together had ended in kisses that it was tradition or the standard. He could tell Umeda was trying to ignore the urge to continue the kiss at their parting. That was what made Shizuki not want to see him, because on some strange level he was resisting the urge as much as the doctor. It frightened him. He didn't like the weird little desire that arose when Umeda leaned towards him. He didn't like the sparks of awareness that danced across his skin when they touched, even innocently, for whatever reason. He hated the way Umeda's piercing eyes seemed to see right through him too. He rarely looked Umeda straight in the eyes, because that gaze was just to captivating and beautiful, like some kind of predatory cat.

Tonight, though, he was relieved that Umeda just happened to show up at the bar he'd chose to go to after work. Umeda had walked over and sat on the stool next to the blond like Shizuki had been waiting for him all along. He'd ordered his customary drink, lighted up a cigarette, and greeted him with a smile that always did funny things to Shizuki's insides. It was a smile that was content, pleased, and gentle. It made Umeda's already beautiful face, totally captivating. Shizuki couldn't stand to look at him like that. They talked for a time before Shizuki finally decided to broach the subject he'd wanted to talk about as soon as Umeda had arrived. He knew though that it was going to take a delicate approach to get Umeda to agree to what he was about to ask.

"Akiha's invited me to the opening of an Art gallery downtown. It's supposed to be a big sophisticated party. Formal wear, expensive food, and all that," Shizuki mentioned to Umeda, pretending nonchalance.

Umeda raised his eyebrows in interest. "Sounds expensive."

"No. He's giving me a free ticket. Some of his stuff is being displayed so he wants me to come see it."

"He would."

There was an awkward, quiet moment.

"So, uh, Akiha wanted me to invite you to come," Shizuki fiddled with his glass anxiously. He sounded like a silly girl asking out her crush. Dear God, shoot him!

Umeda's answer was prompt. "Hell no."

Shizuki tried not to show his disappointment. He really didn't want to go if he was gonna be there alone. He knew Akiha would be there with a few of his friends that Shizuki had met, but Akiha would be busy and he really didn't know those people that well. He had never been much of a party mingler. He was one of those people that worked best with a wing man in those kinds of situations. If it was formal it would it make it that much more awkward for him. Sometimes, it sucked having such distinguishing looks.

Umeda noticed his companion's expression though, and sighed. He was gonna get suckered into this somehow. He could feel it.

"He said he was saving a ticket for you," Shizuki remarked, in hopes that it might help to sway the doctor's mind.

"Do you know anyone else that's going besides Akiha?" Umeda asked shrewdly.

Shizuki shrugged. "Sort of."

"Ah," Umeda smiled, suspicions confirmed. "You could just ask me out if you want me to come."

The blond blinked. He had a bad idea of what that question had meant, but he hoped he was wrong. "What like a date?" he asked, with a slightly horrified look.

"You could call it that," the doctor smirked in amusement.

Shizuki's face turned bright red and he spluttered angrily, trying to cover up the embarrassment such an idea had caused him to have. "Hell no! Akiha wants you there! Not me!"

"Uh huh," Umeda's smirk grew wider.

"I just don't want to be stuck with only Akiha to talk to!" Shizuki snapped defensively.

"To bad for you. I'll decline. There is nothing in it for me. I don't feel like being tortured by Akiha for no reason," Umeda said, waving his hand dismissively.

Shizuki scowled. "So you're just gonna let me feel like the outsider at the party? I can't turn Akiha down! He saved me a ticket and is expecting me to be there!"

"Not my fault." The doctor shrugged carelessly.

The blond glared at him. He didn't even know why he cared so much whether Umeda was there or not. He might try to do something to Shizuki again. The guy didn't take a hint about not harassing him. Shizuki had no idea why the man had any interest in him. Or why he kept coming near the doctor despite all the harassment. For whatever reason though he enjoyed Umeda's company and wanted him at the party.

"Fine," Shizuki sighed in defeat. Umeda shrugged again, clearly thinking that the blond had given up. "Will you come to the stupid art viewing with me?"

The doctor's expression was a perfect Kodak moment. To bad Shizuki didn't have his camera. Umeda's look of utter shock lasted for half a minute before melting away into a smug smile. "Of course. I don't mind being your arm candy for the event."

Shizuki glared at him and shot to his feet. "Never mind! Forget I even asked!"

"To late. I'm going now," Umeda grinned, grabbing the younger man's arm and pulling him back into his seat. He couldn't stop smiling. He loved picking on this guy. It was just to much fun. "You know if I'm your date I want a kiss at the end of the night."

"Oh hell no!" Shizuki barked at him, yanking his arm free of Umeda's grip. "You're uninvited! I'm not taking you!" He jumped back to his feet, slammed some cash on the table before storming off. The whole time as he walked away he muttered under his breath about arrogant bastards, but could not hide the blush that stained his cheeks. Umeda's grin turned toothy, giving him the look of the Cheshire cat who took great pleasure in thoroughly upsetting the poor unwitting Alice. This art party was going to be fun.

/

"I'm going outside for a smoke break," Umeda told Shizuki.

Shizuki nodded. "I'll be here." He moved on to the next photograph.

Umeda drifted off through the crowd. The blond watched him go out of the corner of his eye. He was having a good time. He was a little amazed by that. He had expected this night to be awkward as well as humiliating if Umeda decided to pick on and harass him endlessly. The doctor had not. In fact, he saw a whole different side of the doctor tonight. One that appreciated art, was quite learned at different kinds of art and its history, and was a very pleasant conversationalist with everyone around him. He'd even managed to be polite to Akiha when the excited photographer had rushed over and gushed about how overjoyed he was to see his 'love' there at the party. Umeda had merely rolled his eyes, but maintained his gentlemanly attitude. Akiha had commented on how gorgeous Umeda looked all dressed up in a formal suit, and secretly Shizuki agreed with the other blond. Umeda looked absolutely striking.

Reluctantly, Akiha had been forced to move on to other guests. Shizuki and Umeda had moved off to view the artwork. They hadn't seen Akiha since much to their combined relief. Shizuki had found himself comparing the 'date' with Umeda to one he might have had if he'd taken a woman. He found himself picking out more pros then cons to the differences Umeda presented. Shizuki didn't feel like he needed to entertain Umeda. In fact, the doctor was actually educating him quite a bit on the different art styles and artists. Umeda was fun to talk to and very intelligent. He did not hang on Shizuki's arm, but did stay in his personal space not letting him forget they were meant to be there 'together.' Shizuki didn't really mind, weirdly enough. It was actually comforting to know the doctor was next to him when he felt awkward about people coming up to talk to them. They were attracting more attention than he had expected despite the number of top models that were there. In fact, they had both been mistaken for models. It was Umeda though that smoothly explained otherwise. Shizuki was happy Umeda had decided to come with him. He smiled at himself at that thought.

A shiver suddenly ran down his spin before he felt a hand touch his butt briefly. He started, jumping slightly sideways, and bumped into someone. He turned to apologize only to find himself face to face with a very good looking, but strange guy. The man had black liner around his eyes and two toned hair, the top was black while the bottom layer was dyed red. He was dressed all in black down to even his shirt and tie. He even had black nail polish on. Shizuki was so startled by the guy's clashing appearance with the rest of the party's crowd, that he was momentarily tongue tied. He unwittingly gave the guy the exact reaction he'd wanted.

"I usually take peoples' breath away when they meet me. You're the first to lose his voice," the guy smiled arrogantly.

Shizuki took a step away from him. It felt like his skin was crawling. "And who are you?"

"I'm Kisuke Sagaguichi. A famous model for Akiha Hara," the guy looked surprised and mildly offended.

"Oh. Never heard of you," Shizuki remarked, distaste growing towards this conceited model.

The model shrugged as though it didn't matter. He was clearly irritated though by the lack of recognition. "You must not be from around here then. What's your name?"

"Ashiya. I'm from California."

"No first name." Kisuke prodded, ruffled feathers seemingly beginning to settle back down.

Shizuki chose not to answer.

"Well, Ashiya-san, I couldn't help but try to find out who you were. I've never seen such beautiful natural blond hair. You have amazing eyes too. You caught my eye. You're very handsome." The model complimented him, laying it on way to thick.

"Yes, well, nice to meet you Sagaguchi-san," Shizuki smiled thinly, trying to excuse himself.

"Wait, wait! Don't be like that! I would really like to get to know you better. Would you like to get a drink with me?" Kisuke smiled, but it was calculating and almost hostile.

Shizuki tried to maintain his temper. He politely turned the man down before trying to walk away. He growled when the model grabbed his elbow.

"C'mon, one drink. Or are you afraid you're boyfriend will be jealous?" the model smirked.

Shizuki's expression darkened dangerously. "He's no-!"

"Is there something wrong, Shizuki? Umeda's voice interrupted.

Shizuki half turned to see the doctor staring the model down with a look that resembled that of an angry wild cat. Umeda stepped up to his side, before brushing the model's hand off his elbow. Umeda slung his arm around the blond's hip possessively. Shizuki started to protest, but one glance from that perilous gaze quelled him.

"We were just talking," Kisuke said calmly, though his step backwards betrayed how unnerved he was by Umeda's presence.

"Uh huh. Well, he's with me. And I'd appreciate if you didn't try to pick up my boyfriend when I'm not around. Just because you got your fifteen minutes of fame doesn't mean you get a free pass for having no manners," Umeda said condescendingly.

"How dare you! How did you get into this party? Clearly, no one with any kind of taste invited you," spat the model.

"As a matter of face, Akiha Hara invited us. We are personal friends of his." Shizuki spoke up.

Kisuke's mouth fell open in shock. "You're friend's of Hara's?"

"Yeah, so why don't you get lost before he finds out one of his models is behaving foolishly," the doctor snapped.

The model huffed angrily before striding off.

"Boyfriend?" Shizuki pushed Umeda's hand off his hip. He ignored the warm tingle that lingered in its absence.

Umeda shrugged, expression back to normal. "It got rid of him, didn't it?"

Shizuki snorted rudely.

"It was so sweet of you to defend me," Umeda grinned, teasingly.

"I did not!"

"Yes, you did. It was adorable."

Shizuki gritted his teeth.

"He was the one who grabbed your ass by the way. I watched him do it from the window where I was smoking," Umeda remarked.

"That asshole!" Shizuki spun in the direction the model had gone in. A vague idea to go find that weird guy and beat him crossed his mind.

"Can't really blame him," the doctor said behind him.

Shizuki glanced back at him with a bemused look on his face. "Why not?"

"It's a nice ass. Hell, I've been trying not to grab it all night," Umeda smirked.

Shizuki turned red and jumped away from him. "Why the hell are you looking!"

"Newsflash! I'm gay. And you're hot," the doctor rolled his eyes, before walking away.

The blond scowled at Umeda's back for a moment before striding after him, much to his shame. Sticking with Umeda was better than that prick of a model. He refused to examine the brief feeling of flattered pride he felt at Umeda's words.

/

The rest of the night went fairly smoothly. They saw Akiha once more before they left. They said their good byes to him as quickly as possible, which was nearly impossible because the photographer kept begging them to stay longer. They had both had enough though and were ready to get out of there. Neither one was exactly the party type. So it was like déjà vu when they stood outside Shizuki's apartment door once more.

"You owe me a kiss," Umeda said bluntly.

Shizuki backed against his door. "I don't remember saying that was part of the deal."

"You didn't. I did. That's my reward for going with you," the doctor replied. He walked forward and planted his hand on the door above Shizuki's shoulder. He leaned in, with a smirk tickling the edges of his lips, and whispered. "I'm not leaving until I get it."

The blond stared up into Umeda's intense beautiful eyes and felt like a butterfly that had been pinned to a board. He was frozen in place. His hard began to drum at a faster tempo at the closeness of the doctor's body. He could feel the other man's heat and smell the cologne on Umeda's skin. He was torn between ducking into his apartment before Umeda could kiss him and simply acquiescing to the doctor's demand. His body had already betrayed him. He tipped his head back, offering up his mouth for the doctor to take. Umeda blinked in momentary surprise before he took the invitation that had been extended to him.

Their mouths met in a chaste press of lips. It stayed that way for a few heartbeats, but Umeda wanted—no needed—to taste more of the blond. He changed the angle of his mouth, opening up and sweeping his tongue across the younger man's lips. Shizuki refused to budge. Umeda gave it up after a moment, content to just kiss with no tongues if that was what the blond wanted. They kissed for several long moments. Umeda's hands found Shizuki's shoulders, wanting to hold him, but not daring to do more than that. The kisses were gentle exchanges of mouths that felt better than Shizuki cared to admit and left Umeda wanting so much more. Finally, Umeda pulled away. Their lips paused only a breath apart. Someone's breath hitched, but neither one knew who. Maybe they were both guilty of the little sound that had betrayed them. Umeda's hands tightened minutely on Shizuki's tense shoulders before he withdrew. He reluctantly slid his hands down the blond's arms before his grip slipped free entirely. Umeda swallowed hard, hating how his body was begging him to take this man right here in the hallway.

"Why do you-?" Shizuki stopped mid-sentence like he was afraid to hear the answer to the question he so desperately wanted to know.

Umeda knew what he meant though. "I dunno. It's something about you."

"What?"

"I don't know," the doctor snapped. But he really did know. It was those deep blue eyes. It was his scent, a mix of his cologne and natural spicy smell that clung to his skin. It was his lips and the softness of his skin. It was his passion and inner fire. It was his intelligence and loyalty to family. It was everything. Umeda knew he was treading in dangerous waters. "I think it'd be best if we don't see each other anymore."

It sounded like such an odd thing to say. It was something you said when you were breaking up a relationship. They didn't even have a friendship.

"You make it sound like I'm trying to see you," Shizuki said defensively. He wasn't. It was always a coincidence. Yet, every time they bumped into each other he felt a strange thrill. He was, even if he wouldn't admit it, happy to see Umeda. If he dug down deeper he knew he would know why he felt that way, but he shut off that train of thought before it could get very far.

Umeda chuckled darkly. "Maybe it's not you."

Shizuki stared at him. The doctor had just as good as admitted that he went out of his way to see the blond. What had he done that had caused Umeda's increasingly frequent run-ins? He hadn't exactly been kind. In fact, he'd been prickly and rude. Yet, so far they'd shared three kisses, drinks, and companionship. All of those kisses had been amazing. He forced himself to admit that to himself. As much as he hated to even think of it, he realized there was some kind of strong pull between them. For him, he thought maybe it was the tantalizing mystery about Umeda and the way he made Shizuki feel with just a touch. For Umeda, it could just be all lust. Whatever it was, it was getting harder to ignore. He so desperately needed to ignore it.

"You're right," he blurted suddenly after the long silence between them. "We do need to stay away from each other. You drive me crazy with all your sexual harassment. And I really have no interest in you. You make me feel sick."

Umeda smirked. "And you're attitude is atrocious." There was a dark, almost wounded look in his eyes.

"Whatever. I'm going. Good bye," Shizuki said bluntly, turning away.

"Right, bye."

/

"Fuck," Umeda whispered, letting his head fall forward until it rested on the steering wheel of his car. How did this keep happening? He avoided anywhere the 'boy doctor' might be, yet they still ran into each other. For whatever stupid reason Shizuki had invited him out and Umeda had accepted despite himself. This time he hadn't been able to stop himself from kissing the blond. Even when everything in him screamed for him to stop playing around and leave. The magnetic force of his attraction was so fierce that it took over his rational mind whenever he was even close to Shizuki. He hated himself for it. No sooner did he give up his useless, wasted efforts on one unattainable straight guy then he seemed to find another to fixate on.

"Fuck!" he barked, banging his head on the steering wheel.

Why couldn't he just find a hot, gay guy to fall for? It would be so much easier.

/

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	4. What Would Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stripped my senses  
> On the spot  
> I've never been defenseless  
> I can't even make sense of this
> 
> You speak and I don't hear a word
> 
> What would happen if we kissed  
> Would your tongue slip past my lips  
> Would you run away, would you stay  
> Or would I melt into you  
> Mouth to mouth, lust to lust  
> Spontaneously combust
> 
> -What Would Happen By: Meredith Brooks

Warning: This chapter is ridiculous. LOL.

Chapter Four

Like the moments of genius Shizuki sometimes had, he had moments of stupidity. These seemed to happen much more often than the moments of genius. Maybe the blond stereotype was true when it came to him. Maybe it was because he didn't think before he talked—and more often than not before he did anything at all. He was after all rather impulsive. Really though the moments of stupidity could probably come down to his over large sense of curiosity. This moment of stupidity could definitely be blamed on that quality more than the others. Later, he'd wished he'd kept his big mouth shut.

Shizuki had been hanging out with Akiha for months now. Yet, not once had he ever brought up his fixation with Umeda. He'd been careful not to tread anywhere near that topic since Akiha was prone to be over enthusiastic about things he loved. Shizuki really didn't wanna have to be around for that kind of display when it meant the subject was the one person he was trying to avoid. Still as said before, Shizuki had moments of stupidity. And he really didn't know what made him ask this question.

"So you're in love with Umeda?" Shizuki asked Akiha tentatively.

He and Akiha were sitting alone in a posh club that Akiha frequented with all of his models and other various high profile people that he knew. The crowd that had been hanging out with Akiha had dispersed only moments before. Shizuki had spent a lot of time around all of those people, but had yet to make any true friends out of the bunch. They may have been rich, famous, or both, but he really wasn't impressed by either. Maybe that's why they didn't take to him so well. He didn't really care. As long as there were drinks being sold where are Akiha took him, he was happy. Even if it was only mid-afternoon and way to early to be getting even remotely drunk. Yet it was needless to say, he was more than a little buzzed when this question finally slipped out. His curiosity had finally gotten the better of him.

The other blond grinned at his unease. "Yes!" the photographer answered. He was always more than willing to talk about the doctor to anyone who would dare listen.

"Why!" the inquiry burst out of Shizuki in a rush. Why did he care what Akiha saw in the doctor? The little voice in the back of his head whispered that maybe he wanted to know so he could understand why he felt drawn to Umeda too. He did his best to ignore it.

Akiha laughed. "I see he made quite the impression on you."

The doctor flushed, thinking of the kisses they'd shared. "Yeah, I guess. Not in a good way." What a lie! His conscience giggled at him. Those kisses had definitely been good.

"I'm sorry to hear that. To answer your question it's because he's kind, passionate, loyal, and very lonely."

Shizuki snorted rudely. "Right." He refused to acknowledge any truth in that statement.

"Maybe you forgot how much he looked after and protected Mizuki despite the jeopardy it placed his career in. If the school had decided to make a claim against him, he would have been ruined. He's a doctor, because he likes looking after others. He may seem obnoxious and bizarre, but underneath he's a very soft hearted individual," Akiha explained to him.

The boy doctor had to admit Akiha had a point. "Lonely though?"

"He's been chasing after the same guy for over ten years. What's that tell you?" The photographer looked over at the other blond pointedly.

"He's desperate. And he told me he gave up on Ryoichi. Good thing too. I met that jerk. I couldn't see what Umeda saw in the guy," Shizuki said, casually.

"Wait, what! He gave up! You met Ryoichi?" Akiha nearly dropped his glass in shock.

"Yeah, he wasn't anything special. Umeda said he was tired of having his heart stomped on. That and Ryoichi got married," the boy doctor replied off handedly. He really didn't understand why Akiha was having so big of a reaction over such a trivial piece of information. It was old news. "Didn't you know?"

The photographer stared in astonishment. "I never thought he'd give up…" There was a glimmer of excitement as a big, mischievous grin spread across his lips. "His heart's a free agent again."

Shizuki suddenly felt like he'd made a big mistake in telling Akiha what he'd known.

"I can make my move!" Akiha looked positively gleeful.

"I don't think that's such a good idea right now. He looked pretty depressed," Shizuki tried to discourage him. He actually felt guilty for having let the truth slip even though Umeda hadn't told him to keep it a secret.

"I'll cheer him up!" Akiha jumped up. "He's sure to fall for me now when I charm him into my clutches!"

"Are all you gay guys this crazy?" the boy doctor began to scoot away in fear of the maniacal look creeping into Akiha's eyes.

"I'm bi," the blond photographer said absently, as he began to plot out possible heroic scenarios of him sweeping Umeda off his feet. He started walking towards the door without realizing that Shizuki wasn't right behind him.

"Where are you going?" Shizuki scrambled to his feet. He lurched a little as his head began to spin.

Akiha glanced back. "To Osaka High, of course, to rescue my damsel in distress!"

"Damsel?" the other blond stared in horror. Oh, man it had been a bad idea to tell Akiha! He actually felt sorry for the doctor. He'd accidently sicced Akiha on him.

"Come on!" Akiha commanded, striding onward.

Shizuki followed but for no reason he could clearly understand. "Why?"

"So I can have a witness to how quickly he'll succumb to my wooing!" Akiha's smile already looked triumphant. He almost did look like a knight charging off to save his lady, save for the crazed look in his eyes.

"Uh…"

"Come on!" the photographer grabbed his arm, dragging him along.

If ever there was a time he wished he could take back something he'd said, it was now.

/

Umeda nearly jumped out of his skin as the door to his little medical center slammed open. A moment later he wished he had a gun as Akiha came literally bounding into the room. He almost didn't notice Shizuki trailing in behind the photographer and quietly shutting the door once more. Umeda yelped as he dodged being glomped by mere inches.

"What the hell are you doing here, Akiha!" Umeda tried not to shout. He'd already been reprimanded by his employers several times for being to loud when he got upset.

Akiha had caught himself on the edge of the desk, just barely, before he would have hit the floor. He spun around and threw his arms out dramatically. "I always knew we were soul mates! Shizuki informed me that you had given up on your wasted efforts of love for that wretch Ryouichi! I came at once to offer myself to you once more."

Umeda was to stunned by this diatribe to react immediately. He stood there for a moment, staring at the photographer like he'd lost his mind. Then he glanced over at Shizuki, who shrugged sheepishly and shuffled his feet. Umeda glared at the blond before turning that scathing look on Akiha. It didn't seem to have any effect on the photographer.

"I would rather gargle razor blades then ever say yes to you," Umeda spat. "Especially after that disgusting display."  
Akiha frowned for a moment. "I was being chivalrous, my love. I came as soon as I heard you were in need of someone to sooth your bruised heart." He kept the act going despite the death glare he was receiving for his efforts.

Umeda sent one more hateful glare Shizuki's way, before answering. "My heart's not bruised, you moron! Even if it was, I don't want anything to do with you!"

"You're making my efforts to sweep you off your feet very difficult," Akiha pouted.

"Do I look like some kind of princess to you!"

Akiha looked thoughtful. "Well, you are beautiful. Any woman would kill to have your looks. You know how much I would love to take pictures of you. Especially after you've just made love with me. I would love to see that expression and capture it forever." Akiha sighed wistfully.

Umeda felt his blood pressure skyrocketing. "Stop thinking of me like that!"

"Alas! Those thoughts are only wishes until you give in to my love," Akiha sighed dramatically, before rushing towards the doctor once more. He flung his arms out as he attempted to sweep Umeda into his embrace. Umeda grabbed his desk chair and shoved it between them, blocking the photographer from him by only inches.

"Stay away from me, you idiot!" Umeda snapped.

"But I want to kiss you! Let me sooth away your hurt feelings!"

"I would rather kiss anyone else any day of the week than ever kiss you, Akiha!" Umeda snapped, throwing a book at the blond that he grabbed off the desk.

"Oh yeah! Well, prove it then!" Akiha shot back irrationally. His patience finally cracked. Really why was it so hard for Umeda to say what a great man he was?

Shizuki had not moved from his spot by the door. He was completely in awe of the absolute melodrama unfolding in front of him. It was insane! How in the world had he gotten dragged into this again? He watched as the two scowled at each other before Umeda turned away. Akiha smirked as though he'd won that part of the argument. That was until he realized that Umeda had set his sights on poor Shizuki.

Shizuki's eyes widened in horror when he caught the gleam in Umeda's eyes. He was suddenly in motion, trying to back away and scramble for the door knob. He looked ironically like a mouse about to get eaten by the big, hungry cat. Umeda pounced and was on him in a second. Shizuki scrambled to get away, but he was to late. The doctor caught Shizuki, spun him around, and grabbed him by his jacket labels. He seemed oblivious of the blond's struggle to get away, as he dragged Shizuki against him.

"Don't—!" Shizuki managed to gasp, voice desperate and frightened. Umeda darted his head forward before the blond could jerk away and kissed him while his mouth was still open in declaration. The blond stiffened in complete shock. Akiha's heart jumped into his throat. Really, the scene would have been hilarious if it were any other two people. Shizuki's arms were locked in front of him, trying to keep Umeda back. Somehow, the doctor had bent over those arms to reach Shizuki's lips. Umeda's hands still gripped the blond's jacket. Really it should have been funny, but Akiha wasn't laughing.

Any moment Shizuki would get over his surprise and freak out. He might even hit Umeda. Any second…

But Akiha was wrong.

To Shizuki it felt like a horde of butterflies had just erupted in the pit of his stomach. His hands unintentionally curled themselves into the fabric of Umeda's shirt as his arms seemed to lose their strength. The doctor took advantage of the sudden weakness to pull Shizuki in snuggly against the hard, lean planes of his body. Shizuki felt like his brain was short circuiting. It was sending the entire wrong signals to his body. Lust mixed with fear and something so much brighter burned through him. Umeda's mouth moved over his, hot and insistent, before slipping his tongue into the blond's mouth to taste him deeper for the first time. Umeda groaned at the spicy, unique flavor of Shizuki that seemed to melt on his tongue. A weird little noise, almost a whimper, escaped the blond as his knees suddenly buckled. He sank towards the floor, Umeda following him for a moment. Then their mouths separated and Umeda's grip slipped away. Shizuki hit the floor with an ungraceful thump. He stared up at Umeda, chest heaving and pleasant zings of sensation singing down every nerve with lusty awareness. He couldn't ignore the sudden throbbing in his southern regions either. The doctor was smirking at him, but it seemed a little off kilter. Maybe it was because Umeda was breathing just as hard.

There was a tense, thick, awkward silence as they stared at each other. They were now very aware of the third person in the room that they had forgotten about while locked in that kiss. Akiha's hands were clenched into fists. His face was set in a mask of shock and anger. That was not how he had pictured this whole scenario going. What astonished him the most was Shizuki's reaction to Umeda. The blond hadn't fought. He'd given in like he'd been waiting—no- wanting that kiss. Akiha gritted his teeth. He felt like a fool. How had he not seen what had been going on right under his nose? Umeda had given up on Ryoichi, because he'd fallen for Shizuki. One straight guy for another apparently. Only Shizuki didn't seem so straight now as he sat on the floor, staring at the doctor with kiss swollen lips.

"When were you gonna tell me you liked Umeda too!" Akiha shouted. "You probably told me all that so you could watch me come over here and act like a fool! You want Umeda for yourself!"

Shizuki looked angry and horrified, but more than anything, shocked. "What! No! I don't even like Umeda!"

"That was one hell of a kiss for not liking someone!" Akiha snapped.

Umeda snickered. "Maybe you already forgot that I kissed him. Or that I like him, not the other way around."

Both blonds stared at him like he'd lost his mind.

"You like me!"

"You like him!"

Both blonds exclaimed at the same time. Umeda looked like he'd made a very grave error in his choice of words.

"Well, I haven't exactly been subtle about it," Umeda remarked, somewhat defensively. He hadn't meant to admit he liked Shizuki. Shit. "I mean I've kissed Shizuki like four times now."

"Four!" Akiha looked devastated. He glared down at Shizuki. "You knew I loved Umeda, but you've kissed him anyways? What kind of friend are you!"

"I never kissed him! He attacks me!" Shizuki declared angrily.

Akiha snorted. "You didn't look like you were eager to get away."

Shizuki flushed. "Well, I…"

"Oh, save it. I can tell when I'm not wanted!" Akiha straightened up and tried to look dignified. "I give up! Are you happy, Umeda? I won't pursue you anymore! I hope you two are happy together!"

Umeda tried to stifle his laughter. "Actually that does make me happy."

Akiha scowled before marching to the door. He flung it open, hitting Shizuki rather hard with the edge of it. He paused for a moment and stared down his nose at the other blond. "We aren't hanging out together anymore. You've ruined our friendship." With that, he flounced out before jerking the door shut behind him.

"Thank God, he finally gave up!" Umeda flung his arms up with joy. "I wish I had known it was that easy to get him to back off."

Shizuki growled under his breath as he clambered to his feet. "Thank for dragging me into it, you bastard."

The doctor looked over at him with a rather unsympathetic look. "You deserved it. What in the hell possessed you to tell Akiha something like that?"

"Well it wasn't exactly a secret," Shizuki said, cynically. "Besides, I just lost a friend over that nonsense."

Umeda shrugged. "Temporarily maybe. Akiha always knew he never had a chance with me. He should thank you for helping him see the light."

"You're such an asshole." Shizuki grumbled, dusting off his pants. He failed to notice Umeda eyeing his crotch. The blond's pants did little to hide the proof of how much he'd really enjoyed the doctor's kiss. Umeda smirked to himself in amusement. "I have to call a cab to get a ride home, thanks to you."

"If you wait a few minutes I can give you a ride home." Umeda offered graciously (or at least appearing to be anyways).

Shizuki eyed him suspiciously. He sensed an ulterior motive behind that offer. "No, thank you," he ground out.

"Oh well, I would have liked to have helped you with your problem," Umeda's eyes drifted meaningfully to the blond's crotch.

Shizuki blushed crimson before grabbing the door and yanking it open. "I don't have a problem!" He snapped then stormed out. The door slammed shut behind him.

Umeda chuckled. "Sure you don't. Damned blonds are gonna break my door. How would I explain that one to my boss?" He stared at the door for a second. He really liked how sexy Shizuki looked all flustered and upset like that. God, he wanted to get his hands on the blond so bad. He hadn't been playing when he said he wanted to help Shizuki out with 'his problem.' He'd like to help the blond out alright. Right outta his clothes and stretched out naked on Umeda's bed, begging to be taken. The doctor licked his lips, and could still taste Shizuki's lingering flavor on his tongue. He was past treading in dangerous waters. He was starting to sink in them.

/

That night the doctor and the blond both woke up from a rather vivid dream. One woke up to sticky damp shorts while the other woke up flushed crimson and wishing he could ignore his raging hard on. Both groaned in irritation. The blond because he gave in, much to his shame, and wrapped his hand around his dick. The other from having to shuck his dirty shorts for a pair of briefs he hated, because he needed to do laundry.

And the dreams stayed vibrantly detailed, even despite reality trying to fade them away already.

Umeda dreamed of exactly what he had fantasized earlier in the day. Shizuki lying naked on the doctor's bed with the moonlight turning his honey colored hair to silver. Shizuki's blue eyes had blazed brighter than ever as he panted—waiting impatiently for Umeda's touch. The doctor had slid his hands down those strong thighs, before slipping underneath them to push those legs up towards the blond's chest. Umeda had lined himself and surged forward, diving into Shizuki with relish. He watched the boy doctor's lips part in a gasp as his cheeks flushed brighter. God, he'd looked so sexy. Umeda groaned lustily before snapping his hips forward. Beneath him, Shizuki moaned and reached up to draw him down into a heated, passionate kiss. He had lost himself in the taste, smell, and sounds of the gorgeous man he was buried inside. He'd woken up just as he had reached climax inside the blond's tight, hot body.

Shizuki's dream had started out less descriptive. He had been holding trim hips with soft, pale skin and staring down at the most perfect ass he had ever seen. He'd watched his dick sliding in and out of that ass with perverse delight. The slap of skin on skin and the wet, sexy sounds of his thrusts had made his mouth go dry as he began to grind harder. He'd shifted his eyes back to the hips cradled in his palms. He'd slid his right hand from one hip to the dip of that beautiful ass upwards over a trembling back. He remembered being somewhat confused by the broad shoulders of the person he was holding. There were no curves like a woman's body would have. Just lean lines, broad shoulders, smooth skin, and trim hips. And that ass. He couldn't forget that ass. He'd jerked awake when his hand reached mahogany hair and that head had turned. A pair of deep golden eyes had pierced him in place. His mind registered it was Umeda before he'd woken himself up rather violently.

In one apartment, the blond moaned a name he would never dare to admit had slipped past his lips in daylight. In his hand, his dick spurted cum as he reached completion. In another apartment, the doctor laid awake, replaying that dream in his mind and wishing it had been true. Both were lost in the dreams their sleeping minds had conjured. Both ached with a desire and need that they had never known before.

It scared them both.

/

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	5. Playing Your Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I keep playing your part
> 
> But it's not my scene
> 
> Want this plot to twist
> 
> I've had enough mystery
> 
> Keep building it up
> 
> Then shooting me down
> 
> But I'm already down
> 
> -Sitting, Waiting, Wishing By: Jack Johnson

Chapter Five:

Really? Shizuki thought in disbelief. He paused mid-step as he was climbing up into the bus he was taking to get home. He tried to determine if what he was seeing was real or a trick of the mind. Someone snapped impatiently at him to 'get on the bus already'. He climbed the rest of the way in, and found out his eyes really weren't lying to him.

Umeda was standing in the middle of the bus, holding onto a strap as he stared out the window.

The doctor glanced over when he saw a flash of gold out of the corner of his eye. He blinked twice in surprise when he saw Shizuki. Are you serious? He thought is amazement. This coincidental shit was really getting out of hand. So much for staying away from each other, he thought ruefully. It had only lasted a few weeks anyways. Then Akiha had dragged Shizuki into his office. After that amazing kiss, the whole trying to avoid each other scenario had gone completely down the toilet. Their run ins had become more frequent than ever before.

Their eyes met from across the bus. Shizuki found himself walking over in spite of his brain saying 'stop right there, you idiot!' "Why are you on this bus?" he blurted out rather rudely.

"Going home. I'm trying to save some money by not driving for a while," Umeda answered coolly. "We really don't live that far apart, you know."

"Yeah, I realized that," Shizuki said sullenly.

Umeda sighed. "You didn't have to stand with me if you didn't want to."

"I think it's rude not to at least say hello if you see someone you know somewhere," the blond explained.

"You haven't said hello," the doctor pointed out bluntly.

Shizuki scowled. "Hello, Umeda."

"Hello, Shizuki," the doctor smiled at him. There was something so amusing about teasing the blond.

They rode together in silence after that. Neither one knew what to say to the other. Both were trying to avoid thinking about kisses and soft touches with the man next to him. Shizuki was so busy trying to keep his mind clear he was caught off guard when the bus jostled hard. He stumbled sideways into Umeda. The doctor reached out and wrapped his arm around the blond just under his ribs, steadying him on his feet. Shizuki gasped sharply. That simple touch had sent a firestorm of tingling sensations shooting up his spin and straight down to his cock. He tried to tell himself it was the sensitive bundle of nerves the man's hand had landed on and not the man who had caused that feeling. He could only lie to himself so much though.

Umeda watched the blond intently. He wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what he'd done to upset Shizuki. He smirked mischievously. He was a doctor after all, and a chiropractor. He knew exactly where to touch to get a certain effect. He was amused to find that this spot was particularly sensitive on the blond. He trailed his hand down the blond's side before slipping his hand away. He did it as casually as possible so Shizuki wouldn't catch onto the fact that the move had been purposefully done. In the few seconds, it had taken for his hand to travel that route, the blond's breathing had turned shallow. His whole body shuddered noticeably, and he flushed crimson. Umeda hid his smile of satisfaction. He tucked those reactions away for future reference in the back of his mind.

"Sorry," Umeda pretended to look apologetic. "I didn't want you to fall."

"N-No, no. It's ok. Thanks," Shizuki managed to get out as he tried to recover his dignity. Unfortunately, his sudden hard on wasn't so easy to will away. He glanced sideways, suspicious of Umeda's true intentions. Maybe that had been all the doctor was trying to do, but Shizuki didn't really believe it. He'd hung around the man long enough to know that every time he got near Shizuki he found some way to touch him—or kiss him. He frowned when the doctor's expression gave nothing away. He was as impossible to read as ever when he wanted to be.

The bus ground to a halt at their stop at last. Umeda led the way towards the exit. He glared at people blocking his way. To Shizuki's amazement people were shifting out of Umeda's way as fast as possible. He understood a moment later when he caught the look in the doctor's eyes. Those dark honey colored eyes were narrowed in displeasure, giving him the predatory cat look that suggested he was staring down at his next victim. Shizuki shivered. He could see why the Osaka students had feared going to Umeda's clinic now like Mizuki had said. With a look like that, Shizuki would run away too. He followed after the doctor quickly before the path he'd created through the people disappeared.

They disembarked- pausing to straighten their clothes- before beginning to walk in the same direction. Now that they were off the bus, and could walk at a safer distance apart, Shizuki could think clearly again. He remembered that he'd actually been hoping (sorta) to run into Umeda. He'd had something important to ask him. He sped up so that he was walking along side the doctor a little closer than he had been before.

Umeda cast him a fleeting look. "I would have thought you'd want to get as far away from me as fast as possible," the doctor remarked, rather surprised at finding the blond at his side.

"Well, normally I would," Shizuki agreed, smiling slightly.

"But?" Umeda asked, smiling back.

They walked in silence for a minute.

"Can I ask you something?" Shizuki finally managed to inquire.

Umeda looked over and shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

"I need help with this medical report. I'm not quite sure how to write it. I've never been much of a writer and I'm not sure how to word everything I wanna say. Would you be willing to help me with it?" Shizuki asked. He quickly tacked on a reason before Umeda could tease him. "I don't know anyone else that might be able to help."

"What about your fellow interns?"

Shizuki looked down. "I don't think anyone would help me as much as you would."

Umeda smiled softly. "I'd be glad to help you. But—I'm not writing it for you."

"I wouldn't ask you to do that!" Shizuki looked scandalized. "I just need some advice on how to approach writing this and some of the wording. That's it."

"I know. I'm just teasing. Relax. I don't have a problem with helping you," Umeda replied, rolling his eyes.

Shizuki shook his head before answering. "Ok. Well, thank you."

"Tonight's the only night I can help you with your report. The rest of the week I have my own article to write for a magazine. Is that ok?" Umeda offered.

"Ummm…yeah. That's fine," Shizuki said, after he thought about it for a moment. "Where are we gonna work on this?"

"Do you feel comfortable working at my place? I won't mess with you," Umeda told him.

Shizuki hesitated. Did he really wanna risk it? He was desperate for help though. "Alright, but only if you promise not to harass me."

"I'll try not to," Umeda smiled. He couldn't make any promises, because Shizuki's body was just to damned tempting for him. He wanted to get his hands on the blone all the time. He thought he could control himself for a few hours though.

Shizuki eyed him warily. He hadn't missed the fact that the doctor didn't promise him that. Oh well. He could always leave if he wanted to. "Ok, can I come over after dinner?"

"Yeah, that's perfect. I'll see you at my place at 6pm," Umeda agreed. He gave the blond his address. "Call me if you get lost or something."

"Ok, see yah tonight," Shizuki waved good bye as he turned to cross the street to go back to the hospital.

Umeda waved back, watching the blond walk away. He observed the people around him watching the American weaving through the traffic too. His hair was a beacon for yards around. Umeda watched until he could no longer see the glint of gold. He was looking forward to having the blond at his place. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had any over for something other than sex. It would be refreshingly different. He only hoped he could keep his hands to himself. He had a feeling though, he wouldn't be able to for long.

/

Shizuki had made it to Umeda'a apartment just fine. He hadn't gotten lost. Umeda had invited him in and thus far had been a very good host. The blond had been impressed with how nice Umeda's apartment was along with all the expensive furniture and designer things he saw everywhere. He didn't think school doctors made that much, but Umeda seemed very comfortable. He also seemed to have expensive taste. Yet, despite all that the place felt cozy as well as homey.

Umeda had been a big help with his paper. They had spread out all the research books and notes on the table. Shizuki had given the doctor his outline while explaining how he wanted to write the paper. Then Umeda had helped him find all information he needed in his notes. After that he'd helped Shizuki set up a good way to present the information. Shizuki had begun to write. Whenever he got stuck or confused on how to phrase something he asked Umeda. The doctor was more than willing to help him find a way to write it out. The paper was almost complete by 9pm.

By then, Umeda had roamed to the couch with a cup of coffee. Shizuki had scooped up his work and followed him. He'd spread out all his work on the coffee table while Umeda switched on the TV. Where before the feeling between them had been completely business like and friendly, but now it had changed to something else. Maybe it was the more relaxed atmosphere since they'd moved over to the couch that had changed the feeling. Shizuki had written for a little while longer, but the strange charged feel of the space between him and Umeda began to get to him. So he paused to analysis the situation.

Shizuki sat on the floor with his back against the couch. Behind him, Umeda was sprawled across the couch taking only mild interest in the show on TV. His eyes seemed to stay longer on the blond than the picture box. It was the staring that was making Shizuki feel the difference in how they were interacting now. Shizuki tried to pretend not to notice. If he ignored the looks and the charged, heated feeling between them, he could almost trick himself into believing he was just hanging out with a friend. He glanced down at his books and the scribbled pages of his article that had barely been touched for the last five minutes or so. It was hard to concentrate with Umeda in arms reach of him, lying like a lion that only pretended at casual interest in his prey. Any moment he expected to feel a hand on the back of his neck or warm breath on his cheek. Umeda just laid there.

"That article won't write itself," Umeda remarked as if he'd just read Shizuki's mind.

The blond started and looked up. "What?"

"What are you worried about?" the older man asked, making sure keep himself away from Shizuki. He'd been ignoring the urge to kiss, touch and taste all of the blond. He figured he was doing pretty good, save for the desire he knew he couldn't completely mask.

Shizuki thought fast. He didn't want to give away that it was Umeda who was worrying him. "I don't think I'll be able to go home for Christmas. I don't have the money or enough time off."

"That bites."

"Yeah," Shizuki relaxed a little, believing he had gotten himself out of that.

Umeda considered for a minute, and then decided 'what the hell?' "Would you like to spend Christmas with my family?"

The blond eyed his suspiciously.

"Relax," Umeda laughed. "The rest of my family will be there. My parents, my sisters, my brother in law, and my insufferable nephew."

"I dunno…," Shizuki stalled. He was honestly tempted.

The doctor encouraged him gently. "I'm sure it would be better than spending it alone."

"Well…"

"Think about it." Umeda said, before letting the subject drop.

Shizuki felt like he'd buried himself further in the grave he seemed to be digging for himself where Umeda was concerned. Really the idea of meeting Umeda's family was intriguing. What kind of people had helped to shape the person that Umeda was today? Were they really as crazy as they sounded? It would definitely be a different kind of Christmas.

"That's not the only thing you're worrying about," Umeda pointed out, sitting up.

Shizuki's shoulders hunched towards his ears as if in a warding gesture when the doctor moved behind him. His actions gave him away.

"Ah, it's me," Umeda smiled sadly.

Shizuki made a strangled sound.

"I can't seem to stay away from you. Even when we did our best to avoid each other," the old man remarked, moving closer still.

Shizuki looked down at his hands, trying to ignore the way his heart had tripped into overtime as Umeda drew nearer. "I think fate or God or something is fucking with us."

I'd rather be fucking you, Umeda thought.

He swung his legs over the side of the couch so that they were hugging Shizuki's sides. The blond flinched. Umeda waited for him to bolt. To his surprise Shizuki stayed where he was, the faint trembling of his body vibrating up Umeda's legs.

"Why do you let yourself fall into this trap if you hate it?" Umeda whispered, as he grasped the blond's chin and tipped it back so their eyes met. "Are you scared, curious, or masochistic? Or do you like leading me on?" He leaned down. "Or do you secretly crave my kisses?" His mouth claimed the blond's in a soft, deep kiss. He was gratified to feel Shizuki's body shudder. He broke the kiss, letting their breath mingle for a moment. He gently nudged Shizuki's face aside. He nuzzled further down to kiss the blond's throat over his pulse. He smiled at the feel of the racing heart beat against his lips. He nipped gently, watching Shizuki's fingers curl into fists in his lap. He slid his tongue over the bite he'd just left, taking in the taste of the skin he'd been wanting to touch all night. Shizuki's breath was beginning to rasp in his throat as he tried to stifle a whimper. The sound betrayed him. Umeda smirked against the blond's skin. He'd found one of Shizuki's instant turn on buttons. He dragged his lips up the column of Shizuki's throat to kiss him once more.

This time it was Shizuki who broke the kiss by shoving him away with a hand to his chest. "Stop."

Umeda sat back, not really surprised. He'd gotten away with more than he thought he would. "If you didn't want the attention you should be more clear about it," Umeda grinned, moving away.

Shizuki flushed. "I have!"

"Oh really? Actions speak louder than words, you know?"

Shizuki shot to his feet, abruptly. "I'm leaving!"

"Alright," Umeda made no attempt to deter him. The blond looked at him with a mix of surprise and suspicion. "Don't forget your article."

Shizuki scowled at the calm tone. The bastard acted like nothing had just happened, despite that the fact that his skin was still tingling and his hard on was throbbing desperately. He snatched up his work and stomped towards the door. He glanced back once to see Umeda sitting on the couch, watching him leave with an amused little smile on his face. The blond scowled before tugging on his shoes. This behavior was not what he was used to in the slightest. But then Umeda was anything but predictable.

/

Umeda waited about an hour until he was sure that Shizuki would have made it back home. He picked up the phone and dialed the blond's number. He tapped his fingers on the TV remote as he waited for his call to be answered. He didn't have to wait long.

"Hello, Ashiya speaking." The blond's voice was pitched lower like he was trying to make himself sound deeper.

Umeda smirked as he answered. "It's Umeda ."

"Ugh," he heard the blond sigh over the phone. He snickered. He could almost see the irritation on Shizuki's face. "What do you want, Umeda?"

The doctor swallowed his laugh so he could answer. "So are you coming with me to my parents' house for Christmas?"

There was a stretch of silence.

"I thought you were gonna give me time to think about it," Shizuki muttered in agitation.

"I did. You had an hour." Umeda shot back. He'd been expecting that.

Shizuki sighed again. "I dunno. What will your parents think?"

"Who cares? They're creepy anyways," Umeda shrugged even though the blond couldn't see it.

"Creepy?"

"You'll have to see that for yourself to understand," the doctor replied cryptically. The blond was wavering. Umeda could tell. "Yes or no. You've got 5 seconds to make up your mind."

"Will there be booze?"

"What are you, an alcoholic?" Umeda teased him. He chuckled when he heard Shizuki growl at him. "Yes, there will be. 5, 4, 3-."

"Alright. I'll come," Shizuki agreed, sounding somewhat hassled.

"Good, I'll pick you up at 2pm on Christmas Eve. Good bye." Umeda hung up before the blond could try to back out of coming. He grinned in triumph. He had figured out the trick with Shizuki was to annoy or tease him until he agreed. Really the boy doctor was just to easy to figure out. He glorified in his victory for another minute then dialed his parents' house number.

"Hello, Umeda residence," His mother's voice sang across the line sweetly. Umeda wrinkled his nose in irritation. His mother still sounded like a high school teenager despite her age. It wasn't right!

"Hello, Mom," Umeda greeted her.

"Hokuto, darling! It's so good to hear your voice! You don't call often enough. I miss you, you know," his mother scolded him gently.

He sighed. "I know, Mom."

"How are you, darling?" his mother asked, slightly worried.

"I'm just fine, Mom. I was calling to ask you a question," Umeda told her.

His mother sounded excited, like she sensed something big was about to happen. "What about, darling?"

"Would it be ok if I bring a friend home for Christmas?" Umeda asked, trying to sound casual. Please, don't ask-?

"A boy?"

Umeda cringed. Dammit. "Yes, a boy—er, man."

"Of course, Hokuto! You never bring any of your friends home. How could I say no?" In the back ground he could hear his father asking her what he was talking about. He winced as his mother whispered loudly that 'Hokuto's bringing a boyfriend home!'

"Ok, Mom, we'll be there on Christmas Eve around 2:30 or so." He did his best to ignore his father's whisperings in the background.

"Alright, Hokuto. We can't wait to see you and meet your friend," his mother said brightly.

"Right," Umeda tried not to roll his eyes. "Good bye."

"Good bye, darling!"

Umeda hung up and muttered. "Thank God that's over."

It wasn't really. It was only just beginning. He couldn't wait to see what his family would be like when he showed up with Shizuki in tow on Christmas Eve. He vaguely hoped they wouldn't embarrass him to much, but he knew that was a useless hope. He prayed they wouldn't scare Shizuki off before he'd even stayed 5 minutes either.

/

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	6. You Play It Coy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
> 
> Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
> 
> Baby, don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
> 
> Cause you can see it when I look at you.
> 
> -Everything By: Michael Buble

Chapter Six

What the hell have I gotten myself into?, was the first thing Shizuki thought when Mrs. Umeda opened the door. He was more than a little taken aback to see that Hokuto's mother not only dressed in a Lolita outfit, but looked like she should still be a school girl. The doctor had tried to warn him that his parents were weird. Hokuto had tried to explain a little more about his family only the drive over to his family's home. After a while, he'd given up and told Shizuki he'd understand when they got there. Now, Shizuki did understand why Hokuta had said that. There was no way to prepare him for this. He watched in stunned fascination as Hokuto greeted his mother by bending down to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Shizuki managed to wipe the astounded look off his face when Hokuto began to introduce him.

"Mother, this is, Ashiya Shizuki," Hokuto gestured towards the blond.

Shizuki was a more than a little surprised by the sudden intensity with which he was being viewed. Mrs. Umeda looked him over like she was studying him for flaws. It only a lasted a few heartbeats, but it left Shizuki feeling very unsettled. How was he supposed to react when a woman that old, who looked that adorable, was staring at him as if judging his worthiness? "Umeda's never brought anyone home before. It's wonderful to meet you," Mrs. Umeda smiled sweetly after a moment. Apparently, he'd passed her inspection for approval.

Shizuki flushed hotly and stammered. "I-I'm not-."

"It's not like that, Mother. He's Mizuki Ashiya's brother, the girl who went to Osaka High. Shizuki's interning here and can't go home for the holidays. So I invited him over," Hokuto explained patiently.

"Oh, my mistake. I'm so sorry. Well, we are thrilled to have you regardless of the circumstances. I remember Mizuki-chan. She was very sweet. I must say though you are very handsome," She complimented him as she ushered him further into the house. She glanced back at Hokuto and winked knowingly.

Hokuto scowled. He could never hide anything from his family. She always said his eyes gave him away.

"Nice catch," Io mouthed at him as they walked into the sitting room.

He rolled his eyes in aggravation. He prayed it wouldn't be like this the whole time. What a pain in the ass that would be.

"You have such beautiful blond hair and blue eyes! You're so exotic looking!" Mrs. Umeda continued to gush.

"Er…thanks. I'm really half Japanese though," Shizuki told her.

Mrs. Umeda looked surprised. "I never would have guessed."

"My father's Japanese. My mother was American."

"Was?"

"Well, she died when I was very little. I don't really remember her very well." Shizuki explained.

Mrs. Umeda looked sad. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I love my step-mom and if my Dad hadn't met her then Mizuki would have never come along. And I love Mizuki," Shizuki smiled softly.

"Mizuki?" Minami looked up from the book he'd been reading. His mouth dropped open when he saw the blond. "You! I remember you! Mizuki's brother…er?"

"Ashiya Shizuki," Hokuto supplied, giving him displeased look.

Minami shrugged. "I only met him once."

"I remember you too though. You were the RA for dorm 2, right? The one Mizuki was in?" Shizuki asked, a deadly glint starting to shine in his eyes.

"Y-yeah that was me," Minami replied, looking nervous.

"You better have taken good care of her," the blond said with murderous intent.

Minami held up his hands in surrender. "I did!"

Shizuki looked somewhat appeased. He knew that this kid had watched out for Mizuki. She'd told him all about it. He was just testing. "Good."

"Well, I suppose we should make proper introductions," Hokuto remarked. He'd been amused at Shizuki's little display of intimidation. The blond always acted so fierce. Heart of a lion, he thought with a smirk. Except for when it comes to me. "Everyone, this is Ashiya Shizuki, Mizuki's older brother. Shizuki, this is my Mom, Dad, my sister Io, her son Minami, and her husband, and my younger sister, Rio."

Shizuki bowed politely. "It's nice to meet you all. Thank you for allowing me to join you for the holidays." Man, this family is weird, he thought. No wonder Umeda said they were creepy. His parents look like they should still be in high school. Guess, I know where Umeda gets his good looks from. His sister Io and her son look like models. Umeda caught his eye and shrugged. He could tell exactly what the blond was thinking.

"Any friend of Hokuto's is welcome," Mr. Umeda spoke up for the first time.

Shizuki had to quell the urge to duck behind Hokuto for a moment. His father had the same unnerving eyes as his son. It felt like his soul was being scrutinized and found lacking. "Thank you," he managed to say.

"Sit, you two, and I'll pour you some tea," Mrs. Umeda gestured towards the couch.

They had barely gotten settled and a cup of tea put in their hands, when Io's curiosity finally got the better of her.

"So you're really Mizuki's brother?" She asked, sitting forward eagerly.

"For Kami-sama's sake, Io! Don't start interrogating him. He just got here," Umeda groaned irritably. Shizuki glanced over at the doctor, surprised at his apparent rudeness to his older sister. Umeda rolled his eyes.

"Yes," Shizuki answered simply.

"And you were aware she was disguising herself as a boy to go to Osaka?" Io pressed.

Shizuki sighed. "I was aware. I had to lie to my parents about Osaka a lot in order for her to stay there. I tried to get her to come home. When I found out she'd lied to us about the school I was pretty upset. She managed to talk me into seeing her side of things, so I let her stay." Shizuki deliberately admitted Umeda's involvement in any way. He could see the doctor smothering a smirk in his tea cup beside him. He resisted the urge to elbow him in the ribs.

"She was very convincing," Io smiled fondly. "Wild horses wouldn't have dragged her away from Sano's side."

"I think it was very brace and romantic of her to come overseas to meet him, then help him start jumping again." Rio agreed. "Sano better be grateful to have her."

"Ah, young love is so passionate," Mrs. Umeda sighed dreamily. She gazed amorously at her husband, who smiled back.

"How true," Mr. Umeda took her hand and kissed it.

Mrs. Umeda's eyes settled on Shizuki and Hokuto for one long horrible moment as if to assess that they might be feeling the same. Hokuto coughed as a fumbled for a cigarette out of sheer nervous habit. Shizuki turned red, wishing he could hide under the coffee table. Maybe, this wasn't such a good idea, he thought.

"Mother, you're making them uncomfortable," Rio pointed out, much to their relief.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I keep forgetting you're just friends. It really is a nice change for Hokuto to bring someone with him for once. I keep telling him he needs to settle down," she gazed reproachfully at her son.

Hokuto gave a long suffering sigh. "Leave it alone, Mother, please?"

"Alright." She pouted. "I just want you to be happy."

She's trying a little to hard, Shizuki thought.

"So anyways," Io broke the awkward silence. "Did you decide to intern here, because of Mizuki, Shizuki-kun?"

"Uh, yeah," Shizuki cleared his throat before answering. "I wanted to be here to help her. I didn't know she was leaving until I showed up. It was to late to back out of my internship."

"How'd you end up hanging out with Hokuto?" Rio asked curiously. "I mean you seem pretty normal."

Hokuto scowled at her. She shrugged and smiled innocently.

"He was the only one in Osaka I really knew," Shizuki replied, somewhat mournfully. "He's been a good host to me so far when I needed help."

"A host, huh?" Minami smirked in amusement.

Hokuto gritted his teeth. He really wished he could throw something at his annoying nephew. "Yes." Hokuto growled at him. "I introduced him to Akiha, who's been showing him around town and helping him get to know people."

"So why aren't you hanging out with Akiha for the holidays?" Rio asked pointedly.

"He's out of town," they both answered at once, a little to quickly. They both looked at each in surprise.

"Well, that was sooo sweet of Hokuto to take care of you. He can be so selfish sometimes, you know." Io remarked, glaring somewhat evilly at her brother.

"Enough, Io dear," Mr. Umeda scolded. "He helped you when you needed that hotel cleaned."

Hokuto rolled his eyes. "Much to my dismay."

"Now, Hokuto," his mother admonished him gently.

"Yes, mother," he sighed.

Shizuki had a feeling he was missing something, but wasn't really to upset about it. Judging by the look on Io's face he definitely didn't want to get on her bad side. She and Hokuto seemed to bump heads a lot. She did seem like a pretty fierce woman.

"Oh, Hokuto, just so you know we are having the Umeda Christmas party here tonight." Mr. Umeda remarked casually.

Hokuto's eyes narrowed angrily. "What? Why didn't anyone tell me about this?"

Shizuki glanced around as the entire rest of the family suddenly took on an expression of mock innocence.

"If we had told you then you would never have come," Io said bluntly. "And it means a lot to Mom for all of us to be here for it."

"What's this Christmas party about?" Shizuki asked the doctor quietly.

"It's an annual event that gets moved from one relative's house to another every year. It's basically an excuse for the entire Umeda clan to get together and eat, drink, and be merry," Umeda explained, then scrubbed his hands through his hair in agitation. "And I absolutely hate it."

Mrs. Umeda sighed. "Now, Hokuto, just because Aunt Haruna keeps trying to set you up with her daughter does not mean it's a hated event."

"You try shaking off that old bat then. She doesn't seem to understand that I don't date girls," Hokuto scowled, folding his arms over his chest.

"Well, Shizuki-san's here this year, so at least you'll have someone to talk too." Minami said with a grin.

Hokuto gave him a death glare.

"He does have a point." Io smiled slyly.

"Does this mean I have to stay glued to your side to keep your aunt away?" Shizuki grumbled.

Hokuto glanced over at the blond, who was giving him a grumpy look. That actually made him smile. "Unless you want to get set up with my aunt's daughter. She's a really sweet."

"And a great cook," Rio put in trying to smother her laughter.

"And she does all the chores," Minami told Shizuki with mock seriousness.

"And she'll take good care you," Io finished.

Shizuki looked around at all of them. "I assume she's been giving the same speech for years."

"Yeah." They all said.

"What's wrong with her?" Shizuki asked pointedly.

They all grinned evilly. "She's bipolar."

"She's also really homely looking," Hokuto stated rudely.

"Now, children, be nice. She really is sweet," Mrs. Umeda scolded them.

They all rolled their eyes. Shizuki got the feeling this was gonna be a very interesting party. He had to wonder again just what the hell he had gotten himself into.

/

The party was just as big as Hokuto had implied, Shizuki came to find out. The Umeda family seemed to be quite large. He had stayed next to the doctor as the relatives arrived. He greeted them all politely as they filtered into the large living room. The room had been converted into the dance floor with chairs around the outside wall. There was a big Christmas tree in the corner with presents underneath. Holly and wreathes were hung up around the room. It was a very western style themed set up. It made Shizuki feel a little more at home. The refreshments had been put in a room across the hall from the living room to make more room. Even with all the furniture moved out of the way the room was soon growing packed with the number of people who kept arriving. Shizuki was already beginning to miss the smaller, more family oriented celebration he was used to back at home. He was actually grateful Hokuto was looking out for him. He felt like he might get lost in the crowd.

He saw the doctor cringe out of the corner of his eye. He looked around to see what had caused that reaction in Hokuto, as he shifted his glass of whiskey to his other hand. He watched in amazement as a large woman come barreling up to Hokuto.

"Ah, Hokuto-kun! It's been such a long time since I've seen you, boy. You've grown!" Aunt Haruna pulled the poor doctor into a rib crushing hug. "Where have you been the last several years for these Christmas parties?"

Hokuto managed to extract himself from her embrace with some difficulty. He scowled as he straightened out his shirt. "I work, Aunt Haruno. At a high school. Kids these days can't seem to keep themselves healthy." He lied through his teeth. Beside him, Shizuki smiled into his drink. Hokuto glared at the blond irritably.

"Well, that's no excuse! Really, my daughter Reiko, has been anxious to see you. It's such a disappointment when you don't show up, dear." Aunt Haruna scolded him.

The doctor resisted the urge to grit his teeth.

"You should go say hello to her and ask her for a dance. She's lonely, you know. She still can't seem to find a man to settle down with," the older aunt winked at him.

Hokuto scowled. "Aunt, really. I told you I'm gay."

"Oh nonsense. No one in our family has ever been gay," his aunt waved her hand dismissively.

"Actually, Aunt-." Hokuto started.

Shizuki sighed. He couldn't help, but feel sorry for the doctor. Guess it's my turn to do the saving, the blond thought, after all he saved me from that weirdo at the art galleria. He sidled in closer and slipped his arm around Hokuto's waist. The doctor looked over at him in shock. Shizuki smiled charmingly at the old witch. "Actually, Haruna-san, Hokuto is my boyfriend. He invited me to the party so he could introduce me to everyone."

Hokuto blinked a few times in stunned fascination at the blond. The arm around his waist actually felt a little possessive. What really had him amazed though was how forward Shizuki had been. He had never touched the doctor of his own accord before. Hokuto found he liked it very much. To bad it didn't really mean anything. And he wanted it to mean something so badly. God, I'm so screwed, he thought.

"Really, and you are?" Aunt Haruna was glaring at the blond like he was a bug to be squashed.

"Ashiya Shizuki, ma'am," the blond supplied. He just barely managed to keep his charming smile in place.

"How long have you two been 'dating'?" the older woman asked. She spat out the last word like it was something foul.

Hokuto finally found his voice. "Several months, Aunt Haruna. We're very serious about each other."

"Oh, really?" her voice was practically dripping distain.

"Really," Shizuki replied, sliding his hand a little lower to settle on Umeda's hip and tucking it in the doctor's front pants pocket. It was a move he'd seen hundreds of girls do to their boyfriends. He was shocked and a little sick at how easily it was for him to do it. And it felt frighteningly good. Apparently, Hokuto thought the same, because his breath hitched in his throat well the rest of him went completely still. Shizuki glanced over to find the doctor staring at him with a look of surprise and lust. The blond swallowed hard, feeling desire warming in his gut at how utterly beautiful Hokuto looked in that moment just because of how thrown off he was by the situation.

"Well, Ashiya-kun, it was nice meet you. Enjoy the party," Aunt Haruna cut through the sudden mood change like a knife through butter.

Shizuki cleared his throat and plastered a fake smile on his face. "Thank you, I will. It was nice to meet you too."

As soon as she walked away, Shizuki pulled his arm away from Hokuto. He refused to look at the doctor as he downed the rest of his drink.

"Thank you, Shizuki," Hokuto said, after a moment. He licked his lips as he tried to settle his desire down. "You saved me."

"You're welcome. I owed you anyways," Shizuki replied.

Hokuto shrugged and answered casually. "Well, anyways, thank you. That was pretty damn convincing. You almost had me fooled."

The blond finally looked over at him. He could still see the lust hiding in the doctor's expression. "I'm a good actor, Umeda." He said rather cruelly. Don't get any ideas, please, he thought desperately.

"Apparently," Hokuto remarked softly. "C'mon, let's get away door. I'm tired of greeting people."

"Yeah," Shizuki muttered, feeling horrible about what he'd just said. He trailed after the doctor further into the room.

/

Over in the corner, Rio and Minami were watching the doctor duo with calculating looks.

"Didja see that? That wasn't just a friendly embrace," Rio pointed out.

Minami rolled his eyes. "The guy was helping Hokuto out."

"Oh, he was helping alright. He even put his hand in nee-san's front pocket. He was inches away from nee-san's crotch," the younger Umeda sister gestured to the area she was referring too.

"Ashiya's a homophob. There's no way in hell he'd be interested in Uncle Hokuto like that," Minami argued.

"Whatever. Nee-san's interested in him like that. He had that Sylvester wants to eat the Tweety-bird look. I've seen it before," Rio remarked, folding her arms over her chest.

Minami shook his head. "Maybe, but that doesn't mean Ashiya's gonna fall for it."

"I bet you 5,000 yen nee-san will get into that blondie's pants tonight," Rio smirked.

"That's just wrong," Minami said with disgust.

"Scared to bet on it? You know you're gonna lose, right?" She pressed with a Cheshire cat smile.

Io suddenly walked up beside her son. "Of course, he knows that. Those two are a little to close to be just friends."

"You're on. 5,000 yen says Uncle Hokuto can't even land a kiss tonight let alone, get into his pants," Minami proposed confidently and put out his hand.

Rio and Io exchanged a conniving, evil look. Rio took his hand and shook it hard. "You better have your money ready by the end of the party." She began to walk off.

"Where are you going?" Minami called.

"To ask Shizuki-san for a dance," she replied with a wicked grin.

Minami looked over at his mother. "You two are planning something, aren't you?"

Io shrugged and smiled widely. "Who knows?"

"You're gonna make me lose out on 5,000 yen," he grumbled.

"You shouldn't bet, darling, if you're not willing to lose," she replied with a smirk.

/

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	7. Either way, Let's Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've got nowhere to go, we've got nothing to prove  
> Instead of dancing alone, I should be dancing with you  
> This song is turning me on, the beat is doing me in  
> Or maybe it's only you, but either way, lets begin
> 
> -Out of Control By: She Wants Revenge

P.S.: If you're wondering why I'm now referring to Umeda as Hokuto it's because there's to many other Umedas to mix him up with at this point. Shizuki will still refer to him as Umeda.

Chapter Seven

Rio strided confidently over to where her brother and Shizuki were chatting. Hokuto scowled at her as she stopped right beside the blond. He already suspected something was up. He could sense a plot coming a mile away. That wouldn't help him right now though. This whole idea was fail proof. She smiled brightly when Shizuki turned his attention to her. "Hi, Shizuki-san."

"Hi, Rio-chan," the blond replied a little dubiously.

"Is there something you wanted, Rio?" Hokuto cut in before she could say anything else.

Rio shot him an annoyed look. "Yes actually. I wanted to ask Shizuki to dance with me."

"Oh," both men said dumbly.

"You can dance, right, Shizuki-san?" Rio asked sweetly.

Shizuki nodded. "Um, yeah. My mother made sure of that. She's dance teacher."

Rio grabbed his hand and started to drag him onto the dance floor. "Then come dance with me."

Hokuto grabbed her arm to stop her. "Rio, what are you up to? Why do you want to dance with Shizuki?"

"Who wouldn't want to dance with the hottest non-family member at the party," she rolled her eyes before shaking him off. "Dance with me, Shizuki-san?"

"Alright, but just one dance," the blond agreed.

"Yes! Thank you!" She grinned before leading him out into the center of the floor.

There were only a few couples dancing. The party was only an hour or so old. Everyone was still mingling, grabbing drinks, and filtering in. Shizuki felt more than a little self-conscious as Rio set him out pretty much on center stage.

"Can you waltz?" Rio asked the blond.

"Yes," he answered simply. He took a deep breath, remembering the steps, before turning her towards him. He changed their hand position and set his hand on the small of her back. He led off in a much more confident step then what he felt. Rio didn't seem to notice his nervousness. She looked pleased as they began to dance. Shizuki was pleasantly surprised himself. She followed his lead fluidly, allowing him to guide her with more trust than was usually given to a man during a first dance. They settled into a comfortable, flowing waltz. Shizuki's nervousness melted away as the steps came back to him. They traveled around the dance floor and weaved their way between other couples.

"So," Shizuki finally spoke. "Why did you invite me to dance?"

Rio smiled. "Didn't buy my excuse?"

"No." He chuckled.

"Well, there was hardly anyone dancing and I wanted to help liven up the party. Which has worked, if you haven't noticed," She pointed out. Shizuki glanced around to find she was right. A lot more people had joined in dancing since they had started. "But mostly, I just wanted to make my brother envious, which is also working."

Both glanced over at Hokuto to see him with his arms crossed across his chest and an irritable look on his face. Shizuki grinned as he spun Rio around. As the song came to an end he dropped her into a low dip before bringing her back up slowly. Rio laughed in delight.

"You're a great dancer," she told him with appreciation as he led her back off the floor.

"Thank you," he replied kindly.

Hokuto uncrossed his arms as they came back to stand in front of him. "You two looked good out there."

"Shizuki-san is fun to dance with," Rio smirked at him.

"I'm sure," Hokuto remarked.

"I think you two should dance?" Rio suggested innocently.

"No, no. That's ok," Shizuki put his hands up and waved dismissively.

Hokuto eyed his sister warily. The feeling that she was trying to set something up intensified. "I don't think so either," Hokuto agreed with the blond. Shizuki looked over at him in mild astonishment. "What?" The doctor asked.

"Just surprised you agreed, that's all," the blond remarked.

Hokuto shrugged. "I don't feel like being the family spectacle."

"You already are," Rio joked.

"Shuttup, brat," the doctor scowled at her.

Rio stuck her tongue out at him. She folded her arms over her chest and sneered at him. "You know Mom's gonna try something. So you can either dance to avoid whatever silly romantic plot she's cooking up or just hope you manage to get out of it."

"Why does it seem like your family is trying to set us up?" Shizuki asked worriedly.

Hokuto sighed. "Trying?" He could see Rio's point. He had a feeling though that all the women in his immediate family were cooking something up. Not just his mother. However, dancing with Shizuki wasn't necessarily an unwanted desire. He put out his hand. "Dance with me?"

"Fine," Shizuki grumbled. "Just keep your hands off my ass."

"No guarantees." The doctor grinned wickedly.

Shizuki rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I hate you."

"No, you don't," Hokuto replied with a straight face. "You hate that you can't resist me."

In that, Shizuki had to admit, the doctor was entirely correct. He allowed himself to be pulled out onto the dance floor. He stepped in closer to Hokuto and waited for him to figure out what position they were dancing in. The doctor settled his left hand on Shizuki's lower back, raised their clasped hands, and led him off into a simple waltz.

"Why do you get to lead?" Shizuki inquired, feeling really odd to be dancing in the girl's position. He was so used to leading that he had to concentrate a little harder to put his feet in the right place.

"Because I asked you to dance," Hokuto smirked at him and pulled the blond in a little closer to his body. "Stop trying to stay so far out of reach. It makes dancing awkward."

"I'm not a girl."

"Kami-sama, forbid."

Shizuki couldn't help, but chuckle at that. After a few minutes, the steps came easier to the blond as he got used to dancing the opposite steps then he was used too. They began to dance more smoothly. Hokuto led with an easy kind of grace that the blond only wished he had. He knew he was a good dancer (his mother would have been disappointed otherwise), but Hokuto danced with the same grace with which he walked and moved. It helped Shizuki to relax into the waltz and trust his partner. They seemed to flow together in a way that felt natural and comfortable. Each step was well placed and perfectly executed with little thought.

The music changed to something slower and softer. The two stopped for a moment, mid-step, uncertain of what to do. Logically, the music suggested moving in closer, dancing a little more intimately, but both were reluctant to for separate reasons. Hokuto very much wanted to hold the blond closer, and that was the problem in and of itself. Shizuki didn't want to fall any further into the emotional turmoil that ensued whenever the doctor touched him. Hokuto glanced about the dance floor as if hoping to find an answer. To his horror, he did. He caught sight of Reiko, his cousin, making her way towards him through the other dancing couples.

"Fuck," He hissed before slipping both arms around Shizuki's waist and pulling him in tight against his body.

Shizuki nearly stumbled at the sudden jerk forward. He gasped when his body collided with the doctor's. "Umeda, what the hell?" the blond growled, struggling to push away. He looked like a cat that had hit water and was trying unsuccessfully to jump back.

"Just dance with me, please! Reiko's coming this way! Don't let her get me!" Hokuto whispered desperately.

For a second, all Shizuki could do was stare at the doctor like he'd lost his mind. Then he started to laugh at the look of dread on the gay man's face. Apparently, the prospect of dealing with an amorous female was to frightening for Hokuto. "Ok, ok," the blond placated. "I'm not sure where to put my hands though."

"On my shoulders, dummy," Hokuto chuckled at his discomfort.

Shizuki gave him an irritated look. "I'm used to dancing with girls this way and usually with my hands on their hips. You better appreciate what I'm doing for you. I could leave you to her, you know."

"Alright! I'm sorry," the doctor surrendered, looking up frantically. "Quick, she's coming!"

Shizuki shook his head before placing his hands on the doctor's shoulders. They had barely begun to dance again when the blond felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Excuse me," a soft, but determined female voice spoke up behind him.

He turned his head to get his first real look at the cousin he'd heard so much about. Damn, she really is homely looking, he couldn't help thinking. He felt a little terrible for it. She was also somewhat on the heavy side. "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering if I could cut in. I'd like to catch up with my cousin," She smiled sweetly, and then wiggled her fingers demurely at the doctor. "Hi, Hokuto-kun. It's been a very long time. I missed seeing you the last few years. Will you dance with me?"

"Hi, Reiko-chan," Hokuto smiled, mostly showing teeth. "Maybe later, ok. I'm dancing with my boyfriend." His hands tightened on Shizuki's waist, silently begging the blond for help.

Reiko's face darkened threateningly. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind me stealing you for a few minutes."

"Actually, Reiko-can, I would. I don't get to dance with him very much. I'm sorry I'm being selfish, but I'd really like to dance with him a little longer," Shizuki smiled sheepishly. He emphasized his point by wrapping his arms around the doctor's neck and pressing himself closer to Hokuto. He tried not to notice how perfectly their bodies fit together, or how warm the doctor was against him.

Reiko scowled. "Fine. But I want to talk to you later, Hokuto."

"If I can," the doctor replied evasively. He turned his attention exclusively to Shizuki and effectively dismissed her.

She glared a moment longer before stomping away.

"I almost feel bad about that," Shizuki muttered with a guilty look. He starting to slid his arms off of Hokuto's neck.

The doctor reached up to stop him. "Uh uh. No getting away. You put them there. They have to stay there now. We have to be convincing, don't we?" The doctor smirked mischievously at the blond.

"Bastard," Shizuki whispered, narrowing his eyes in annoyance. He didn't try to get away though.

Hokuto deliberately slid his hands closer to cupping the blonds' ass with a naughty grin.

"You're pushing it," the blond growled in warning. "I'll go get her if you want."

The doctor grinned before backing off a bit. "Sorry, sorry."

"Right," Shizuki rolled his eyes.

They danced in silence for a while. Their bodies moved smoothly together. They were pressed close, melding perfectly into the other's body. Neither one dared mention how good it felt to be wrapped so intimately around each other. It felt to good. It felt right. They were almost even in height. This put their faces at eye level with each other with only inches between them. Their hips swayed and flexed in harmony, rubbing gently against one another. Both pretended to ignore the lust and something much more potent beginning to crackle in the air between them. Hokuto's warm breaths washed over Shizuki's neck, making him shiver and swallow roughly. It felt like his stomach was tying itself in knots. He hated how the doctor's body seemed to be weaving a spell around his senses. He felt like he was being trapped into these feelings that he didn't want. What scared him most of all was the more Hokuto touched him the more willing he was becoming at being trapped.

Finally, the song ended.

"You want to get a drink?" Hokuto asked, after he cleared his throat.

"Yes," Shizuki agreed quickly. He immediately dropped his arms and stepped away. He was relieved to be given an excuse to put some much needed space between them. He was also annoyed to find that he was sad to do so. He bit his lip as he tried to force the confusing thoughts and feelings away. Hokuto grabbed his hand and led him off the floor. Shizuki tried to pull out of grip.

"What are you doing?" he murmured in exasperation.

"We're supposed to be together," Hokuto reminded him quietly.

Shizuki groaned. "Ugh, how did I get myself into this?"

The doctor glanced back. "If you hate it so much why don't you ditch me? There are plenty of pretty girls to dance with here."

"I already danced with Rio," Shizuki chuckled. "She's about the only pretty girl here under 35."

Hokuto laughed softly. "True."

They began to pass through the doorway into the hallway to get to the room that held the refreshments. Shizuki lurched forward when someone bumped into him. He put his hand on Umeda's back to steady himself without thinking about it. Hokuto turned to help him and froze. Io was standing behind Shizuki smiling evilly.

"Sorry, Shizuki-kun, I wasn't watching where I was going," Io said as her smile widened.

Hokuto had a bad feeling that something was about to happen. He wasn't wrong.

"Oh, Hokuto dear, you two are standing under the mistletoe," Mrs. Umeda said with delight from the other side of the door way.

Both men looked up in horror. The offending little sprig of mistletoe was hung innocently above them. "Fuck," both muttered under their breath. When the hell had that been put up? Hokuto should have known something was up. Rio had been a little to insistent on them dancing. She must have had a hand in this devious plot. He glared between his mother and Io with equal parts anger and disbelief.

"You have to kiss now," Io looked positively gleeful. "And no pecks on the cheek."

Shizuki looked ready to bolt, but there was nowhere to run. Io was blocking them in one side. Mrs. Umeda was on the other. He couldn't push one of them out of the way. He was to gentlemanly for that. Beside him, Hokuto was beginning to look slightly panicked as well.

"C'mon, Io, great prank. But we aren't kissing." Hokuto growled.

"Why?" She asked frankly. She folded her arms over her chest and quirked an eyebrow at her brother.

Minami and Rio suddenly appeared beside Io. "Oh look mistletoe! Awww, are you two gonna kiss?" Rio asked eagerly. She smiled at her brother a little to sweetly. She shot Minami a victorious look.

Hokuto felt trapped. He wasn't going to get out of this. The only reason he didn't want to kiss Shizuki was because he didn't want to broadcast how he felt about the blond to the rest of his family. Especially when he hadn't even admitted the truth about how he felt to the man in question. He glanced over to see Shizuki staring at him pleadingly. Get us out of this! Shizuki's eyes seemed to be begging. There was no way out of it though.

"Let's just get this over with," Hokuto murmured to him.

"Hokuto, don't-!" Shizuki put his hands up as if to ward him off.

To late.

Hokuto was already kissing him. For a moment, it seemed like it would stay chaste and swift. But Hokuto couldn't help himself. Just a taste of Shizuki wasn't enough. God, he wanted all of him. He groaned softly as he reached up to bury his fingers in the blond's silky hair. Shizuki felt and tasted so damn good. Lust built like a firestorm in seconds. He pulled the blond's head back and slanted his mouth hungrily. He wanted so much more. Shizuki whimpered pathetically against the doctor's mouth as his hands clenched into Hokuto's shirt. The kiss seemed to go on for a long time, but for Hokuto it wasn't long enough. For just a moment, before it ended, the doctor could have sworn that the blond started to kiss back. They pulled apart slowly. Both were in a bit of a daze. They stared at each other in shock. That was probably the most intense kiss they'd shared so far.

A wolf whistle had Shizuki jumping back as reality set back in.

"I told you!" Rio was crowing in triumph as she shook Minami's arm in excitement.

"No way," the older boy was shaking his head in disbelief.

Io whistled again. "That was so hot, you two!"

"You both looked beautiful together," Mrs. Umeda clasped her hands together as she smiled brightly.

Shizuki looked like he was about to be sick. "I need some air!" He gasped before darting around Hokuto and practically running away down the hall.

The doctor growled in frustration before dragging a hand down his face. "Thanks," he snapped in aggravation.

"What?" They all looked innocent.

Hokuto shook his head. "I need a drink."

"I needed a camera!" Io said sadly. "That was priceless!"

"Don't worry, sis. I got a picture of it!" Rio grinned, holding up her phone.

"Ah! Send it to me!" Io exclaimed.

Hokuto glared at them hatefully before storming away. This was exactly what he'd been hoping wouldn't happen. His family was so fucking annoying. Why did they always have to stick their noses into his personal life? Why couldn't he come over just once without having to worry about being embarrassed? Even worse, they had done this at a party with the entire Umeda family present. How cruel could they get? He only hoped Shizuki would let him apologize after this stunt his family had pulled.

He stomped up to the refreshment table. He barely looked at his father, who was eyeing him curiously. He snatched up two shot glasses before grabbing the entire bottle of whiskey out of his father's hand. He stormed back out and down the hall in the direction the blond had disappeared.

 

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	8. I've Waited So Long, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear I won't tease you  
> Won't tell you no lies  
> I don't need no bible  
> Just look in my eyes  
> I've waited so long baby  
> Now that we're friends  
> Every man's got his patience  
> And here's where mine ends
> 
> -I Want to Have Sex By: George Michaels

Chapter Eight

Umeda plopped down out on the back porch next to Shizuki. He was careful not to slosh any of his drink as he settled himself. He had taken the time during his search of the wayward blond to stop and pour himself a shot to calm down. The one he was holding was his second. He handed another glass of whiskey over to the blond, who accepted it gratefully.

"Why're you out here?" Hokuto asked.

"I needed some air, remember?" Shizuki replied evenly after swallowing down the shot of whiskey.

Hokuto smirked. "You don't seem as upset as I thought you'd be."

"I had a few minutes to calm down about it. They weren't trying to be mean. It was rather harmless," the blond remarked.

"True. They were just being conniving over-romantic women." Hokuto said. "I just didn't think you'd see it that way so quickly."

"There's no point staying angry about it. I'm not usually so uptight," Shizuki sighed.

The doctor frowned. "So you're saying I bring out the worst in you?"

The blond smiled slightly. "Somewhat. I'd say it's more like you bring out the strongest emotions in me."

"That's not really a bad thing." Hokuto pointed out as he re-filled the blond's glass.

Shizuki didn't answer. The doctor knew he was right. The blond was just scared to find that what he'd said was true. He was also frightened by how strongly Hokuto did make him feel about anything when he was nearby. He decided it would be safer to change subjects. "It was getting to be a little depressing watching your family. I was starting to miss mine. This is the first Christmas I haven't been home. I miss them," Shizuki admitted softly, looking down at his hands. That and he needed a break from Umeda's family, especially after the whole mistletoe incident. He understood now why Umeda called his family weird. They really were quite an unusual bunch of people.

Hokuto smiled kindly. "I know. I've been there before too. It's tough. I'm sure they miss you too, but they'd probably want you to still be happy and have a good time."

"Yeah, I am. Really. I appreciate you inviting me here," Shizuki returned the smile.

"I'm glad you came. I wasn't sure you'd agree to come. So what do you think of my family so far?" Umeda asked with a smirk. He must have figured out the other reason Shizuki had escaped. "You can be completely honest too."

The blond glanced over. "I can definitely see where you got your weirder qualities from."

"That's rather insulting." The doctor looked offended for a second.

"Are you parents always that-?"

"Disgusting?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that…"

"Yeah, they are always that creepy. Don't blame you for wanting to escape for a little while."

Shizuki rolled his eyes. "Well, I didn't get to hide for very long."

"I had to make some excuse to make my own escape. Besides you looked like you could use a drink." Umeda reached in his suit jacket and pulled something out. He turned it towards Shizuki, who couldn't help but laugh. "And I brought the bottle to keep us company." He thunked the bottle of whiskey down on the porch.

"You didn't need to bring the whole bottle."

"Oh yes, I did. You may be a light weight, but it takes quite a bit to even get me buzzing," Umeda teased the blond.

Shizuki glared at him, before knocking back his drink and reaching for the bottle. "I'll show you who's a light weight."

"What happened to being vigilant around me?" the doctor grinned, grabbing the bottle and holding it out of reach.

"It's Christmas. I think I'm entitled to getting drunk with a friend," Shizuki grouched. His eyes widened comically when he realized what he'd confessed.

Umeda smiled softly. "Glad I'm considered a friend now."

"Despite all the harassment."

"Or because of it?"

"Just give me the damn bottle!" Shizuki snapped as he snatched it away from the doctor.

"You know, it's funny. When you're not harassing me I don't mind being around you." Shizuki said, words slightly slurred from alcohol. God, he really was a light weight. "I mean you're smart, funny, and interesting. I really like you when you're that way. Not teasing and being mean."

Umeda blinked at him in surprise. "You like me?"

"Not like that!" Shizuki protested, but it sounded rather weak to both their ears. "As a person, in general. I like you."

Umeda murmured. "I get it." Me thinks he protests to much. "So you're idea of harassing is when I tease you?"

"Well, yeah."

"What about when I kiss you? I thought you didn't like it," Umeda smiled slyly.

Shizuki paused, momentarily confused and unsure. "Well, I…never said I didn't like it. Not really."

That was entirely true. Umeda had just taken all his protest to heart. He was very glad to hear that Shizuki actually liked his kisses.

"Why do you like me…you know 'like that'?" Shizuki asked suddenly.

"You're beautiful," Umeda answered bluntly. What else? "You're passionate. I like that the most. And you're smart and weird. "

"And you like that?"

Umeda laughed softly. "Yeah. I do. A lot."

"Weird."

"Do you mind if I hold you?" Umeda asked, trying to act nonchalant to hide his nervousness at being turned down.

Shizuki was quiet for a moment. He knew he should refuse. Honestly though he couldn't think of a really good reason as to why. And it wasn't harassment if he said it was ok. He really did like Umeda. He glanced over at Umeda. "No, I don't mind," he finally answered. What the hell? Why not? It was Christmas after all.

Umeda refilled Shizuki's glass before getting up and sitting down behind Shizuki. He slid forward until his legs were on either side of the blond. He wrapped his arms around Shizuki and pulled him back against his chest. "To be honest, I was a little nervous about you meeting my family." The doctor confessed, after he got settled.

The blond looked a little surprised. "Nervous? Why?" He tried to ignore how comfortable he felt in Umeda's arms.

"Well, my family is…weird. They kinda startle most people. And they can be embarrassing," Hokuto pointed out with a grin.

"You're weird," Shizuki laughed. "They are a little embarrassing. They can't seem to let go of the idea that you and I are together."

Hokuto sighed and shook his head. "My mother really does want me to find someone to love and settle down with for the rest of my life. She's a hopeless romantic. My father just wants me to stop screwing every guy in sight (that's how he sees my behavior). I guess, they both were hoping I'd finally gotten a steady boyfriend."

"Kinda feel bad to disappoint them," Shizuki chuckled in bemusement. He could tell the alcohol was really starting to affect him. Why should he care if he disappointed Umeda's family?

"Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever find someone like they want. I seem to keep going after the wrong kind of guy. I don't know why," Umeda whispered, sounding very sad. "Sometimes, I wonder if I'm just unlovable. Maybe all I'm really good for is a lay."

The blond tried to sallow down the lump in his throat that had sudden risen there. His heart ached for the man now holding him. He knew exactly what the other man was talking about. When his fiancé had cheated on him, he was sure it was because he was somehow lacking. What was he missing that she couldn't find in him? More vexing had been why hadn't he felt complete with her? As much as he loved her, there was still something missing in his heart when he held her. He looked down at the arms around him and wondered why he felt more comfortable in this embrace than any other he'd ever been in before. What was is about this man that drew him in, shook him up, and scared him so much?

He reached for the shot of whiskey at his side.

"You should slow down with that stuff," Hokuto advised.

"I said I wanted to get drunk with a friend, didn't I?" Shizuki reminded him before knocking back the shot.

Hokuto nodded. "Yeah," he agreed and reached for his own glass. He swallowed it in one gulp before setting it back down.

"I don't think you're unlovable," Shizuki murmured, as the warm glow of alcohol seeped further into his system.

"Really?"

"Really."

Shizuki looked down at the arms around his waist again. In the back of his mind, Shizuki knew this was risky. If he wasn't drunk he would have run at this kind of close intimacy between the two of them. Instead, his brain's inhibitions seemed to have been numbed into silence. The pleasure part of his brain was taking in the chance to learn everything it could about Umeda that he would not otherwise let it. He leaned back into the warm heat of Umeda's chest. His body soaked in the warmth and memorized the feel of the curves pressed against his back, even the hard press of an erection. That, at least, should have been enough to jolt him away, but he just tipped his head back until it rested easily on the doctor's shoulder. He sighed as Umeda's arms curled tighter around his waist. He felt safe and warm, sitting here in the doctor's embrace.

For a long time, they just sat that way together. They talked on an off for quite a while. Eventually though their interest in talking died out. The drinks continued intermittently until even Umeda could be classified as drunk. Yet, they stayed sitting together like that with Umeda's legs open and bracketing Shizuki's waist and legs. They were back to chest, without a breath of space in between them. Umeda's arms were wrapped around the blond's trim hips. Shizuki's eyes drooped as the alcohol, and intoxicating heat of the doctor holding him, seeped into his system. Above them, the moon rose higher into the sky. It had to be very late by now. Neither one really cared.

Slowly, Umeda's hands began to move. Shizuki didn't even stir as those hands began to caress and explore the curves of his hips, the dip of his navel hidden under his button down shirt, the expanse of his chest, and all the way up to the hollow of his throat. He hummed in the back of his throat as those fingers tipped his head to the side exposing his neck. Somewhere in the back of his mind, his brain was telling him he should get the hell away before something happened. It was to reminiscent of deeper, hidden memories that he was constantly battling to bury. His body ignored the warning. His body craved this kind of contact. It had been months since anyone had touched him like this; and it was usually him doing this to someone else. It was the first time he got to feel what it was like to be on the receiving end of this kind of sweet attention.

He felt the warm wash of breath across his cheek and neck as Umeda's mouth lowered to nuzzle the column of his throat, from jaw to shoulder. Nuzzling turned to open mouthed kisses, that made tingles dance down his spin to pool in a ball of need in the base of his cock. Butterflies erupted in his stomach as teeth joined in with tongue to tease at his skin. He ignored the trembling of his body, focusing only on the feel of Umeda's mouth on him. He mentally shoved aside any lingering protests from his addled mind. All he cared about anymore was the growing ache of want and desire beginning to tent the front of his trousers. Umeda's questing mouth reached his jaw, lingering there in an unspoken question. Shizuki didn't even hesitate. He turned his head, bumping his nose gently against the older man's cheek, begging for the kiss he knew was being offered.

Umeda sighed in happy surprise as their lips met for the first time in mutual want. His eyes fluttered shut as Shizuki's fingers tangled in his hair, tugging gently at his sensitized scalp. He moaned when the blond's tongue sought and gained entrance into his mouth. Another first. He was more than willing to give control of the kiss over to the blond. It was the first time Shizuki had really returned his kiss. It had been worth the wait though. The feel of his tongue stroking over his, the taste of him, and the expert press of his lips had Umeda's body trembling with barely controlled need. The boy doctor could fucking kiss. The unexpected delightful surprise was turning the rest of Umeda's control to mush.

Shizuki moaned quietly as strong, calloused fingers unbuttoned his shirt and slipped inside it to dance over his bare chest. Umeda's hands slipped over every inch of skin he could reach. The jump and twitch of the blond's muscles only spurred him on. Shizuki was almost feverish feeling with the burn of desire and alcohol flooding through his body. His blood thrummed through his veins in a thunderous rush that Umeda could feel even through the heat of his skin. His arm curled around Shizuki's waist once more to tug him back against the hard ridge of his cock. The blond's back fit so perfectly into the curves of his chest. It feels so right like this, Umeda thought as he ground himself into the cleft of Shizuki's backside.

Umeda's free hand slipped lower, skipping over the belt holding Shizuki's pants up. He wormed his way beneath the folds of fabric, finding the boxers that couldn't hide the evidence of the blond's arousal any longer. His fingers flitted over the length of Shizuki's hard cock, pausing at the spot of moisture that was dampening the boxers. Shizuki whimpered softly and arched his back just a little in the wake of that brief touch. Their lips parted as Umeda unbuttoned and un-vipped the blond's pants and pushed them out of the way, exposing the front of the blond's boxers and straining dick. Umeda licked his lips as he took in the size, molten lust surging through his veins. Oh God, how he longed to feel the weight of it in his hands and in his mouth, to press himself down onto it–letting it cleave him open. His breath rasped in his throat as his mouth went dry.

Shizuki didn't really care anymore about how this was all wrong. That first touch on his cock had sent his aching need skyrocketing. He nipped the edge of Umeda's jaw when the doctor went still. He didn't notice Umeda staring over his shoulder, down at the outline of his cock pressed against the confines of his boxers. Umeda's eyes flicked to his, dark and mercurial with the depth of his desire. Shizuki wrapped his hand around the wrist of the hand still hovering above his erection. He drew Umeda's hand down, nudging the boxers down and freeing his cock. He pressed the doctor's hand to his now twitching cock, wrapping both their hands around its hardened, smooth length. Both of them groaned at the intimate touch. With intertwined fingers, they began to stroke in long, firm motions. Shizuki's head tipped back further as his body became lost in sensation. Pleasure raced through him in an electric buzz, sparking across every nerve, and making his hips tremble.

Umeda's heart seemed to have leapt up into his throat as he began to pleasure Shizuki. Unconsciously, his hips had begun to thrust against the cleft of the blond's ass, seeking relief from the unbearable need for release. His mouth found Shizuki's throat once more, biting and sucking as their fingers began to move faster. His eyes took in every detail of the breathtaking sight of their combined efforts to bring the owner of that cock blissful release. Shizuki's tip was leaking copious amounts of pre-cum, slicking their fingers and easing the glide of their motions. The wet, sexy sound of their strokes drove both of them even further into the desperate efforts of release.

Shizuki cursed thickly, as Umeda's other hand reached down to tickle over his taint. His whole body was singing with pleasure, even enjoying the perverse thrust of the dick against his backside. His whole body jerked like it had been shocked when Umeda pressed two fingers against him just beneath his balls. He knew what the doctor was doing. He'd only done that to himself a few times, but he remembered how amazingly wonderful that had felt. The sensation was stronger this time, making his body shake and more pre-cum drool from his cock. He was so close to losing it. His hips began to jitter as those fingers continued to rub and press that spot while their hands continued to work together. Umeda's thumb rubbed firm over the head of his dick, tickling the slit. Shizuki's need and desire teetered on the brink of completion. One more rough stroke and he lost it. He jerked then arched his back as cum spurted up his chest, over their fingers, and on the edges of his pants. He rode the high of his climax with sharp cry, prolonged by Umeda's expert fingers.

Behind him, Umeda drank in the intoxicating sight of the blond's release. His dick ground harder against Shizuki's ass once more before he came just as hard. His hips stuttered against Shizuki's as bit down hard on the blond's shoulder. Their orgasms seemed to last forever, but were really only heartbeats of a moment. In the wake of release they were left trembling and breathless–surprised at what had just happened.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Shizuki whispered, before jumping up and bolting.

/

"Fuck," Shizuki whispered, knuckles turning white from the grip he held on the sink's edge. It had happened again- despite his mind screaming at him to stop. He had let it happen. He couldn't stop it, because he knew deep down he'd wanted it badly. He swallowed down the bile in his throat. It wasn't the act itself or Umeda that made him sick. It was the memories that were threatening to surface. It was the shame he felt for having let someone do that to him again. It felt like the past was repeating itself, but this time he should have been able to prevent it. He was angry at himself, because he was a coward. He knew the real reason he behaved the way he did. He knew why he shunned Umeda so fiercely, but he refused to face those reasons. He refused to admit the truth to himself after all these years of trying to run from it.

He was a coward.

"Shizuki," the sound of Umeda's voice made him flinch. The doctor knocked on the door before slowly pushing it open.

He turned his face away when the doctor appeared in the bathroom doorway. The sick feeling welled up inside him again.

"I'm sorry," the doctor's voice drifted to him from the distance between them.

Shizuki shook his head. "Please, don't..."

Umeda swallowed hard. He hated himself at that moment. He had pushed to far. He had taken advantage of Shizuki's vulnerability. He had let the mood and the desire get the better of him. But he could have sworn for those few minutes that Shizuki truly wanted him. He had let the alcohol impair his judgement. He had hurt the man he had fallen so inescapably in love with unintentionally. He stared at the forlorn figure of the beautiful man in front of him and wished he could erase what had just happened between them. It was his fault.

"I shouldn't have...," Umeda started to say. "I just...wanted to touch you."

Shizuki's hands gripped twitched on the sink. Please, just shuttup, he wanted to say. It wasn't you. He hunched forward a little further. He hated himself, because he couldn't get the words past his lips. He couldn't admit to anyone the secret that he'd hidden for so long.

"I'm sorry," Umeda said again, not knowing what else to say.

"Stop," Shizuki spat out.

The doctor startled at the bitter anger he heard in the blond's voice. Did Shizuki really hate him that much? Had he ruined everything so thoroughly?

"Why?" the blond glanced his way for only a second. Was he to angry to look at him? Or scared? Umeda couldn't tell. He knew what Shizuki was asking though. It was the why to everything he had done? The why to answer the reason Umeda could not stay away from the blond? The why that scared them both.

Umeda decided Shizuki deserved an honest answer. He clung to his failing courage. Blurting it out before he could rethink or stop the words from escaping. The blond looked up, meeting his eyes, as if he knew what was about to be said was of the greatest importance. "Because I love you."

Blue eyes widened in shock. Umeda had really said it. He let go of the sink and stumbled back against the shower door. He didn't know what to feel or think. His heart was beating so hard his chest hurt. Umeda stepped into the bathroom, but Shizuki pressed back harder against the shower door like he wanted to melt through it. The doctor stopped at once. The two stared at each other. The few feet between them felt like a chasm. Fear, confusion, and shame shone bright in Shizuki's eyes. Umeda felt nausea roil in his stomach. He had put himself out there and he was being rejected again. His heart ached terribly.

Shizuki didn't know what to do. He was scared of his own reaction to those words. He was scared of the utter honesty Umeda had displayed in admitting that damning phrase. He was confused, because what he wanted was not what he should. He was ashamed of his own behavior. He was angry at his own cowardly nature. He was a fool. He needed to get away. He couldn't take the look in Umeda's eyes. He'd seen it before. He knew it all to well. He'd been the recipient of those same emotions before. He hated himself for causing it.

Neither of them seemed to be able to move.

"Hokuto!"

Umeda jerked around to face down the hall. "Yeah?" he managed to croak out the question.

"Your cousins are leaving! Come say good-bye!"

The doctor glanced back at the blond, but that blue eyed gaze refused to meet his own. "I'm coming!" he called. He was grateful for the excuse to leave. He didn't think he could stand there and stare at the rejection facing him any longer. He forced himself to pretend like his heart hadn't just been stomped on for a second time by yet another straight guy. He turned and walked out of the bathroom, forcing himself to walk tall.

Shizuki watched him leave. The doctor's normally graceful steps stiff with wounded pride and a wounded heart. The blond felt like he was choking on the overwhelming surge of emotions trying to crush him. He had to get out of there. He couldn't look at Umeda again. He didn't want to see him after this. The shame and guilt–he couldn't take it. He hated himself even more for what he was about to do. But he couldn't help it. He couldn't stop himself.

He ran.

/

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	9. A Voice Said RUN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its never hard to tell when things are done  
> She looked into my eyes and a voice said RUN
> 
> -Red Flags and Long Nights By: She Wants Revenge

Chapter Nine

God, he had to leave. He needed to get far away. What the hell had happened? What had he been thinking? His mind and his body had betrayed him so thoroughly that it frightened him. He was not gay. He had slept with women ever since he passed out of puberty. Men had never turned him on. Never. Or so he'd always tried to make himself believe. Despite, past experiences though (which he was trying so hard to ignore) no man had ever turned him quite like that.

Except for him. Fucking Umeda!

One kiss and his world had begun to spin off its axis. Ever since then everything just kept escalating out of control. Whether he wanted to or not he'd begun sliding down an increasingly steep, dangerous slope. His body had been the first to give in. Now his emotions were following. His mind was in turmoil. He felt so lost. How had this happened to him? How had his life gotten so screwed up? It all came back to him!

Fucking Umeda!

Why did that bastard have to confess to him? What had he done that had made the doctor fall in love with him? He buried his fingers in his hair and groaned in frustration. Maybe it had just been the alcohol that had betrayed him. Although, he knew it was a poor excuse to sooth his bruised pride and mangled feelings. Alcohol made your inhibitions go away. It didn't alter your entire personality. So what had happened had been because he had wanted it. He had helped to instigate it. He had wanted it so badly somewhere in the depths of his deeply denial riddled brain. He'd craved it. And it had been so good. So amazing. So beyond anything any woman had ever made him feel. That was what frightened him the most. It had only been a hand job- and just that had totally undone him. It had laid the plain truth in his lap in a flaunting taunt. He could no longer turn a blind eye to it. Then Umeda just had to confess to him like that.

That was why he had to leave. He had to get as far away from Umeda as possible. He would not let himself give into that shameful desire ever again. He refused to let his body betray him. He refused to allow these needs, desires, and emotions to rule him. He was not a homo! He did not enjoy sexual pleasure more with Umeda than any woman he'd ever been with…

And he was most certainly not in-!

He stopped that thought before he could finish it and mentally choked the life out of it. He gritted his teeth as the thought remained suspended in his mind. It refusing to be ignored or dismissed. But he would not finish it. Not if it killed him!

He walked faster, knowing his feet could not out race his thoughts, but trying all the same. He would leave as soon as he could get a plane ticket. He could not stay in Japan any longer. He needed to be far away. California seemed just far enough to keep Umeda away from him. Or was it him away from Umeda? He gritted his teeth harder in anger.

He stomped up the stairs to his apartment. He dug out his keys, flung the door open, and then slammed it shut. He gave no regard to his neighbors at all. Behind him the telephone began to ring loudly. He groaned in frustration. He just knew it was going to be his parents or a friend wanting to wish him a Merry Christmas. He was not in the mood to hear it. He wanted to sulk in self-pity in peace. Still, he had been taught better than to ignore family when he knew they would be calling. He sighed as he picked up the phone without bothering to check the caller I.D.

"Hello?" he answered in English.

"Shizu?"

Shizuki's heart froze in his chest in horror. "Alisha?" It was his ex-fiancé.

"Oh thank God. I was afraid you wouldn't answer," she said, relief evident in her voice.

The blond cringed. He wouldn't have answered if he'd known it was her. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to her after just having a guy confess he loved him. It only made it all worse to have the woman he had thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with calling him on Christmas. "Yeah, um…" He didn't know what to say. He had no desire to talk to her at all.

"Merry Christmas, Shizu," Alisha told him softly.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Alisha," he replied somewhat dully.

She was quiet for a moment. "Are you ok?"

"To be honest, no. I'm not, but it's none of your concern," Shizuki answered a bit curtly.

"Ok, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you, Shizuki. I've just been…thinking a lot about you lately." She sighed heavily. "I know you probably want to be left alone."

Yeah, I do, Shizuki thought cruelly.

"But I just…I had to say—I miss you." She finished in an almost inaudible whisper.

"Alisha, I really-," He started.

"Please, please don't say anything, Shizuki. Just let me say this. I'm so sorry I cheated on you. I just got freaked out. We were a month away from getting married. You were so excited and I got cold feet. I was worried you just didn't really love me, but that you loved the idea of being married," Alisha blurted out desperately. To Shizuki's surprise as soon as she said that he realized that she'd been right. The idea of marriage was what he'd loved. God, he was such a horrible person. He tried to pay attention as she continued to talk. "I know I should have said something to you about it, Shizuki. I didn't know how without hurting you. Then I met that guy and things just happened…but it was stupid. It was just a fling. I really do love you, Shizuki! So I was hoping, you know, when you come back to the states…that we could maybe give 'us' another shot."

Shizuki didn't know if his emotions could take anymore of the wringer they were being pulled through. He didn't want to deal with this right now. He just needed to be left alone. His brain could not process what was happening anymore. Why did she have to call him now? "Alisha, I can't deal with right now. I just had a bad…experience. I need some time to think. I'm coming back to the states in a few days. Can I talk to you about this then? Please?"

"Uh, yeah ok. I—well, then take care. I'll talk to you when you come home," she said, disappointment and upset evident in her voice. He felt horrible that he really didn't care if he'd hurt her feelings.

"Yeah, later," he hung up abruptly.

He flung the phone somewhere near it's cradle before heading towards the bedroom. He stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed to lay face down. He pulled the covers up. The apartment was dark and silent. It was such a huge contrast to the Umedas' house where he'd been. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself not to think. Eventually, he drifted off into a fitful sleep filled with hazy pleasure and a man with amber eyes.

 

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The next few days were spent getting his affairs in order so he could go back to California. He left his apartment as little as possible. The head doctor at the hospital was sad to hear he was leaving so suddenly. He refused to terminate Shizuki's internship. He promised to leave it open for a month, just in case Shizuki decided to change his mind and come back. The blond was oddly touched by this gesture. He was happy he'd made such good friends while here. A few times, he nearly talked himself out of leaving. Then he'd remember why he was leaving and start packing in earnest again.

He'd gotten lucky with the airlines. He was able to find a fairly decent fare for a one way ticket back to California. It left the following morning. He'd already called ahead to tell his family he was coming back. His father had been rather surprised by the news, but hadn't pressed him for any reasons as to why he was coming back early. Shizuki knew his father would wait for the right moment to initiate that talk. He was dreading that.

He froze like a rabbit caught out in the open when someone started knocking on his door. He briefly contemplated ignoring it. He sighed as again his good manners got the better of him. He did peek out the peep hole to see who it was first though. He sighed in relief when he saw who it was. He swung the door open slowly.

"Hello, Ahika-san," he greeted the other blond.

Akiha smiled lightly. "Hello, Shizuki-kun."

"Come in," Shizuki smiled back as he stepped aside to let the other man in.

The photographer walked in and sat down on the couch.

"Would you like some tea?" Shizuki asked.

"No, that's alright. I just wanted to talk," Akiha replied.

Shizuki sat down on the couch slowly. He felt a little nervous as he looked over at the photographer. "About what?"

"Well, first I wanted to apologize about over reacting to what happened in Umeda's office," the photographer began. "I've had a big thing for Umeda for such a long time that it really hurt my feelings to see him pick someone else over me again."

The blond looked down at his hands and felt his stomach flutter anxiously. He really didn't want to talk about this with Akiha. Why'd it seem like everyone was unwittingly pushing the issue of Umeda in his face? "It's ok."

"No, it wasn't. I acted really childish. So I'm sorry. I still consider you a very good friend, which is leads me to the next part. If you really like Umeda-sempai then I'll accept that. I just want to see him be happy. I will fully support you two if it's serious," Akiha went on.

Shizuki swallowed roughly. "Akiha," he interrupted the other man. "It's not like that. In fact, I'm leaving to go back home."

"Why?" the photographer asked bluntly.

"It's where I belong. I should have gone back as soon as I found out Mizuki was leaving. Things just haven't worked out since I've been here. I had a great time hanging out with you. I really appreciate everything you did for me, Akiha. I consider you a good friend too," the blond told Akiha.

The photographer eyed him suspiciously. "There's another reason you're leaving, isn't there? Does it have to do with Umeda-sempai?"

Shizuki sighed heavily. "Yes, there is and yeah it does. But that's between him and me. I really don't want to talk about it, Akiha."

"Are you leaving permanently?"

"Yeah," Shizuki twiddled his fingers as he answered.

Akiha's expression darkened even further. "When are you leaving?"

"I have a plane to catch in the morning."

"It's not really my place to say what you should or shouldn't do, but I think this is a mistake. I think you need to rethink your decision," the photographer told him solemnly. "However, if you feel like you need to go then I won't say anything else. I do want you to know that you are always welcome to visit me anytime you're back in Japan. I wish you all the best."

"Thanks, Akiha," Shizuki said sincerely. He was glad the other blond wasn't going to pry into the matter. He felt relieved that he wouldn't have to try to explain things any further.

Akiha stood up and Shizuki followed him. "I'll go now. I can tell you're pretty busy getting ready to go."

Shizuki walked him back to the door. He opened it and let Akiha walk past him out into the hallway. The photographer turned back around before reaching out to shake his hand. "I hope I'll see you again, Shizuki-kun."

"Same, Akiha-san," the blond smiled as brightly as he could manage.

"One more thing," Akiha said seriously. "If you're running, because you're afraid I'll be really disappointed in you."

Shizuki looked away. "I know."

"I really hope you give this some more thought." The photographer remarked before walking away.

Shizuki sighed heavily before walking back inside and shutting the door. He didn't want or need to give the matter anymore thought. Tomorrow morning he was going to be on a plane to California.

 

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Shizuki was relieved to have made it to the airport with no problems. All his luggage had been tagged and sent on its way to the plane. He was checked into his airline. He had been afraid that Umeda was going to be at the airport when he got there. He was glad to find he'd been wrong. He felt a little of the tension unwind from his back and shoulders as he began to make his way towards the security inspection stations. He stopped on his way to buy a book to read from one of the vendors. Every motion seemed to be cementing the fact that he was leaving. He was both happy and horribly wretched on the inside at the thought. Part of him wanted to run to the security station as fast as possible to make it through before he changed his mind. The other part was telling him he was a sissy and needed to go back to apologize to Umeda. He paid for the book before stowing it in his carryon bag. He turned around then jerked to a halt.

His eyes went wide as he caught sight of Umeda standing only a few feet away glaring at him. "What are you doing here!"

"Akiha told me you were leaving to go back to California." The doctor remarked coldly. Anger burned behind the words. "Were you to ashamed to even talk to me again?"

Shizuki swallowed hard. He didn't know what to say. He hadn't been prepared for a confrontation with Umeda. He was sure the doctor wouldn't want to talk to him again either. He shook his head before shouldering by Umeda.

"Why are you leaving? What about your internship!" Umeda snapped, following beside Shizuki as the blond tried to escape. What about me?, he wanted to yell.

Shizuki snarled at him, hearing the unspoken question in the doctor's words. All of his anger, fear, and confusion suddenly exploded out of him. "I'm leaving because of you! I'm not gay! You keep trying to make me! I'm tired of being harassed! I'll finish my internship in America!"

"Harassed! You don't exactly fight me off!" Umeda shot back rudely.

Shizuki tried to keep his head down and ignore the curious looks thrown their way as they stormed through the airport. He tried to block out the whispers of 'gay lovers' quarrel' that he kept hearing. "I'm getting married! My fiancé wants me back and I'm going!" He lied outright. It was the only thing he could think to say to throw the other man off.

"She doesn't love you—!" Umeda choked on the rest of what he wanted to say. The unspoken 'like I do' hung heavy in the air between them.

"I love her!" Once it had been true. "We're going to be happy and have a family together! I'm gonna spend my life with the woman of my dreams! Not some manipulative fag who is only after my ass!"

Umeda felt like someone had slapped him hard across the face. "Is that what you think of me?"

"Yes, it is!" No, no it wasn't, but he'd never say that. He hated himself more in that moment than he ever had before in his life.

"Fine then. Fuck you! Go be happy with your cheating slut of a fiancé!" Umeda growled at him, low and dangerous. Fury surged through him, making him see red and his body shake with anger.

Shizuki stopped up short and swung about to face the furious doctor. "Don't you call her that!"

"You know what, I am a fag. I'm proud of it! At least I'm not delusional! I hope you two are happy! You deserve each other!" Umeda yelled at him.

"Fuck you!" Shizuki snapped, fiercely.

"You first, you bastard!" Umeda bit out between clenched teeth. He spun around and stormed away. He refused to let Shizuki see the tears that were welling at the corners of his eyes or let him know just how much he'd hurt him. Shizuki watched him go feeling like the most horrible person in the world, but he couldn't make himself go after him. Instead, he turned back around and walked towards security. An hour later, he was on a plane flying home to California. He refused to look out the window the whole flight.

/

Umeda wished he could call off again, but he couldn't. He'd called off for a week straight already. He had to be back at work. He just couldn't stand to be here at the high school. His emotional turmoil was making him physically sick to his stomach. He had no desire to treat annoying teenagers, who thought their lives were more terrible than his. He sighed heavily. It was his fault Shizuki had left Japan. He had pushed to hard. He had come on to strong. He'd let his desperation get the better of him. Years of chasing Ryoichi and unrequited love had left his ego tattered. He had thought maybe things would be different this time if he was honest and admitted how he felt. He should have known better. What had he really hoped would happen? That his failure with his previous attempt at winning over a straight guy would be different than with this one? Did he really have so little control over himself? Was he that desperate to be loved and wanted in return?

Or was he really that deeply, pathetically in love?

He took a deep, steadying breath. It didn't help quell the raging mass of butterflies in his stomach though. He dropped his head onto his desk with a thud. He felt foolish. More than that though he felt unwanted and incapable of being loved. Was he that horrible a person? Was he really that crazy? For once in his life why couldn't he just fall in love honestly and have those feelings returned?

"Maybe, I should just be a hetero and be done with it," he muttered darkly. "I could have had a house, a dog, and kids by now."

He felt more than sick to his stomach. He felt sick at heart by his own behavior. Maybe he was doomed to be a single guy forever with no relationships beyond who the next lay would be. The idea left him feeling more depressed than ever. He thought about going after Shizuki, but quickly dismissed it. It would do him no good to fly all the way to California just to get a door slammed in his face. He'd had enough of being rejected. He didn't feel like seeking out more of that kind of hurt. He wasn't that masochistic.

He remembered thinking love was like a car crash and that you never see it coming when he'd fallen in love with Ryoichi. This time around though he had seen it coming. Instead, of dodging the imminent wreckage he'd stood in the middle of the road and let it slam into him. He'd been in 'lust' before. He was no stranger to the feeling. He knew it quite well in fact. There had definitely been a strong case of that with Shizuki when things started between them. He'd wanted to kiss, touch, taste, and claim every inch of the other man's body. That feeling never lasted long with the guys Umeda normally lusted after though.

That was what made Shizuki special. The lust hadn't dissipated when Shizuki showed no signs of interest. Umeda tended to lose interest if the guy he was after showed in signs of giving in to him. Yet, his interest in Shizuki had only grown. It was more than lust. It was wanting to learn and untangle every facet of the man's personality. It was the urge to unlock all the secrets to the man's heart and soul. He'd only ever felt that way about Ryoichi before. He never wanted to learn more than a name when it came to his fuck buddies.

Umeda had known he was getting past the safe zone of what he was feeling for Shizuki. It was one thing to lust after the blond. It was an entirely different matter to want to know him like one would a boyfriend, or worse yet a life partner. His feelings had long ago pushed him out onto dangerous emotional ground. He'd known that was a very bad thing. It was the last thing he needed to be doing in fact. Still, it was one thing to tell himself that Shizuki was unobtainable. It was another to try to convince his heart. He had gambled with his heart only to lose epically. He'd know this would happen all along. He'd ignored the warning bells over and over. His heart had been shattered once more by an asshole who refused to admit he was anything other than straight. Man, could he pick them. He never wanted to fall in love again.

/

"Son, come sit with me," Shizuki's father called to the blond from the living room.

Shizuki's insides clenched with dread. He had known this talk was coming. He'd been trying his best to avoid it as long as possible. He knew in the end though that he couldn't escape it. He took a deep, shaky breath before walking in. He felt like he was marching to his death. He paused by the couch staring down at his father, who was watching him with worried eyes. He sat down like somebody had knocked his legs out from under him. Automatically images of knee weakening kisses flitted through his mind, but he crushed them down ruthlessly.

"What happened in Japan, Shizuki?" his dad cut straight to the point. That was his father. At least that part was nice. No dancing around with what he really wanted to say.

Shizuki fixed his eyes on the TV across from him. He couldn't lie if he was looking his father in the eye. "Nothing. I got homesick."

"No offense, son, but that's bullshit."

Shizuki looked over in shock. His dad never cussed.

Mr. Ashiya smiled knowingly. "You've been walking around in a funk since you got back. You look like you did before you left. Heartsick."

Shizuki flinched. "No!" he refused vehemently.

"Son, you're a terrible liar. I know this isn't because of your ex-fiancé. You said you were going to get back together with her, but you haven't spoken to her since the first time after you got home. You have us all worried." His father tried to coax him into talking gently.

Shizuki sometimes really hated how close his family was, because nothing ever stayed private for long. He had talked to Alisha, but it had been to tell her that there was no chance of them getting back together. That was why he hadn't talked to her since. Honestly, hearing her cry over the phone when he'd told her than had been very satisfying. He had decided to give his family the same lie as the one he'd given to Umeda, because he didn't know what else to say. He certainly wasn't about to tell the truth. He knew they were gonna catch on to his act soon though. Not talking to Alisha was a big clue that he had no intentions of being with her.

"Who is she?"

The question caught him by surprise. He'd been to lost in his own thoughts. He cringed and shot to his feet. "I don't want to talk about this!"

"Son ," his father's voice was stern. It stopped Shizuki in his tracks before he could even begin to escape. Mr. Ashiya was usually so carefree and happy. It was rare to hear that tone from him. "Tell me. Who is she? You fell in love again, didn't you?"

Shizuki felt sick inside. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes and his throat felt tight. "Yes," he nearly choked on the admission. He wanted to run from the pain of the memories. He hated his weaknesses, his cowardice, but most of all he hated his stupid fucking heart for having betrayed him so thoroughly.

"Who is she?" his father asked a third time. He was determined to find out. He wouldn't give up until he did.

Shizuki's shoulders slumped in defeat. He sat down slowly. "He." It came out whispered and fragile sounding. He risked a glance over at his father.

Mr. Ashiya's eyes had widened in astonishment. Any other time the expression would have made Shizuki laugh, but now he thought he could see horror in those eyes. Maybe disgust? Did his father hate him now? Was he disappointed with him? He wanted to slink out of there and go crawl in a dark corner to die.

"He?" his father almost choked on the word.

Shizuki made a little strangled sound of affirmation.

"I thought you were homophobic!" his father burst out.

"I was—am!" Shizuki half shouted, his emotions over-whelming him.

"Son, are you sure? I mean, love—with a man? Maybe you're just confused or over stressed," Mr. Ashiya tried to find some way that this could be explained away.

Shizuki laughed brokenly. "God, I wish I was. I really do. I don't wanna be in love—not with him. Shit!" he cursed, jumping up again and burying his fingers in his hair. "I'm not gay, dad! I'm not! I just "

His father watched him like he thought he might be losing his mind.

"I met this guy when I visited Mizuki at her school in Japan. He's the school doctor there. And he helped me see Mizuki's point of view about why she insisted on staying despite difficult circumstances. He was a bastard, but he was right. After giving me this advice, he kissed me for no other reason than to piss me off! And it did, but I couldn't forget it! When I interned in Japan we kept running into each other. Every time he saw me he harassed me. I ended up staying with his family over Christmas. He got drunk (he tried not to think about what happened now, but God, even now the memory was potent), and confessed he had fallen for me. I got scared and ran. He caught me at the airport, but we got into this huge fight. I came home to get away from him, because I don't wanna be near him," his voice cracked. He thought he might start sobbing. He was so scared of everything, but most of all of this. "I don't wanna love him."

Mr. Ashiya stared at his son's trembling frame, unable to wrap his mind around everything his son had just admitted. He had never seen his son so emotionally distraught even after the huge break up with Alisha. Being gay in America was not uncommon anymore, but few fathers ever wanted their sons to be one of them. Sons were supposed to carry on the family name. They were supposed to get married, have kids, and have a great career. They were supposed to make their fathers proud—not fall in love with other men and take it up the-. He hacked off that thought brutally.

"You're in love with Umeda-sensei?" Mizuki's equally stunned voice came from the doorway.

Shizuki spun around, face bright red with shame. "When did you get here?"

She walked further into the room, ignoring his question. "He's in love with Ryoichi."

"Was," Shizuki said, before he realized it.

Mizuki's eyes widened. "He gave up?"

"Yeah."

"Akiha-san said that would never happen. Wow." She looked amazed.

"Mizuki, who is this doctor?" Mr. Ashiya asked, thinking he'd get more informed answers from her rather than his emotionally distressed son at the moment.

Mizuki smiled in fond remembrance. "He's the school doctor like Shizuki said. He is openly gay, kind of a maniac sometimes, but he's really very kind. He looked out for me when he didn't have to. He was almost like another big brother. Hang on," she said, reaching for her photo album to Osaka High. She flipped through the pages before stopping and handing the book over to her father. "That's Umeda-sensei," she pointed to the picture of a very handsome young man with amber eyes that looked like they pierced right through your heart. The man reminded Mr. Ashiya of a lounging tiger. He looked calm and beautiful, but there was something perilous in that gaze. "You remember all those stories I told you about him, right?"

Now he did. Mizuki had made him sound more than a little weird. "Him?" Mr. Ashiya looked over at his son in disbelief.

Shizuki hunched his shoulders and nodded.

"And you're sure it's not just confusion or something else?" his father asked feebly. His fingers curled around the photo album tighter until his knuckles had turned white.

Shizuki wished he were pretending. He wished could say no and mean it. He'd had days now to sit and analyze the feelings he was having. He knew he'd fallen in love. He'd forced himself to admit. He was just too scared to do anything about it. He gritted his teeth. Why'd it have to be Umeda? "Yes."

"You ran away?" Mizuki asked, her eyes narrowing angrily.

"Well, I …yes," he admitted.

"You coward!" She shouted at him.

Both men looked at her in stunned silence. Her fists were clenched at her sides as she glared furiously at her brother. "He admitted his feelings and you ran away! You didn't even have the decency to reject him?" Mizuki snapped. "He's my friend and you treated him badly!"

"He was sexually harassing me!" Shizuki barked back at her defensively.

"You knew he was like that! If you didn't want his attention you should have said so! If he was bothering you then you could have stayed away from him!" She yelled at her brother.

"I tried all that! He kept pushing me! He kept after me! He made me fall in love with him!" Shizuki hollered back at her.

"No one can do that! You fell in love yourself! So what if he's a guy! Or if that makes you gay to want to love him! He loves you! At least, he had enough guts to admit it! And you're a coward for hiding from him!" Mizuki shrieked at him, "Especially if you love him back!"

"I don't want to love him!" Shizuki cried desperately.

She stomped her foot and glared fiercely. "It's to late for that! Be a man and admit it honestly."

Shizuki stared at his sister. He was taken aback by her fervent outburst. She was so much more courageous than he would ever be. She had risked it all to meet Sano, and then to stay with him. She had admitted her feelings despite the odds being stacked against her. But this was different. This was a life changing decision. This was admitting he wanted Umeda in every way possible. That scared the living shit out of him.

"You have to go back. You have to face him," Mizuki scowled at him.

"Mizuki," Mr. Ashiya cut in. He was stunned to watch his children screaming at each other like that. He'd never seen them fight like that. In a way, he agreed with Mizuki. His son was being a coward, but did he really want to encourage his son to go running into the arms of another man. Not a woman, but a man! God, what to do? He looked over to see the same horrifying question stamped across his son's face.

"Will you hate me?" Shizuki whispered as he looked at his father with fear stricken eyes. "Will you be disappointed in me?"

Mr. Ashiya felt his heart clench painfully. It hurt to see his son, his only son, looking at him like that. The idea of his son loving and laying with another man was sickening. He didn't understand how two men could love like that. But his son had always been passionate about his feelings, if not always honest about them. He could never hate his son. He loved Shizuki very much. He was proud of everything the young man had accomplished so far. He thought this was perhaps the hardest moment he'd ever experienced as being a father. He had to let go and let Shizuki do what he thought was right for himself.

"I want you to be happy," he said at last. "If this…man, makes you happy then I think you need to be brave and tell him." Shizuki choked back a sob as his father hugged him. "I won't pretend to understand, but I'm not going to stand in your way either. And by God, when this business is taken care of you better bring him back here to meet the whole family.""

Shizuki smiled against his dad's shoulder. "Thanks." He felt his sister's arms wrap around him from behind to hug him tightly too. He was grateful he had such a great family. He should have trusted them to understand.

"Go get him," Mizuki said sternly.

"Ok," Shizuki agreed.

/

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	10. Waiting On Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, if I was in your position
> 
> I'd put down all my ammunition
> 
> I'd wonder why'd it taken me so long
> 
> But Lord knows that I'm not you
> 
> And if I was, I wouldn't be so cruel
> 
> Cause waitin' on love aint so easy to do
> 
> -Sitting, Waiting, Wishing By: Jack Johnson

Chapter Ten

Shizuki stood out on the curb of the airport turnaround waiting for the familiar Volkswagen to appear that Akiha was so fond of driving. He wished he didn't have to call Akiha for help, but he wasn't to trust worthy of the taxi cab drivers around Osaka. The last one he could have sworn had been trying to kill him. However, he dreaded seeing that blond almost as much as he dreaded the confrontation he would have with Umeda. He knew how much the photographer loved Umeda. Akiha certainly would not go easy on Shizuki if he found out what had happened between the two doctors. He really hoped that Akiha hadn't been astute enough to figure it out. He knew it was futile wishing. Akiha was to sharp, under that cheerful facade, if he didn't know what had happened, then he could probably make a pretty good guess at it. He would definitely be disappointed in Shizuki for having run. So he stood there, duffel bag in hand, feeling like a complete idiot while his stomach turned with anxiety.

Why had he come back here?

He knew why though. He couldn't run away from this. Being thousands of miles away had not changed his feelings. In fact, they had grown stronger and he'd felt more like an ass with every passing day. He couldn't pretend that this was gonna die off or go away if he believed it enough. His traitorous heart would not let him forget. He had never been one to run away from anything either. His pride had been wounded by turning tail and running like a frightened animal. It didn't matter that his pride had cringed at the things Umeda had done and said to him. His ego was more bruised by his cowardice.

He wanted to believe what Mizuki said; that love was love no matter what or who with. But doubt, fear, and his damned pride still dragged at him, making him feel sicker by the moment. He wondered if he was going to throw up for a moment. God, he was such a wimp. He'd never acted this way before in his life. Yet, the prospect of just going to see Umeda had him wanting to go running back into the airport to grab the first plane back to California.

Before he could follow through with that thought, though, he saw Akiha's Bug pull into the turnaround. A moment later, the photographer's bright blond hair and smiling face was visible through the windshield. Shizuki took a deep breath as the car stopped in front of him. He could do this. He would think of it as the first test of his resolve and courage to face Akiha. He opened the back passenger door to sling his bag in before climbing into the front seat beside Akiha.

"Hello, Shizuki-kun. It's been a while," Akiha chirped brightly, but Shizuki could see the hard edge behind this eyes. So much for hoping he wouldn't have figured out what had happened.

Shizuki nodded and tried to return the smile, but it felt more like a grimace. "Good to see you again, Akiha-san."

Akiha pulled his car out of the turnaround. "Where am I driving you to?"

The blond doctor hesitated for a long moment. Maybe he should just go to a hotel first. He knew it would just be delaying the issue or giving himself time to back out of the promise he'd made to himself not to run away. He sighed, "Please, take me to Umeda's apartment."

The photographer looked over at him with a hard, almost angry look. "And why should I do that?"

"I...," Shizuki was caught off guard by the vindictive tone in that voice. "I need to apologize to him."

"And that's all?" Akiha asked with the sharp bite of reprimand in his question.

The American hunched his shoulders. He didn't know what to say. He could barely admit his feelings to himself. He didn't know if he'd have the guts to admit them to Umeda, much less Akiha. The words caught in his throat as he tried to think of some way to explain why he was here.

"You know, Umeda-sempai has been a wreck for the last week. He locked himself in his apartment for days. When he finally came out he looked like he hadn't slept in days or even bothered to take care of himself. He only came out, because he had to go to work, but he's so depressed he can barely do his job. I've never seen him like this. If I didn't know better I would have blamed this all on Ryoichi, but it's not his fault, is it? It's because of you," Akiha accused him angrily.

Shizuki slid down further in his seat, wishing he could hide in a dark hole somewhere. He swallowed hard and made himself answer. "Yes."

"I told you I'd be disappointed in you if you were running. I don't know if I can forgive you for breaking his heart. And if you came back merely to apologize, you'll only make the situation worse. You could have apologized over the phone or with a letter," Akiha remarked, anger still evident in the way he spoke.

"I couldn't–I don't...," Shizuki stammered, unable to find an answer.

Akiha scowled. "Do you love him?"

Shizuki closed his eyes, trying to find the strength to do what was necessary. He grasped for his resolve desperately, but it seemed to be slipping.

"You're a coward. Just say it!" Akiha snapped at him.

The blond looked over at him in surprise. "Alright," he finally managed to say.

"Alright, what?"

"I love him, alright!" Shizuki half shouted at Akiha.

The blond finally smiled. "There, see that wasn't so hard."

Shizuki blinked at the photographer like an owl. Oddly, he realized that Akiha was right. Once it was out of his mouth he wondered why it had been so hard to say that. "Yeah," he muttered.

"For your sake, I hope you can say what you need to when the time comes. No more running away, Shizuki." Akiha said seriously.

"Right," was all he could say. No more running.

Akiha drove him the rest of the way in silence. Shizuki was very grateful for that. He didn't really want to talk about it anymore. It would only make him more nervous. In what felt like no time at all, Akiha was parking his Bug in front of Umeda's apartment building. All Shizuki could do for a long moment was stare up at the building. He wondered how in the hell his life had gotten so out of control. He jumped a little when Akiha pushed him lightly on the shoulder.

"Go on," Akiha encouraged him. "Go man up."

"Hey Akiha, I'm sorry-." The younger man looked over at the photographer.

"Hey, if it was meant to be me he fell in love with I think it would have happened a while ago. Fate's been telling me that Umeda isn't the one for me," Akiha said regretfully. "It's time for me to move on too. I just want to make sure he's happy first."

"Ok," Shizuki nodded.

Akiha smiled. "By the way, I'll be sitting right here. If you try to run I will kick your ass back up there."

The blond doctor swallowed and smiled back wanly. "Ok then. I'll be going."

"And don't try to sneak out the back way either. I will find you," the photographer gave him the evil eye. "If I don't see you in 15 minutes though, I'll go."

"Gotcha," Shizuki opened the car door and climbed out. "See yah later, Akiha."

"Good luck, Shizu-kun," Akiha grinned up at him brightly.

The blond nodded. "Thanks." He turned and walked away. He paused in front of the building before pushing the door open. He glanced back to see Akiha wave at him cheerfully, and then walked inside. He made his way up to Umeda's apartment. The whole way he was trying to force himself not to think. He just kept moving forward one step at a time. Then suddenly he was standing in front of Umeda's door. He didn't really recall how he'd gotten there. Did he take the elevator or the stairs? Did it really matter? This was it.

He raised his hand to knock…

And couldn't seem to make himself do it.

He was frozen in place.

Shizuki jumped back in surprise when the door suddenly swung open. Umeda stopped shifting through the keys in his hand and looked up. The two stared at each other for a long moment in stunned silence. Umeda looked like he was dressed to go to a semi-formal party. He was wearing a black suit with a white under shirt and tie that matched the color of his eyes. He had an over coat slung over his arm. His hair was expertly tousled so that Shizuki could just imagine running his fingers through it and mussing it up. The doctor's keys sat in his palm as thoroughly forgotten as whatever plans he'd had for the night. Shizuki thought Umeda looked beautiful.

"Why're you here?" Umeda finally asked in disbelief.

His question snapped Shizuki out of his own startled silence. For the first time in forever he knew exactly what he wanted to say. He hadn't planned it, but the words just came. "You told me when I was trying to make Mizuki leave Osaka that if I didn't stop being so stubborn I was going to lose something important. Well, you were right back then and you're right now," Shizuki replied quietly.

Umeda's mouth opened as if to speak then seemed to forget what he wanted to say. The look of startled hope in his eyes made Shizuki smile slightly. Umeda cleared his throat and glanced down at the keys in his hand. When he looked up the look in his eyes had changed to fearful doubt. Shizuki felt his own doubts beginning to creep in. Maybe he'd been wrong about coming back here. Maybe this was an incredibly stupid idea.

"You look like you have somewhere important to go. I'll just leave…," Shizuki started to turn. He jerked to a halt when Umeda's hand snagged his sleeve.

"Please, don't go. Don't say anything. Just-," Umeda's voiced hitched. When had he had he fallen so hard for Shizuki? When had his heart decided that it had to be this man and no one else? If he let Shizuki go now he might lose his only chance to have the blond. He might be afraid that Shizuki had only come to apologize just so they could try to only be friends again. That didn't mean he was going to let himself ruin the chance that Shizuki had made to possibly come and confess. "Before you say anything else, can I kiss you?" He blurted impulsively.

Shizuki stood poised in the hallway in indecision. His head was saying run and his heart was saying stay. His body had already betrayed him-again. He turned so that he faced Umeda fully. For once, he wanted to make the first move.

"No," he said sternly.

Umeda's eyebrows shot up at the severe tone. He couldn't say he was all that surprised

Shizuki grabbed his tie and pulled him forward. "This time I'm kissing you."

The older man stood, stunned, as Shizuki pulled him down into a kiss. It was butterfly soft and tentative, but the hopeful little whimper Umeda gave bolstered the blond's courage. Shizuki opened his mouth and the doctor followed suit without hesitation. Suddenly, they were kissing fervently. All the space disappeared between their bodies in an instant as they pressed into each other. The blond reached up to cup the doctor's face in his hands. Umeda almost seemed frantic with the overwhelming swell of need that had roared to life in him. His hands were in Shizuki's hair, then sliding down the blond's body like he was desperate to feel as much of Shizuki as he could in that moment. Shizuki jerked in surprise as his shirt was yanked from his pants. Warm hands found his bare hips a moment later, leaving him gasping. Tingles of awareness shivered up his spin as Umeda caressed his skin. Finally they broke apart gasping for air. Neither one of them stepped away.

"I'm sorry," Shizuki whispered in between breaths.

Umeda blinked at him stupidly. He felt like his brain had been turned to putty. Damn, Shizuki could kiss. "What?"

"I'm sorry I left like that. I'm sorry I said those hateful things to you. I was just so scared. I didn't want to ," he trailed off, the words dying in his mouth. His mind screamed for him not to admit the truth. Even after everything, he was struggling to find the courage to say what he had come so far to admit.

"Didn't want to what?" Umeda's hands were still on Shizuki's hips, drawing patterns on his sensitive skin. Shizuki had to struggle to think. How was it that Umeda seemed to find the areas on his body that were instant turn ons? The doctor smirked knowingly at him.

"I didn't want to admit that I'm in love with you," he confessed, voice breaking at the end. It had been harder to say that then anything else he'd ever had to do before. It was like leaping over a 30 foot hurdle, and knowing it was futile to try. Yet, somehow he'd made it to the top of that hurdle. He felt relieved and a thrill that he had succeeded. Now there was the fall on the other side though. Would he fall and shatter or be caught and saved?

Umeda's heart felt like it had tried to leap out of his chest. He never thought Shizuki would say that. He'd been waiting for a rejection. He'd suffered so many of them already, but he was sure one more would have broken him completely. He looked into Shizuki's frightened, hopeful eyes and smiled. He saw his own insecurities mirrored back at him.

"I've been in love with you," Umeda replied softly. "Still am, even after a broken heart."

Shizuki smiled back shakily. He felt like he was soaring as Umeda pulled him tighter into his embrace and kissed him once more. After a long moment, they pulled apart again. Umeda grinned at the blond before tugging him inside his apartment.

"Come in before my nosy neighbors start peering out of their doors," the doctor said before swinging the door shut.

Shizuki chuckled then stopped. "Wait, what about the party or whatever it was you were going to?" He asked worriedly.

"Oh, that? Don't worry about it. It's my sister's annual New Year's party. I usually skip it, but I didn't feel like being alone tonight. I'm sure she'll forgive me when she finds out why I skipped," Umeda replied casually as he hung his coat back in the closet and took his shoes off.

"So now what?" Shizuki inquired somewhat nervously. He slipped out of his own shoes as the doctor began to tug him towards the living room.

Umeda laughed. "Well, usually after a love declaration the happy couple makes love." He looked back to see Shizuki visibly pale in response. He turned back around to grab the blond by the shoulders. "Hey, I'm playing. I know you're not ready. That's ok. I can wait," the doctor shook Shizuki gently.

"I'm sorry, I-." Shizuki stammered, horrified at his own actions.

"Don't apologize," Umeda said sharply. He softened his tone when the blond flinched. "I understand, Shizuki. It's to new for you. You need time for it to sink in. I'm fine with that."

"Really?" Shizuki blinked in surprise.

"Yeah," the doctor replied sincerely. "Look, how about we just take it slow for now. We both need time to get used to this. This is the first time I've ever had my love returned. It's a little overwhelming."

Shizuki smiled. "Yeah, it is."

"Why don't we try being a couple for a little while before we try anything serious, ok?" Umeda suggested.

"I can deal with that." The blond answered.

"Good, now come sit down. We can throw on some movies, drink some booze, and celebrate the New Year together," the doctor said as flopped on to the couch and pulled Shizuki down with him.

Shizuki grinned. "I like that idea."

"You stay here. I'm gonna grab some wine and put on a movie. Don't move," Umeda got up and pushed the blond back down when Shizuki made to follow him. The doctor leaned over to kiss the blond hard on the mouth. He sighed happily when Shizuki reached up and gripped the back of his neck lightly.

"Aren't you gonna take your suit jacket off?" the blond whispered against his mouth.

Umeda sighed as the blond nipped at his lips. "I was…"

"Let me help," Shizuki grabbed his jacket labels and helped the doctor shrug it off. "Much better, huh?"

"Yeah," Umeda murmured, as the blond gently loosened his tie next. A moment later, the fabric slipped free of his neck and was tossed on the coffee table. The doctor went willingly as Shizuki tugged him down. He straddled the blond's lap then settled back to sit on his thighs. Umeda wrapped his arms around Shizuki's neck and buried his face in the side of the blond's neck. Shizuki slipped his arms about Umeda so he could hold him tight. For the doctor it felt perfect. He never thought he'd be held like this with someone he loved who loved him back. It was like a fantasy come true. It was something he'd longed for so much that it seemed to good to be real.

"The booze and the movies can wait," Shizuki whispered against the doctor's neck. "For now, I just wanna hold you."

Umeda closed his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. He had to fight down the urge to cry. "That's all I want too."

Time drifted by slowly. They stayed in each other's arms until their bodies were practically numb from sitting that way. Only then did Shizuki let the doctor get up to finally grab food and drinks. Umeda threw on his favorite movie and settled down on the couch next to the blond.

"Blade Runner?" Shizuki asked with amusement.

"Shut up, it's my favorite movie," Umeda growled defensively.

Shizuki laughed. "Ok, ok."

It was probably the best New Year's eve both had ever had. It was so amazingly perfect to be able to sit next to someone they loved while they watched movies, drank expensive wine, and traded kisses. Strange how Shizuki didn't realize what he'd been missing until now. He looked down at the doctor, whose head was lying on his shoulder, and enjoyed how right it all felt. His whole life he'd been running away from the truth about himself. He had always felt like there was some part of him that was missing. He didn't feel that way anymore. Umeda had helped him realize the truth. For the first time, Shizuki had finally fallen in love with his whole heart.

"Hey, it's midnight," Umeda spoke up suddenly.

Shizuki glanced up at the wall as the clock struck midnight exactly. "Happy New Year," he said with a soft smile.

"Same to you," Umeda grinned before pulling the blond down into a long, deep kiss.

 

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	11. Epilogue

It had been two months since they had confessed and officially became a couple. Shizuki had started up his internship again much to the joy of the head doctor at the hospital he worked at. He only had another month before his internship was over. After that he wasn't quite sure what he was going to do. It wasn't really a big concern yet. He was content with the way things were now. He wanted to enjoy it for as long as possible.

In the last two months he'd been living with Umeda. He'd thought it was kinda stupid to get an apartment with so little time left on his internship. Or rather Umeda had thought so and convinced Shizuki of the same. Not to mention the blond had already sold or given away everything that had been in his old apartment when he'd left for California. It was rather foolish to have to refurnish an entire place again when Umeda's apartment was more than big enough for two people. Plus, Umeda had pretty much said he was living there—no arguments allowed.

Shizuki had been more than a little nervous about the whole prospect of living with his brand new boyfriend. He'd never lived with any of his previous girlfriends. Not even his fiancé. He was used to living alone. He was comfortable with it. However, he found it wasn't as scary or as bad as he might have thought. It actually turned out to be a good way to learn how they behaved around each other on a long term basis. At first, they had sort of tip toed around each other until Umeda finally blew up at Shizuki. He'd told the blond to stop worrying so much about being a burden and invading the doctor's space. Umeda wanted him there. Shizuki had better damn well start acting like it was his home too.

After that, things went more smoothly. They found they could live together without wanting to kill each other after only a few days. They found a comfortable rhythm with living together that suited them both. They figured out who made coffee in the morning, who made the bed, who did laundry, who made dinner, and who got control of the TV remote on which nights. They figured out when to back off and leave the other person alone. They discovered the best times for when they both felt like being cuddly and needy. It was all a matter of learning give and take with each other.

However, in the space of those two months they'd yet to have sex. And Shizuki could tell it was starting to get to Umeda. He was after all a very sexually needy person. One could only beat off so much with their hand before it could old. So Shizuki wasn't at all surprised when Umeda finally switched off the TV one evening and asked the question they had been skirting around for months.

"So tell me the truth. No one is that homophobic unless they've had a bad experience involving another guy," Umeda remarked. He waited a moment for the deer in the headlights look to begin to fade from his boyfriend's face before asking. "What happened?"

Shizuki couldn't say anything for a long time. He supposed it was about time to have this talk. He'd been dreading it. Hoping for it. More than anything he just wanted it over with. Every time he thought of why he was like that it made him cringe in shame. It hurt to acknowledge that part of his past. It was damning and hypocritical of the way he behaved now. He knew it but refused to think about it any further for years. He'd never told anyone why. Maybe it was time he did, especially if he was going to be with Umeda.

"I've never talked about it," Shizuki twiddled his fingers. "I'll try to tell you, but if you interrupt me I might not be able to finish it. So just listen ok. And understand that I hate myself for what I did."

The doctor's brow creased in confusion and cautious suspicion. "Ok."

"When I was about 15 I hit puberty hard. I know I was a late bloomer. At the time, I had a best friend in high school named Allen. He had transferred from a different school when his father moved the family because of his job. The other boys seemed reluctant to make friends with him. I didn't understand why. He was funny, smart, and we were interested in a lot of the same things. We were always hanging out together.

Allen caught me masturbating in the locker room one day after gym class. I didn't even see him there. Then suddenly he was standing beside me in the shower. I was surprised, but to hyped up to stop. He told me I was doing it wrong and I'd rub myself raw that way," Shizuki laughed self consciously. "He reached around and showed me how to do it the right way. It felt amazing. I was a little weirded out by him. He told me it was normal for guys to learn this kind of stuff from each other. I believed him because I'd heard the other boys talking about it and sex all the time. It didn't seem unlikely that they'd show each other.

It turned into a routine sort of thing. When he found me doing it he'd help me out. I'd help him. It was something we had together that kept us close. It was our secret. I guess Allen thought maybe we had something more than that. He tried to talk me into taking things further. That was when I freaked out on him. I wasn't gay and I thought I had no desire to be. I guess what scared me is I considered it. Allen was good looking and we were really close. I was curious. It was the thought of being found out. It was all the what ifs.

I refused to hang out with him after that. He tried to apologize but I wouldn't listen to him. My fear kept me away from him. He wouldn't give up on trying to fix our friendship though and I began to panic. I started spreading rumors about him being a fag. Saying I'd seen him with other boys. It caught like wildfire. By the next day he was the target of every guys harassing and hazing. They made his life hell. What was worse was Allen knew who had started it. He hated me for it, and I can't blame him. Eventually he had to transfer schools because the hazing starting getting violent. But I remember the last thing he ever said to me. "You're a coward, Shizuki. You're not even strong enough to admit what you really are. You'll always be a spinless liar." And he was right. I never saw him again. Ever since then just being near a gay guy makes me sick. Not because of them, but because of me. I look at them and I hate myself out of shame for everything I did to Allen. For everything I was to scared to admit to myself." Shizuki shook his head. "I can't forgive myself for what happened."

"You were a scared kid, and high school is unforgiving of those who are different. We all do things in high school we hate ourselves for later. It's part of being a teenager. The point is you've grown up," Umeda remarked. "Hell, I wouldn't even admit openly that I was gay until college. If I had admitted it in an all boys' high school I hate to even think about what would have happened. My family wasn't surprised when I came out, but I lost a lot of friends over it. Most of them guys. It's not unusual, but it did hurt. It's frightening to let that big of a secret out of the bag."

"But you seem so open about sex!" Shizuki stared in shock.

"It took a long time to be that way," the doctor admitted.

The blond shook his head in astonishment. "Hard to believe."

"I know."

They were quiet for a few minutes.

"We've been together for a while now, Shizuki. I know you're nervous about sex, but I think it's time we tried it. I know you love me, but I need this. I need the closeness. I've always been a very sexual being. It's how I express myself best. So please, for my sake, can we give it a try?" Umeda pleaded gently. He hated that it had come to this, but he couldn't wait anymore. He needed to cement their relationship in the only way he knew how. Saying I love you, kisses, and hugs only did so much for him. He needed the permanence that a sexual relationship suggested.

Shizuki looked into the doctor's earnest eyes and swallowed hard. He looked away as he chewed on his lip worriedly. He knew eventually that Umeda would want this. He honestly needed it too, but fear had kept him from wanting to give it a try. He had promised Akiha, Mizuki, and himself that he would stop running. He guessed that meant from this too. He sighed heavily. "Alright."

Umeda smiled. "Good." He got up and grabbed Shizuki's hand. "C'mon. We'll take this slow. And before you start worrying about who's taking who, you're taking me. Ok?"

"Ok," Shizuki followed his boyfriend into the bedroom and then into the master bathroom. "The bathroom?"

"We shower first…," Umeda turned around and tugged the blond close. "So that we can both relax and be naked together without the whole sex thing just yet." He grinned and kissed Shizuki softly. He tugged the blond's shirt up, waiting for Shizuki to raise his arms, before pulling it off. He tossed it to the side and let his hands slid slowly down the blond's smooth chest. Shizuki took a deep breath. He let himself enjoy the feel of Umeda's hands on his skin. They'd been shirtless around each other a few times. Touching like this was at least familiar to him. He helped Umeda out of his shirt before he noticed where his boyfriend's hands had drifted.

"Uh uh," the doctor admonished Shizuki when he tried to stop Umeda's hands from undoing his belt. "Getting naked requires the pants being off."

"Right," the blond smiled nervously.

Umeda grinned. "Hey, I have one to you know."

Shizuki laughed under his breath. "Well, I would hope so."

"Good. Now, outta those pants," the doctor smirked at him, tugging on his belt.

The blond rolled his eyes before nodding. He slipped the leather from his belt buckle, popped the button on his jeans, and dragged the zipper downwards. He flushed when Umeda licked his lips in anticipation. He started to pull his pants down…

"Underwear too," Umeda interrupted.

"God, you're so demanding," Shizuki chuckled, with another roll of his eyes. Sarcasm helped him hide his nervousness. He hooked his thumbs in the band of his underwear then yanked down. He slipped his legs out his pants then kicked them aside. He stood completely bare in front of Umeda for the first time. He felt a little awkward and worried. He hadn't felt that way around a lover for a long time. It was always like this the first time he made love with a new person. He felt like he was waiting to be judged.

"What are you so tense about?" Umeda smiled, reaching out to smooth his palms over Shizuki's hips. "You're perfect."

The blond rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Thanks." A little of the nervousness faded away, but not entirely. It would probably stay there until the night was over.

Umeda reached into the shower to turn on the hot water. He began to shed his own clothes methodically. He made sure to take his time. He let Shizuki watch him without a hint of shame. He was comfortable in his own skin. He knew he was a little thin, but over all still built well. He smiled up at Shizuki as he finally tossed his own briefs aside. The blond flushed at being caught staring, which Umeda found very cute.

Steam began to roll out of the shower in waves. Umeda reached back in to adjust the temperature down to a more bearable level. Then he took Shizuki's hand and backed into the shower. He closed his eyes and sighed as deliciously hot water began to pour down his back. He opened his eyes when he heard Shizuki's heels skid a little on the tiles. The blond had slid to a stop one step short of climbing into the shower. He stared in at Umeda hesitantly. His heart had jumped back up into his throat as fear started to coil in his gut once more. It was really irrational. Yet, somehow the shower felt like the visual line of no return. A line he'd shied away from for so long. It was only sex for God's sake. But for him it meant something much more.

Umeda stilled at the look of conflict on his boyfriend's face. It was a big step—a frightening one. He remembered how scared he'd been his first time sleeping with a guy. He didn't let go of the blond though. He just stood there, holding on, like an anchor for Shizuki's thoughts. He waited. The blond took a deep breath to calm himself. He focused once more on Umeda's eyes. They were such beautiful, piercing amber eyes. Right now they were showing him a depth of understanding he'd never seen in any lover who had looked at him—not even his ex-fiancé.

After a long moment, Umeda pulled Shizuki closer. To his great relief, the blond followed. The doctor pressed a soft kiss to his new lover's mouth in an unspoken promise. He carefully maneuvered them backward until they were both soaking under the heated spray of the shower head. Shizuki sighed softly as the warmth soothed his muscles and swept away the worry.

"Close your eyes." Umeda whispered. Shizuki found himself doing what he was told. "Don't think." He took one of the blond's hands in his and placed it over his heart. "Touch me." Shizuki's fingers twitched nervously. "It's ok. Don't think about anything. Just feel." He murmured into the blond's ears, lips slightly brushing the sensitive flesh.

Shizuki shivered at the butterfly touch. He let himself relax and do as Umeda said. Beneath his palm, the doctor's heart pounded quickly. He could feel every breath the other took. He concentrated on the soft feel of Umeda's skin. He reached up with his other hand to place it on the opposite side of the doctor's chest. For several moments, he stood there just feeling the doctor's heart tap out a beat and his breath lift his chest beneath Shizuki's hands. Finally, he felt brave enough to start exploring. He slid his hands upwards over broad shoulders, down deceptively strong arms, and weaved his fingers in between Umeda's long ones. He opened his eyes slowly so he could lean forward to kiss Umeda. Then he continued on with what he started. His hands went back up those arms, down the chest, to map out the flat plane of Umeda's belly. Every part of him was soft beneath Shizuki's fingers. He skimmed over trim hips that were almost bony, but not quite. He tipped his head down to look down at the doctor's erect cock. It had hardened a little more every second Shizuki had touched him. The blond chewed on his lip as he hesitated to touch that part of Umeda that was only inches from his hands.

He glanced up to see the doctor watching his patiently. He breathing was a little shallow like he was trying to control his own arousal. That was nearly impossible though. Umeda sucked in a harsh breath when the blond finally reached down to wrap one hand around him. Calloused fingers slid down the length of his cock before a thumb rubbed a circle into the head. Umeda's stomach trembled as he struggled to keep his hands to himself. He wanted nothing more than to slam Shizuki against the shower wall and fuck him hard. He forced himself to remember he had to go slow. He wouldn't touch until Shizuki was ready for him too. This was the blond's time to get comfortable about all of it. He wasn't gonna fuck things up because of his own desire.

Shizuki began to stroke the doctor in long, twisting slides of his palm. The weight of a cock in his hand felt good. He remembered it very well. He recalled how much he had enjoyed doing this for someone else. There was something intensely arousing about making someone come undone from his touch alone. He reached down with his other hand to cup Umeda's balls and roll them in his hand. Umeda swallowed audibly before groaning throatily. He spread his legs a little wider apart. He dropped his head forward to rest it on the blond's shoulder. His whole body was beginning to hum happily with the pleasure that was building in the base of his cock. He finally couldn't stand it any longer. He reached down to grab Shizuki's wrists.

"Things are gonna be over way to soon if you keep that up. As much as I like it, I'd like to get to the best part," Umeda smirked at Shizuki's questioning look.

The blond blushed then chuckled. "Alright."

Umeda reached back to shut off the water before stepping out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and dried off quickly before turning around to help the blond dry off. Shizuki laughed like a little kid when Umeda scrubbed the towel over the blond's dripping hair. The doctor grinned and kissed his lover hard on the mouth. He tossed the towel aside when he deemed them both dry enough to continue on to other activities. He grabbed the blond's hand again and led him into the bedroom again.

"My turn to explore," Umeda said pushing Shizuki down on to the bed. He pressed on the blond's chest until he finally laid flat. The doctor straddled Shizuki's thighs. He laid his hands on Shizuki's chest. He smiled reassuringly when he felt the racing heart beat beneath his fingers. He mirrored what the blond had done to him. He smoothed his hands over every inch of skin he could reach and followed after with his lips, pressing wet kisses onto the blond's skin. He stroked over Shizuki's cock a few times, and was delighted to see it twitch beneath his ministrations. He kissed the blond's stomach, mouthed his way down the trail of hair that led to Shizuki's cock. He paused just above the twitching length in his hands. He let his warm breath wash over the sensitive skin. He was rewarded with a sharp gasp from Shizuki as he squirmed his hips against the pleasant torment. Umeda dipped his head the rest of the way to drag his tongue over the blond's cock. Shizuki's hips jittered as the blond moaned brokenly. A moment later, Shizuki yelped in shock as Umeda's mouth closed around him and sucked hard. His hands flew down to bury themselves in mahogany hair, not sure if he was holding Umeda's head in place or just wanting something to hang on to. His thighs quaked as his orgasm began to build heavy in his balls. He whined desperately when the doctor suddenly rose off of him.

He swallowed thickly as Umeda reached over him to yank open the drawer of his night stand. After a moment of rummaging, the doctor pulled out a bottle of lube. He sat back on his hand before pouring some into his hand. Shizuki watched with interest as Umeda warmed it up in his palms. The blond moaned loudly when one slick hand reached down to wrap around his cock once more and stroke until his cock was thoroughly coated. By then, he was struggling once more not to lose it. He breathed heavily through his nose as he struggled to control his almost overwhelming need to come. Nervousness as well as intrigued interest stole over Shizuki as he watched Umeda reach around to open himself up with his fingers. It was erotic to see the look of sheer enjoyment on the doctor's face as he worked himself open. It was frightening, because suddenly Shizuki knew the last big step was only minutes away.

He thought his heart might explode from the fury pace it had picked up as Umeda finally moved to settle on his hips. He looked up at Umeda, disconcertion written plainly on his features. There was something exciting about your partner being on top during sex. However, it was his first time with a guy. It was different being held down like this by a guy. Engrained nature told him this was a threat. Guys didn't normally hold each other down like this unless it was meant to cause pain. He'd had his share of fights in school to know this. Plus, his brain kept trying to tell him what a stupid idea this was. Yet, every time he came close to calling quits he'd look into Umeda's eyes and become bewitched all over again. The doctor was so utterly fucking gorgeous; especially, right now.

Umeda was poised over him, straddling his waist and rubbing sensuously against his weeping cock. The doctor's cheeks were lightly flushed with arousal. His hair was disheveled while his lips were red and swollen from kisses. His eyes had gone from amber to a richer, deeper golden brown. Shizuki licked his lips as his eyes wandered down the doctor's body once more. Lust was winning out the argument waging war inside him once more. Shizuki was beginning to pant with want. He kept shivering with skittish excitement. He was desperately trying to crush the constant worry of what the hell he was about to do. He felt heady with desire, but his brain was trying to find a way to escape this situation. The doctor must have read the look in his eyes. A moment later, he was kissing Shizuki with wild passion, drowning the blond's fear in it. Shizuki gasped when he felt a hand on his cock once more. Umeda didn't stroke him though. He was merely holding Shizuki's cock in place. The blond arched into the firm contact and rubbed over Umeda's opening involuntarily. The doctor echoed his gasp a bit more harshly. Umeda broke the kiss to lean over and whisper into Shizuki's ear.

"Close your eyes," he urged the blond. "Don't open them until you're ready."

Shizuki nodded and closed them without question. He thought the doctor meant until he was ready to move to the next level.

He was wrong.

Umeda smiled devilishly. He lined himself up with the blond's cock then began to press himself downward. His eyes shuttered almost closed too as he breathed deep. He relaxed and opened himself up to take in the pulsing, slick length of his lover. The exquisite feeling of penetration washed over him in a mix of painful pleasure. The stretching sensation was a part of the perverse joy he loved as his body yielded eagerly to the intrusion. Beneath him, Shizuki moaned thickly, eyes shut tight, as his cock was swallowed whole. The impression of sliding inside of Umeda was both familiar and entirely alien to what the blond knew. He shuddered when he felt the tickle of skin against his balls. He knew that Umeda had taken him all the way inside. It felt like his cock was being gripped in a hot, moist silken glove. It was so much tighter than any woman he'd ever been with.

He opened his eyes, needing to see it for real. He felt like it was his first time having sex all over again. The awed feeling that was overwhelming was so much like the first time he'd been with a girl. This felt so much more intense though. Umeda let go his hands so he could reach out and touch where their bodies were connected. A shiver ran through the doctor at the feathery soft tickle of fingers that explored the rim of his hole then traveled up his taint. Umeda trembled with the need to move, but he forced himself to wait. A moment later, Shizuki's hands found his waist. He looked down to see the blond looking at him with an expression of awed surprise. Umeda swallowed hard. He couldn't wait anymore. He needed to move. He rose up slowly then sank down with a satisfied groan. The blond's lips parted as he sucked in a harsh breath. His eyes widened at the feeling of Umeda moving over and on him.

The doctor rode him slow and deep. Umeda was giving both of them time to adjust to each other. Shizuki couldn't seem to keep his hands still as Umeda rose and fell on him. The blond's hands roamed down strong thighs covered in soft, downy hair so unlike the sleek feel of a woman. Yet, he liked the difference. He found he liked the solid, more powerful feel of Umeda's body. The flat stomach, trim hips, broad chest and shoulders, and the endless, pale smooth skin. Umeda was truly beautiful. Shizuki could freely, honestly admit this now. His hands found Umeda's hips once more and traced circles into the sensitive skin there. The doctor sighed deeply. His eyes alighted on Shizuki's—deep, dark, and piercing—obviously enjoying the blond's explorative touch. His own hands were spread across the blond's chest. One hand was directly over Shizuki's heart, feeling the quick drum beat beneath his palm. He kept up his slow, steady pace despite the building desire to go faster—harder and deeper. He moaned softly with longing as Shizuki palmed his ass in both hands.

Shizuki read the deeper need in Umeda's eyes. He knew the doctor wanted more from him. Umeda needed the validation of Shizuki's feelings. This seemed to be the only way the doctor knew how to cement the permanence of their relationship. Shizuki understood that. He needed the bonded closeness that loving making caused as much as Umeda did. He wanted—no needed—to be the one who created that bond between them. Otherwise, there would always be the insecurity of uncertainty between them.

The blond took a deep breath and stilled the doctor's movements. Umeda's body trembled in his grasp. Shizuki pulled himself up into a sitting position. He took a moment to kiss the doctor deeply. His hands caressed Umeda's back in reassurance. The doctor whimpered into Shizuki's mouth as he slid his arms up around the younger man's neck. Shizuki deepened the kiss for a moment before breaking it off abruptly. Keeping himself inside of Umeda, he held the doctor steady as he shifted until his legs were underneath him. He dumped Umeda backward so that he was laying beneath Shizuki. Umeda stared up at him in surprise that quickly turned into dark lust. He pulled Shizuki roughly down to him and wrapped his legs around the blond's hips. He couldn't resist the urge to bite Shizuki's collar bone hard. The blond moaned and jerked in startled shock. The bite was soothed away with licks and kisses before Umeda trailed his lips up the blond's throat, nipping every so often. Shizuki trembled, rocking his hips in an unconscious effort to get closer. He dipped his head catching the doctor's lips with his. They kissed with mounting desperate need. Uncertainty melted beneath Umeda's constant touches and attention. Awkwardness was losing its hold on Shizuki. Lust and need were burning those worries away.

The blond began to move. He thrust into Umeda with deep, smooth rhythmic rolls of his hips. Finally, he completely let go of his reservations. Umeda smiled as he kissed the blond's jaw. At long last, he knew that everything would be alright. Shizuki's right hand slid up his thigh and under Umeda's knee before pushing the doctor's leg up higher to change the angle of his thrusts. Umeda gladly let the blond bend him where ever he wanted. A second later, Umeda was supremely grateful he did. He threw back his head with a sharp gasp as Shizuki's cock struck his sweet spot with enough force to make him see stars.

"Oh fuck," he exclaimed sharply. Before the pleasant feel of a cock inside him had been really good but not enough to satisfy. Now, that feeling had changed to electric like jolts that reverberated down every nerve in his body. Shizuki looked down at him, worried and taken aback by the doctor's reaction. Umeda tightened his arms around the blond, whimpering, "Please!" He was rewarded with a sharper, deeper thrust. "Yessss…like that!" he growled roughly.

Shizuki was lost. The primal lust in Umeda's voice had come close to completely undoing him. The wild glint in the doctor's eyes urged him on more than his own aching need did. He picked up the pace and the intensity. He learned to aim his thrusts so that each one caused Umeda to writhe and keen beneath him. The doctor was just as lost. His hips bucked in time with Shizuki's as he pressed his body tighter against the blond. Umeda felt so filled. The feeling was perfection. It was overwhelming his body and mind. He was being swept up in a tide of ecstatic sensation. Every thrust was stoking the fire inside him to almost unbearable levels. Their bodies flowed back and forth in perfect harmony. They were unable to think past the now. They were wrapped up in the feel, taste, smell, and sounds of each other. Shizuki had never felt this connected or in tune with anyone. He was caught up in Umeda that he almost couldn't tell where he ended and the other began. He'd never had anyone who gave themselves so completely like Umeda. The doctor held nothing back.

Their movements soon became more desperate and jagged. Both were drawing close to reaching their climaxes. Umeda was nearly frantic with need. His whole body seemed to be begging Shizuki for release from the blissful agony he was in. His breath was almost sobbing in his throat. Tears were beginning to creep out from beneath his tightly shut eyes. He was so besieged by the gratification that he thought he might burst. Yet, he remained poised just on the edge of release. He felt like a man on a cliff wind milling his arms to stay up, but wanting to fall. Every other breath was a pleaded please to let him go free. It was exquisite torture.

Shizuki drank in every detail of the man beneath him. Umeda was so open and honest about the pleasure he was feeling. He was in awe that he was causing the doctor to experience such in intense ecstasy. His own pleasure was amplified because of it. He was so close to letting go, but refused to give in before Umeda did. He wanted to see what the doctor looked like when he came.

He tipped Umeda's lower body up higher and plunged himself inside of Umeda with hard, deep jerks of his hips. His cock hit Umeda's sweet spot with just the right amount of force to slam the doctor over the edge. Umeda's back bowed up and seemed to freeze in place just for a moment. Fire seemed to scorch down his nerves. Then he exploded, shouting in glorious release. He flung his head back as his fingers dug into Shizuki's back. The blond was enthralled by the total abandon and bliss etched on the doctor's beautiful face. Shizuki's orgasm snuck up on him unprepared as Umeda's body convulsed around his cock. His hips jittered as his climax ripped through him. His body shuttered as he came so hard inside Umeda that his vision went dark around the edges. His mouth fell open as he gasped roughly, completely undone by the sensations racing through him. His arms gave out after a moment and he collapsed on top of Umeda. The doctor's arms wrapped around him and held him close. Shizuki turned his head to kiss Umeda's throat. They stayed that way for several minutes as little aftershocks of pleasure continued to zing through their bodies. Shizuki raised himself up, intending to roll to the side, but Umeda's arms tighten around him.

"Thank you," Umeda whispered.

Shizuki looked down into those amber eyes and smiled warmly. "No, thank you. That was incredible."

"Good," the doctor smiled back. He tipped his head up to kiss the blond fiercely. He pulled back a moment later. "I love you."

Shizuki returned his kiss gently. "I love you too. Now let me get off you before I crush you."

Umeda chuckled. "You're not crushing me, but ok." He let his arms slid free of Shizuki. He hummed in disappointment as the blond's cock slipped out of him. Shizuki rolled to his side and flung his arm around Umeda's hips. They laid there for a while like that in silence. Exhaustion stole through them, dragging their eyes downward as they relaxed further. Shizuki reached down to pull the covers up. When he re-settled and looked over at his new lover, Umeda had already passed out. Shizuki laid beside the doctor, staring up at the ceiling as he went over everything that had just happened. He glanced over at Umeda and smiled. The doctor was stretched out on his side. His mahogany hair was a wreck, but in a sexy 'I just got laid' kinda way. His long lashed were fanned across the top of his cheeks in half moon arches. His lips, that were swollen and bruised from some many kisses, were parted as he breathed deep. He looked so amazingly beautiful. Shizuki was glad he could finally admit that to himself now.

Sex with Umeda had been wonderful. He'd never felt that kind of complete abandon and passion from anyone he'd ever slept with. He'd never felt that close to anyone ever. Umeda had been slow and understanding with him in the beginning when he so desperately needed it. Shizuki would never forget that first time of sliding inside of Umeda. The doctor had felt so different than a woman. He was so hot and tight, fuck so damned perfect. His dick throbbed a little just remembering.

The smell of sex still lingered thick in the sheets and on their skin. It was musky—so very male. He liked it. He wondered how he'd been able to fool himself for so long. He'd denied who and what he was for so many years that it was amazing Umeda had seen the truth about him. Gay had always been like a death sentence for Shizuki. But with Umeda it was freedom. He could finally love honestly with all his heart. He didn't feel like something was missing like he had with all his girlfriends. He'd loved them. He really had. Yet, somehow they were never enough. It had taken him a long time to find himself. Still, it was Umeda who'd found him first.

He looked down at Umeda again and considered himself lucky. He'd finally found the person he was meant to be with. It had taken him a few long trips several thousand miles away from his home to Japan to find his lover. They'd clashed horribly in the beginning. They'd kissed, fought, danced, and hurt each other. It'd taken a scolding from his younger sister to make him see the light. (He'd have to thank her later.) He didn't regret anything that had happened. All of it had happened for a reason to bring him to this point. Everything after this didn't seem so daunting or even so important anymore. He had his future lying right beside him.

For the first time, in a long time, he was completely happy.

/

Umeda woke up in the morning to soft, passionate kisses. He didn't resist when Shizuki pushed him onto his back. He reached up and wrapped his arms around the blond. He sighed happily when Shizuki buried himself inside of Umeda. They made love slow and gently. He moaned when their rhythm started to lose coordination as they got close to the end. Tears slipped down his cheeks when the blond came with a gasp of Umeda's name. They were kissed away with a soft I love you. Umeda smiled softly as he hugged Shizuki tightly. God, he could get used to waking up this way every morning.

That thought made him incredibly happy. He burned the moment into his mind with a fierce kiss.

/

The end

/

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